Eleven

Hi! Did I get your attention?

Unfortunately, this post is NOT about the iPhone 11. But it honestly should be because I got one in midnight green aaaaand it's awesome.

Also, if you stumbled in here thinking this is an appreciation post for Stranger Things and Millie Bobby Brown, I'm about to disappoint you.

This IS about my blog turning eleven years old today. 

If my blog were a kid, she'd be a 6th grader (shoutout Mrs. Tubbs!). Can you believe it?  It seems like just yesterday I started... 

I'm kidding.  

It seems like a REALLY freaking long time ago that I started writing this blog. But I've loved having this outlet for my random thoughts. And I'm glad a few people still read it!

As we've done in 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 and 2018 let's take a look back at the last year...

Total Posts I've Written (including this one):
318

Average Number of Posts I Write Per Month:
0.7 (UP from 0.5 last year -- still not great, but a tiny bit better!)

Average Number of Unique Visitors Per Month:
526 (UP from 478 last year)

Average Pageviews Per Month:
2,981 (about even with 2,967 last year)

Most Traffic Comes From:
Tie between Google and Pinterest

Most-Read Blog Posts This Year:

To My Future Boyfriend
Packing Light

Most-Read Blog Posts Ever (in order of popularity):
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Pinterest (December 2012)
Which Christmas Cookie Are You? (December 2015)
A Gluten-Free Holiday Feast (December 2014)
Farewell, Crawleys (March 2016)
Dear Stores that Close on Thanksgiving (November 2015)
Grease Is the Word (January 2016)
Election Eve (November 2016)
Freedom (July 2016)
New View (September 2014)
20 Apps I Adore (January 2012)

Posts Nobody Gave a Crap About:
A Star Is Reborn
Dear DMV

Most Comments:
Beauty Products I Can't Live Without

Most Popular Poll:
I didn't do any this year.  Poo.
Up in the Air (all-time)

Most Frequently-Used Tag for the Posts I Write:
Pop Culture

Most Popular Search by Visitors:
Dating

Lastly, My Favorite Post I Wrote This Year (tie):
City of Angels
Eat Blog Love



Next on deck will be a recap of an event I helped produce in Brooklyn, the Loveseat Potato's annual review of Fall 2019 TV shows and I officially need glasses... 

Thanks (as always) for reading!

Packing Light

So I turned 46 yesterday...

Yeah, I'm going to need that Benjamin Button secret, because I'm reallllly not ok with being closer to 50 than I am to 40.

Barf.

Anyway, I'm in total denial that I'm middle-aged. So one of my best friends and I hopped on a jet plane to Nashville.  I'd never been before, but Tennessee sounded like a fun place to kick up our heels!

In my travels and in my life, I like to pack light.  I think small amounts of baggage are key to navigating any place, situation or relationship. Enough to be prepared, not so much that it weighs you down.

When I pack for a trip, I follow 4 rules:

RULE 1: PICK A COLOR

I always choose a main color -- usually either black or navy -- for all my clothes
and use that as the anchor for everything else I pack so I can mix and match. 
For Nash, in honor of Johnny Cash, I chose black.

RULE 2: ONLY BRING WHAT YOU'LL WEAR

As you see above, I lay out all my clothes so I don't bring more than I can wear.
For this long weekend getaway, I had 2 outfits per day, 1 pair of pjs,
2 pairs of shoes, sneakers, a few accessories and a jacket.
And everything fit in my favorite suitcase of all time from Away.

RULE 3: NEVER CHECK BAGS

I don't think I've checked a bag in 20 years. 
It's risky, a waste of time, and now with all these fees, a waste of money too!
That's another benefit to packing light, if you can't carry it, it can't come.

RULE 4: REPACK AS YOU GO

We woke up about 15 minutes before I took this pic. 
We're not scrambling around a messy room right here because I repack as I go. 
I unpack everything when I arrive and hang all my outfits together in the closet,
then as I wear them, they go right back back in my bag. 
My best friend does that too (nevermind all her clothes fit in a lunchbox).

So, there you have it.  My "wisdom" as I enter a new year: Make big memories and travel light.

Oh, and don't buy a cowboy hat in Nashville, no matter how tempting it may be...

2 old friends. 2 big hats. 1 late night, 0 filters.

Have any packing (or aging) tips? Drop them in the comments below!

Dear DMV

I love driving in Jersey.

Our highways are great. I think the jughandle is a glorious way to make a left turn.  It's sheer bliss that we don't have to pump our own gas.  I even think our state smells good!

You know what driving stereotype I DO believe?

The DMV is the worst.

YOU. ARE. THE. WORST.

When you sent me a letter telling me my license was expiring, I cringed. You told me I could renew by mail and save time. But you know what?  I hate my photo.  It's terrible. I blame you!

So, my vanity overruled my logic and I decided to come in for a visit.

Mistake.

The only time I've ever been psyched to be at the DMV was on my bday was when I turned 17 and got my first license. In fact, it was at the very same DMV I visited today.  The place was old 30 years ago.

Now, it's a complete shithole. (See above.)

A trip to the DMV is like a day in purgatory. The one in Wayne is literally falling apart. Even the signs that say "pardon our appearance" are peeling off. (The jig is up - no one believes something new is coming soon.) Everyone stands in line for HOURS. Are chairs so expensive? There is ZERO air in the dead of summer. Would a fan kill you?

Oh, and all your employees are like hostile zombies. Even the woman emptying the trash wore a tshirt that said "enemies" across the front.

So, morale is obviously an issue.

You know what else is an issue?  EFFICIENCY!

I actually had to visit you TWO times and spend almost FIVE hours of my life to get a valid, in-state  license renewed. Shocked?  Me neither.

Last Saturday, I arrived at 1pm and stood in a line under fluorescent lights in a steamy side room for two loooong hours until you closed. A smiling man in a yellow shirt eventually turned us away and cheerfully said to come back on Monday.

I bet he gets punched a lot.

Do you think if I could come on a Monday, I'd waste my Saturday with YOU?

No.

Today, I came back because I am obviously insane. I arrived at 11am -- FOUR hours before closing.  This time, we stood in a line OUTSIDE, baking in the sun. I didn't think to bring my sunscreen to the DMV, but no doubt the SPF would have washed away in a river of my sweat.

At noon, an officer told us that they might have accepted all the people they could see for the day.

Please note: It was still THREE hours until closing.

Ummm... what country are we in? What century is this?? What. The. Eff.

Please know, I speak not only for myself, but for the people I stood on line with. Twice. Inside and outside your flawed facility, my neighbors were very vocal as we experienced the 5 stages of grief together:

DENIAL
   "This shit costs how much?"
   "I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm going to Bloomingdales."

ANGER
   "Bitch, we're not moving"
   "I'm about to say fuck it & drive illegally."

BARGAINING
   "You want to sit in the car? No. If I have to suffer, so do you."
   "I owe you. We're hitting up Sonic after this. Get some tots and a Coney!"

DEPRESSION
   "I wish I would have never lost my license."
   "This line is mad long. I'm about to die."

ACCEPTANCE
   "There is no amount of deodorant that can keep me from stinking right now."
   "This is the greatest day of my life!"

(That last kid was getting his first license and a convertible BMW.  He doesn't count.)

In a miraculous twist, they let more of us inside. When I finally sloshed up to the counter -- nearly three hours later -- I noticed the woman who processed my paperwork was wearing a sweater.

"The break room is so cold," she said.

Right then, my head exploded, which was unfortunate because I was about to take a pic.

You take BREAKS when a hundred people are standing in the sun? And you CRANK the air conditioning in the break room while every other area is a sauna? And your staff is STILL miserable?

I can't.

After all that nonsense, I did get my license.  When she handed it to me, she said, "Pretty."

Don't you try to sweet talk me. Get it together, DMV!

You are awful.
Jen

Eat Blog Love

When I first started 10+ years ago, I thought about making this a food blog.

I like to cook. And everybody eats, right?

Then I realized it's a lot of work.

Like, a LOT. Too much for a hobby.

So I decided to write about random shit that's on my mind instead. But my food posts are definitely some of my faves. Especially the taste tests.  And my mom's eggplant parm recipe, which puts all other eggplant parms in all the land to shame.

Last week, I worked on an event for 500 food bloggers and it made me wish I was one of them.

Minus the hard work. Plus the snacks.

It was in Brooklyn, which I always think is a hassle to get to. But when I go, I'm glad I'm there. And for food, it was the perfect place.  Take a look...

The event was held at Berg'n, a hipster hangout in Crown Heights.
We brought the balloons.

No event would be complete without a mountain of gift bags.
That was the first of many treats in this room.  

While I hoped Dunkin' would bring a dumptruck of Munchkins to this event,
they brought their new egg sandwiches instead.
which I'm sure was amazing for people who can stomach eggs.

This is Gail Becker, she created Caulipower pizza because her kids have severe
food allergies. In an Oprah moment, she gave us all free pizzas!

The highlight for this TV lover was meeting Bethenny Frankel,
the original Skinny Girl and Real Housewife of New York.
She was taller than I thought she'd be, but maybe it was those killer shoes. 

Baked By Melissa came back too. Last year, they spelled our name in cupcakes.
This year, they made an infinity table full of them in every flavor under the sun!
(Don't tell anyone I had at least 5 of the PB&Js.)

Me and my friend, Deb, around lunchtime. If I look drunk, it's because I am.
Kidding.
I'd been to Orlando & Chicago right before this, and was running on about
4 hours sleep. I didn't bring any bags, except the ones under my left eye.

Yes, rose was, in fact, served all day.

Shenielle Jones from the Today Show walked in about 1 minute before this interview
and was a total pro. And the convo between Christina Tosi of Milkbar
and Gail Simmons of Top Chef was an inspiring one.

Christina also brought us cookies!
I always thought Compost was my fave for it's salty sweet goodness,
but the Cornflake Marshmallow one was ahhhmazing.

Speaking of cookies... this was a warm choc chip from our partner, David Leite.
He tried over 100 recipes before he perfected this one.
I think the dough sits in the fridge for 2 days. And there's sea salt involved.
It's magical.

The night before the event, I spent about an hour setting up 2 displays like this
for Smirnoff's launch of their infused vodkas.
They looked delicious. And dangerous. But mostly delicious!

Is there anything better than chips & guac?  Yes.
Chips & guac served by badass exec chef Ariel Fox from Dos Caminos.
She also won Hell's Kitchen. NBD.

Our happiest hour had lots of tasty bites, but this was my fave.
It was a butternut squash (or maybe sweet potato?) arancini drizzled with honey.
Fried food = yum.

Me and my partner in crime, Jen, at the end of the night.
We work together on all these awesome events.

Who ordered a photobomb? Me!

Me and our head of video, Reshma. This photo really sums up our friendship.
And that's Erika in the back -- my awesome co-worker and Hoboken co-pilot.

When I got home, I remembered I got a sweet gift from Dani B.
We went to middle & high school together, and now she's a talented baker 
who has a shop in Asbury Park. Check her out!

Beauty Products I Can't Live Without

I'm often told that I look younger than I am (45 and a half -- barf).

Honestly, I think everyone looks about a decade younger than our parents did when they were our age.

But I will share my #1 beauty secret...

It's Snapchat filters!

Okaaaay. I kid! Mostly. I mean, they ARE magical and they do wonders for your self-esteem, amiright?

But seriously, my beauty routine is simple. And I've used many of the same products and brands since college.

And I've kept it pretty real with the whole aging thing. Nothing against anyone who turns back the hands of time with potions and procedures.

You do you!

But for me, what you see is what you get. My lips, lashes, hair, nails and all the rest are all natural. I even accept the lines on my forehead and the tiny wrinkles outside my eyes.

I DO draw the line at gray hairs, though. Those effers got to GO.

So, I pluck them.

Of course, I don't look (or feel) great every day -- but when I do, it's probably due to some combination of the stuff below. And maybe also happiness. And maybe genetics. And maybe the fact that I haven't been in the sun in, like, a decade.

Anyhoo, my go-to beauty products range from the corner drugstore to the fancy department stores. Read on for my faves and why I love them sooo much...

FACE

I don't wear a ton of makeup -- a little color on my cheeks, lips, lashes and I'm good to go.  That doesn't mean that I don't have blotchy skin sometimes, or breakout with hormonal acne on my chin once a month.  I do.  I just don't cover it up because I think it goes away faster if I leave it alone. If you looked inside my makeup bag right now, here's what you'd find:

• Clinique blush in Aglow: I've been wearing this one for 20+ years and I love it.
• H&M kabuki blush brush: It's the only thing I've ever bought from that store that's lasted.
• NARS bronzer in Luster: For summer days when I'm feeling pale.
• Julep So Plush lip gloss in All the Feels: I buy these 3 at a time (they discontinued my original favorite, so I can't be too careful).
• Fresh Sugar lip treatment (original): The world's best lip balm, smooth & citrusy.
• Tweezerman: Legitimately the only tweezers worth owning. I like a bushy brow, but these keep me from looking like Frida Kahlo.
• NYX butter gloss in Fortune Cookie: A cheap drugstore find with just a hint of color. I like.
• NARS lip gloss in Sweet Revenge: A sheer pink that's not gloppy, which is a win in lip gloss.
• Bobbi Brown lip gloss in Buff 4: You can't go wrong with Bobbi, especially if you like a more natural look.
• Kat Von D tattoo liner in Trooper Black: If a pencil and a liquid liner had a baby, it would be this. Bonus: It fades to a smokey eye the next morning if you "forget" to wash it off.
• Dior Show waterproof mascara Lash Extension in Black & Iconic Overcurl in Over Black: I don't waste money on any other brand of mascara. I'm hooked on the whole line, but Overcurl is the best.

HAIR

I've tried SO many hair products. But, truth be told, I only do my hair, like, once a week. That's when the blowdryer and the paddle brush get a workout. Most days I leave with a wet head and my hair dries in the car on the way to work. Nevertheless, I swear by these products and I stockpile them like a hoarder...

• Fekkai Brilliant Glossing shampoo & conditioner in Olive Oil: Smells. So. Good. And it last all day. You can even put your hair in a pony at night and the next day, it STILL smells good.
• Living Proof No Frizz Humidity Shield spray and Nourishing styling cream: This is worth the splurge, especially if your relationship with your hair is complicated, like mine.
• Pantene 2 in 1 Sheer Volume shampoo & conditioner: I think I've used Pantene since it was invented. We used to have jugs of it in our shower in college. And the 2 in 1 is still my fave esp when I'm running late for work and need to save time.
• Pantene Pro-V dry shampoo: When I REALLY need to save time and skip the hair wash entirely, this does the trick. Just spray the roots, give it a shake and you're good to go.
• Scunci large size hair elastics: I have a million hair accessories, but nothing holds my hair as well as a plain black elastic. (On a related note, can someone explain why Millennials now think they invented the scrunchie? Try again.) 
• Neutrogena Anti-Residue shampoo: This is like a reset button for your hair. And it also smells clean.
• Dove Extra Hold hairspray: Not sticky, and still keeps its shape. What more could you want? 
• Not Your Mother's Beach Babe sea salt spray: This Jersey girl loves her big hair, and this spray gives me a messy wave (in a good way). Like a day at the beach in a bottle!

NAILS

Unpopular opinion: I absolutely hate professional manicures & pedicures, and do not find them relaxing in the slightest. But I love doing my own nails. And I'm SO happy that navy nail polish was invented. What a time to be alive! Here are my top 7 shades...

• Smith & Cult in 1972: I bought this because I was born in 73, and the rose gold shade looks good on everyone all year round.
• Revlon in Iconic: A classic brand with a charcoal twist, this is a beautiful dark neutral that's less severe than black.
• Sally Hansen Miracle Gel in Beatnik & Top Coat: My hands-down fave drugstore brand in a hot color.
• Zoya in Hunter: I get compliments every single time I wear this shade. This pic doesn't quite do it justice, but it's a great green.
• Deborah Lippman in Rolling in the Deep: Did I mention I love navy?  This one is a goodie.
• Tom Ford in Bitter Bitch: I would wear this for the name alone, but it's also the perfect brownish burgundy. 
• Julep in Jennifer (center): Need I say more? It's sheer perfection.

SKIN

You might be sensing a trend here, but I don't have a whole skin regimen either. In fact, I just use soap, most nights I take my makeup off and occasionally I moisturize. That's about it. I don't mess with serums, night creams, exfoliators, masks, oils or toners. It's not that I don't need them.  I probably do.  It's that I am LAZY. Here's all that I have the energy to use...

• Child perfume: At least once a week someone tells me I smell good. It's all thanks to this baby. I'm SO picky about fragrance, but this one is a keeper.  It's expensive, so I get the rollerball instead of the spray, that way I don't waste a single drop. 
• Irish Spring soap: My college boyfriend used this soap and I grew to like it too. It's the only soap I use -- even on my face -- and I go back and forth between original and moisturizing.
• Vaseline Intensive Care moisturizer in Aloe: I find moisturizing annoying but this one smells good and I think it works fine.
• Neutrogena makeup wipes: Hands-down my favorite makeup remover.

SMILE

There's nothing better than a genuine smile to make anyone beautiful. I wore braces for 4.5 years as a teenager, and most recently, I had a run-in with a root canal, but still, my smile is my favorite feature. I always just use the toothbrush and floss that my dentist gives me, but there are 2 products my teeth can't live without...

• Crest Pro Health Advanced toothpaste with gum protection: This toothpaste is delicious! It has little grains in it that scrub my teeth and my mouth feels fresher longer after brushing. Extra Gum Protection is really my fave, but that one is hard to find. So regular will have to do.
• Crest 3D White whitestrips in the gentle formula: I do this about once a year but the original formula irritates my gums. This one works too and doesn't hurt!

Well, for someone who claims to have a low-maintenance beauty routine, I somehow found 32 products I can't live without.  Typical.

Did I hit on any of your favorites? Any I missed?  Spill YOUR beauty secrets below...

To My Future Boyfriend

Everyone in my company got a red rose today, which was SUCH a sweet gesture.

As I was chopping my longstem rose down to put it in water (aka my makeshift Coke cup vase), something occurred to me: It's been a while since I've gotten flowers on V-Day.

Like, a long while.

I'm sure that has NOTHING to do with my superficial dating criteria that you be over 6ft tall and have dark eyes and hair (on your head).

Or, the fact that I almost never go on dates anymore.

But I am thinking about it. For reals.

And when I do meet the right guy (aka YOU), here are ten things you should know...

1. I'm very independent.  Some say too independent.  So the fact is, I'll rarely need your help and I probably won't ever ask for it. Unless I need to open a jar.  Then, I promise I'll come knocking.  I mean, the salsa doesn't serve itself!
2. I may not like to get help, but I LOVE to give it.  I am a fixer, so I'll want to do nice things for you and help you solve your problems. Just let me do it and pretend to take my advice.  It comes from a good place.  
3. I won't ask you to buy me expensive things.  I buy those myself.  In fact, I think we should share most expenses.  Except our first date.  That's on you.
4. I'm an affectionate person, but I probably won't kiss you on our first date. When we do, I wholeheartedly believe in the 90/10 rule.
5. I don't like an overly manscaped man.  I mean, we should both handle our own yardwork, but I'M supposed to be the one without any chest hair, not you.
6. I appreciate the little things -- so open my doors, say "bless you" when I sneeze, and ask me to call or text when I get home.  It's not really about the manners (though I'm glad if you know the bread is on the left and the drink is on the right).  It's about the sentiment behind it that says you care. About me. Not Emily Post. Eff her.
7. I'll do anything for my family and close friends, and generally put their needs above my own. So I'll understand if there are people in your life that you need to prioritize above us.  Same goes for work. After all, we need to pay for the amazing adventures we're about to have.
8. I'm on friendly terms with all my exes but one, and I'm a super loyal open book. I won't give you any reason to question me. That should be mutual.  
9. I don't believe in soulmates. They were invented by Hallmark and the government.  I DO believe that compatible people are put in our path and it's up to us to recognize them and grow together.
10. My endgame isn't marriage. That doesn't mean I won't want to marry you.  I might.  But I might not.  Either way, YOU will definitely want to marry ME.  I'm a serious catch.

Did I mention you also need to think I'm funny?

Until we meet...

love,
jen

PS: While we're at it, I hope you aren't a baby talker, bad speller, sidewalk spitter or terrible tipper.

PPS: Also, I don't like grocery store assorted flower bunches. If you buy them, I will still love them because they came from you. But I will love them more if they are plain yellow roses without baby's breath, ferns or other gross fillers mucking it up. Grocery stores sell those too.  Just sayin.

PPPS: If we ever do meet and you read this, I will be mortified.  Unless you think it's cute, which will secretly make me love you even more.

City of Angels

My first post of 2019 is all about work, which, let's be honest, is basically my life.

Cue the violins...

I mean, it's rough kicking off the year in sunny Los Angeles at an empowering event for female social media influencers.

Right?  No?

Ha, ok, anyway, we haven't been in LA for a couple of years, so it was cool to be back on the west coast. And what better place to talk about health & wellness than a city founded on yoga, green juice, and eternal youth?

Check it out:

Not mad about leaving this wintry Newark day behind!

Pretty sure those are the Rockies, but I couldn't really hear the captain.

Hello, LA!

The first thing I saw when I arrived for setup were these buckets of
beautiful roses. In my next life, I'm def going to be a florist.

600 tote bags were stuffed with goodies and stacked.

And upstairs on the roof, I saw somebody brought their
tiny dog to an active construction site.  Smart.

Outside in the alley, a guy was painting our mural.

Eventually our guests started to arrive to take
a private exercise class with the Tone It Up girls.

I'm pretty sure the recommended post-workout drink is rosé.

Here are our Voices of the Year winners, including Olympic Gymnast,
 Aly Raisman (top left), and our very own Jenni (bottom right), who was
diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma last year and is now cancer-free!

Street art spotted from the window of my Uber after Day One.

Day Two ready to begin....
(or at least what it would have looked like
if they weren't still hanging our logo when our guests arrived).

Samantha! Alyssa Milano was gracious and personable, talking about how a
friendship with Ryan White led her to become an activist at age 15.

Jameela Jamil, from The Good Place, flipped off advertisers
& influencers who make women feel bad about their bodies.

Model Jaime King spoke openly about her infertility issues.

That's celeb trainer & CoverGirl spokeswoman, Massy Arias.

And this lady in the glasses is Dr Minkin, a hilarious OBGYN from Yale,
who told us the morning after pill was invented in her dept.

Our lunch came from a lovely local place called Lemonade.

We also had a barista making pretty coffee drinks.
That's my friend, Deb's, latte.

The freight elevator was turned into the De-Stress Express
with loads of new Vaseline products & a cool sequin wall.

Remember that rooftop with the dog?
It was transformed into this outdoor oasis for Bolthouse Farms.

When it was all over, my team snapped a quick pic.
Thanks to this filter, we don't look nearly as tired as we were!

Then we washed down a health event with a whole lot of meat.
Some of my friends got the Tomahawk Steak, which was served
on a gigantic bone, but I went with the Big Ass Burger,
which was honestly one of the best I ever had.

This is the view from my window seat.
Not pictured here is me, dreaming of my bed. 
Zzzzzz.