We're Not In Pine Brook Anymore

new york looks prettiest from new jersey

10/14/2010

McBullshit

No doubt by now you’ve seen the photos.

The article about them on Yahoo alone has over 13,000 comments.  That same article has been shared on Facebook over 266,000 times.  And re-tweeted over 4,000 times.

Even my dad sent it to me!

I’m talking about the photos showing the contents of an unadorned Happy Meal left out to rot on a coffee table in your typical Manhattan apartment. Only it didn't. They say this “superfood” has resisted decomposition for 6 whole months. That’s 180 days. And it’s still fresh as a daisy, if that daisy was made of plastic.

Ahem. Bullshit.

Now, let me be clear: I have NO doubt this could happen. But here are 5 reasons I think this “experiment” is total crap:

1) Food left out in the open in your typical NYC apartment is a red carpet invitation to rats, mice, flies, ants, roaches, and other unsavory houseguests. Nobody in their right mind would open that Pandora’s box of vermin. Or are we to believe that the bugs in her house took a nibble of this hideous feast and turned vegetarian? If that’s the case, lock up your tofu, lady!

2) It moved. It's plain to see.  The bun. The burger. And most definitely the fries. MOVED! A lot. Plus wouldn’t the paper get all greasy? Also who's to say this is a Happy Meal -- I see no prize?  Or is it that it sounds much worse if we feed this cryogenic snack to our kids rather than ourselves?  And why is the lighting on these casual photographs basically the same every single day? Nobody's that anal.  Not even me.  Something’s fishy. Or burgery, as the case may be.

3) She’s an artist. A photographer who’s sold her work to famous people. Like SJP. Jeez, if I knew this counts as “art,” I would have photographed the back seat of my college roommate’s Subaru for 4 years. She loved Happy Meals, and no doubt had a few runaway fries left under the seat. Then I too could have been interviewed by Good Morning America. Why, I bet that type of notoriety might even help someone sell some actual art, since someone probably needs to buy a new coffee table and all.  But I'm sure someone never, ever thought of that...

4) IT’S NOT NEWS THAT MCDONALDS IS GROSS! Hey, is the sky also blue? Babies and puppies still cute? Here’s a tip: If you want to be healthy, don’t buy your food at the same place you buy gas. This Happy Meal that withstands the test of time doesn’t make me sick. Even Morgan Sperlock’s supersize adventure didn’t make me sick. What person who weighs less than 600lbs eats that much junk for every meal every single day? Anything in excess is bad for you.  Now Fast Food Nation? Yeah, that one made me kinda sick. But this is not that.

5) This whole issue is a non-story. Salt is a preservative and the burger’s so non-juicy it might as well be jerky. No moisture = no mold.  This has nothing to do with magically evil McChemicals, it’s simple science that even pirates knew (and those peg-legged bastards got scurvy and rickets). Besides, preservatives don’t kill people, bacteria does.


Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to make a moisturizer out of salt and preservatives so I can become a billionaire and look like I’m 17 forever.  Right after I finish these fries...

They really don't stick around in MY house long enough to decay either.

 
tags: food, gross
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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I saw this too! And at first I thought it was awful, but you make some good points here. It would probably happen with most processed foods.

Anonymous said...

mmmm burgers ;-)

Anonymous said...

Preservatives do kill people. Allergenic preservatives in food or medicine can cause anaphylactic shock in susceptible individuals, a condition which is often fatal within minutes without emergency treatment. Also some studies point to synthetic preservatives and artificial coloring agents aggravating ADD & ADHD symptoms in those affected. Older studies were inconclusive, quite possibly due to inadequate clinical methods of measuring offending behavior. Parental reports were more accurate indicators of the presence of additives than clinical tests. Several major studies show academic performance increased and disciplinary problems decreased in large non-ADD student populations when artificial ingredients, including preservatives were eliminated from school food programs.

Anonymous said...

Chill out Anonymous3.

Agree with you, this does seem suspect. But McDonalds is still gross. That's why I eat at places like Chipotle when I need to grab a quick bite!

Jenny From The 'Brook said...

Anon #1: I know, it seems awful on the surface, but when you think about it, I'm sure a ton of foods would fall into this category.

Anon #2: Ha.

Anon #3: Um, really? You seem too smart to read this blog. Am I your guilty pleasure?

Anon #4: So sorry to burst your bubble, but Chipotle used to be owned by McDonalds... that clown gets around.