Ah, the holidays! For many singletons, it’s that special time of year when your geeky co-workers start to look pretty good, and your exes somehow find themselves on the wrong end of a late-night phone call (after three too many Santa-tinis). But that’s not me. Really!
Truth is, I’d rather be alone than be with someone I’m not interested in. And until I’m a tragic spinster with fourteen cats, I’ll continue thinking that way.
Besides, flying solo definitely has its perks -- especially at the holidays. Here’s 25 reasons that might have YOU wishing you were single too:
1. You don’t have to argue in the cab on the way home about him hitting on an elf
2. Nobody will snore in your ear while you’re trying to have a silent night
3. No sense getting your candy canes in a twist over who’s family to spend the holidays with
4. No need to smile and pretend to like the present his mom gave you
5. You don’t have to go to his holiday party and make small talk with his boss, Senor Halitosis
6. Don’t believe the hype, flannel pajamas and cotton undies are all the rage
7. You don’t have to shave (assuming you enjoy being called Chewbacca Claus)
8. Nobody drinks the last of the egg nog and puts the empty container back in the fridge
9. Your DVR can be full of awful Lifetime holiday movies and no one will erase them
10. No one will yell at you for taking your laptop on Christmas vacation
11. Snow falls from the sky, not from his scalp (‘tis the season for the flakes that don’t melt)
12. You don’t have to dress up in matching reindeer sweaters for your annual holiday card
13. You can eat an entire tray of Christmas cookies and no one will judge
14. You can poke all the assorted chocolates and put the ones you don’t like back in the box
15. You can sing Christmas songs off-key and nobody will throw M&Ms at your head
16. You can be naughty and no one will care but Santa
17. No unnecessary “ornaments,” like stinky socks and dirty boxers, hanging around the house
18. The toilet seat is always where you want it (this is a gift that keeps on giving all year long)
19. No scruff to make your face as red as Rudolph’s nose
20. Snuggling is overrated, having all the blankets to yourself on a cold winter’s night is priceless
21. Two empty stockings = twice the presents
22. You can take the money you would have spent on his gifts and spend it on booze
23. No painful trips through the nutcracker, aka when are you two FINALLY getting married?
24. No fear of broadcasting on Facebook that you’ve moved to Splitsville, Population: You
25. Think of the money you’ll save on mistletoe!
(See anything I missed? List it below!)