Did you miss me? I missed you!SO sorry I’ve been MIA -- it’s been a blur of a month.
A good chunk of July was spent visiting my parents in Del Boca Vista, FL -- aka The Villages -- home to 30,000 crazy retirees off-season, and 70,000(!?!?) in-season. It’s sorta like if Disneyland and Cocoon had a baby. Luckily during this visit I did not receive any unsolicited advice on my love life from well-intentioned, but very VERY wrinkly, strangers.
It was pure relaxation.
Anyway, the #1 mission during my week-long stint as a retiree was to get a tan. And tan I did! Even my feet are tan, which is nice because tan feet are infinitely better than pale feet (also, tan fat is better than pale fat, but I digress).
Now, of course, the challenge is to keep it going without looking like an Oompa Loompa (doopedy doo!).
I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t you just GO OUTSIDE? The answer is… I don’t know.
It was pure relaxation.
Anyway, the #1 mission during my week-long stint as a retiree was to get a tan. And tan I did! Even my feet are tan, which is nice because tan feet are infinitely better than pale feet (also, tan fat is better than pale fat, but I digress).
Now, of course, the challenge is to keep it going without looking like an Oompa Loompa (doopedy doo!).
I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t you just GO OUTSIDE? The answer is… I don’t know.
So, I thought about hitting up a fancy department store for some kind of expensive tanner (I hear Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel is great). But I don’t actually want to be that much darker -- I just don’t want to get that much lighter. So I decided to give my wallet a break in these troubled economic times and hit up CVS instead. How prudent.
After much deliberation under fluorescent lights that made my new tan look slightly green, I decided to go with Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer. My thinking was it would serve a dual purpose -- 1) it offered a gradual tan, which should kick in just as my real one was starting to fade, and 2) it would provide a merciful end to the peeling/flaking/leprosy that is now happening all over my body as a direct result of said “real tan.”
After much deliberation under fluorescent lights that made my new tan look slightly green, I decided to go with Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer. My thinking was it would serve a dual purpose -- 1) it offered a gradual tan, which should kick in just as my real one was starting to fade, and 2) it would provide a merciful end to the peeling/flaking/leprosy that is now happening all over my body as a direct result of said “real tan.”
As an unexpected bonus, it also claimed to be firming -- and frankly, who among us couldn’t use a little of that?
Of course, my decision was further complicated by the product being offered in a variety of shades. I was unclear which shade to choose (Do I go with my normal skin? Or my tan skin? And why don’t any of them actually LOOK like skin?). So, I wound up buying two -- Medium and Medium Tan -- to be on the safe side. Sneaky sneaky.
The verdict? PU!!
This moisturizer stinks like a sunless tanner. You know that musky rotten molasses smell that’s a dead giveaway? Yeah. So now I stink like fake tan, which isn’t even showing yet, when I actually have a REAL tan.
Awesome.
Has anyone EVER found a self tanner that didn’t stink? And, while we’re on the topic... did anyone catch the news about an Oompa Loompa getting arrested in a shopping mall in FL?
4 comments:
FINALLY -- YOU ARE ALIVE!!!
Welcome back, you little oompa loompah!
Have you tried Sevin Nyne tanning mist? It's not bad, when you forget that it came from Lindsay Lohan. :)
Anon #1 & #2: SO SORRY I was such a slacker last month. Promise to do better.
Jessica: Thanks for the tip, though on principle not sure I can go down the LL route. Besides, doesn't she look a little loompa-ish herself?
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