A Star Is Reborn

Unlike 98% of Twitter and Instagram, I did not spend the holidays watching Bird Box.

Ordinarily, my FOMO would be raging, if it didn't seem so dumb.

(Naming your kids Boy and Girl?  I can't.)

Instead, I watched a Star Is Born marathon with my mom and it was heavenly.

There have been 4 versions of this story in total -- the first was in 1934.  But we're going to skip that one because it's in black & white and features a bunch of actors I've never heard of.



The 3 we DID see have a few common elements:

• He's a drunk and his best days are in the rear view. 
• He helps create her rise to fame, then resents her for it.
• He humiliates her at an award show, and she forgives him.
• She hates her nose, but he thinks she's beautiful.
• He says, "I just want to take another look at you." And we all melt.

They also all end the same way -- different paths but the same result.

If you know, you know.  No spoilers here...


A Star Is Born (1954)

Starring; Judy Garland as Esther Blodgett/Vicki Lester, a chorus girl, & James Mason as Earnest Gubbins/Norman Maine, a motion picture star

Box Office: Cost $5M to make, earned $15M

Best Song: Born in a Trunk, I guess, but it was long and trippy

We watched this one on TCM.  While my mom loved it, it really wasn't my favorite. I think they ran out of money when making this movie because there were weird segments with photos and voiceovers to fill in the action.  And it had one of those olden timey intermissions because it is 3hrs loooooong.  I also didn't connect with the mains, she was too pretty (but kept saying she wasn't, which was annoying), and he wasn't pretty or charismatic enough. Glad this one was remade.

Fun Fact: Shortly before the premiere, the film was cut because it was too long (duh).  It was restored in 1983, though most of the original footage was lost, which explains why there are production stills and voiceovers used to cover the action.


A Star Is Born (1976)

Starring: Barbra Streisand as Esther Hoffman, a lounge singer, & Kris Kristofferson as John Norman Howard, a rock star

Box Office: Cost $6M to make, earned $89M

Best Song: Most people prob think Evergreen, but I like Watch Closely Now

I first remember this one when I was little and we lived in the Bronx.  My mom used to play the record when she cleaned our apartment.  I've seen this version a few times, over Christmas we watched it on Amazon Prime.  This one is WAY more my speed with its rock vibe, but it's SO old, Gary Busey actually plays the voice of reason.  Let that marinate for a sec...  Ok.  I love this one for her fast-talking New York ways, and its seventies spirit.  Definitely worth the watch.

Fun Fact: The Speedway concert scenes were filmed at ASU.  Inbetween shooting, Babs, Peter Frampton & Santana performed.  And a ticket to the show cost $3.50.  Good deal.


A Star Is Born (2018)

Starring: Lady Gaga as Ally Campano, a cater waiter and cabaret singer, & Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine, a country music star

Box Office: Cost $36M, earned $200M (and counting)

Best Song: Shallow, and you are dead inside if you don't love it too

I've seen this one in the movies -- twice -- and it is hands-down my fave.  Lady Gaga's voice is unreal.  My mom didn't think she was a great actress, but my bar is lower, so I liked her and thought she had amazing chemistry with beautiful Bradley Cooper, who was also the director.  Plus, he sings!  And plays guitar!  And speaks fluent French! Seriously, what CAN'T this man do?  I also appreciated the appearance by Andrew Dice Clay.  I hope this movie wins every Golden Globe, Oscar and Grammy it can.  If you haven't seen it yet, what are you waiting for??

Fun Fact: This is the only version of the movie where the male lead isn't named Norman, and the female lead isn't named Esther.  But there is a cute nod to Judy Garland (Esther #2), as Gaga sings a few lines from Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the intro.


After watching 7.5 hours of this story, we decided there's a Star Is Born for every generation.

Which one do YOU think hits all the right notes?

Women Who Rock

This post is inspired by a deep comment I received on my last post:

"why r these all dudes"

Why, indeed, Anonymous.  Why, indeed.

I think it's because I had (or have) a crush on one or more members of these bands.  And I like dudes.

But your excellent point is well taken.  There are lots of amazing female singers out there!

I don't happen to be one of them, of course.

I might be tone deaf, I have shitty range, and I've got more of a low man singing voice than a high lady voice.  In fact, our chorus teacher in 7th grade told me I should find a different hobby.  Like art.

So I did.

Now I just sing in cars and when I'm cleaning the shower.

Here are 8 ladies I wish I sounded like:

NATALIE MERCHANT
I Became a Fan in: 1988, I was 15

Natalie, in a Word: Muse

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Because the Night

Best Line: Love is a banquet on which we feed.

GWEN STEFANI
I Became a Fan in: 1995, I was 22

Gwen, in a Word: Strong

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Don't Speak

Best Line: It looks as though you're letting go. And if it's real, well I don't want to know.

FIONA APPLE
I Became a Fan in: 1996, I was 23

Fiona, in a Word: Mercurial

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Criminal

Best Line: But I keep living this day like the next will never come.

P!NK
I Became a Fan in: 2001, I was 28

P!nk, in a Word: In Your Face (that's 3, I know)

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Who Knew

Best Line: That last kiss, I'll cherish until we meet again.

SHAKIRA
I Became a Fan in: 2002, I was 29

Shakira, in a Word: Spicy

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Empire

Best Line: Shake off all of your sins and give them to me.

LADY GAGA
I Became a Fan in: 2008, I was 35

Gaga, in a Word: Iconic

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Applause

Best Line: Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me.

SIA
I Became a Fan in: 2011, I was 38

Sia, in a Word: Artistic

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Unstoppable

Best Line: I'm a Porsche with no brakes.

LORDE
I Became a Fan in: 2013, I was 40

Lorde, in a Word: Prodigy

If I Sang Karaoke, I'd Sing: Royals

Best Line: We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams.

So, that's my list.  Show YOUR love for the ladies below...

tags: music

My Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

My brother says I never blog about anything good.

Right now, I'm watching the 2017 inductees into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.  Some of my best music memories involve my bro (like this pic from a Primus show at Roseland Ballroom in 2011).  So I'm feeling inspired to write a post.

Bud, this one's for you!

First, I've got to say, there's something super depressing about aging rockers.  I think it's because good music takes you back to a great memory.  And memories, by definition, take place when you were younger.

So when you see that the guy singing your favorite song is now all gray and wrinkly and old, that means so are YOU.

Aint nothing rock & roll about that.

Anyway, here is my very own Hall of Fame -- 12 inductees in all -- and my memories to go with them:

THE BEE GEES
I Became a Fan in: 1977, I was 4

Fave Memory: Growing up, there was this huge wooden cabinet that my parents had built to house a record player my dad brought back from Vietnam. The earliest music I remember came from those records -- in our 2 bedroom apartment in the Bronx.  My mom would turn on the music when she cleaned, and I clearly remember the Brothers Gibb.  They're still great!  CBS just did a disco-rific special on them, and I watched it twice  You are legit dead inside if their songs don't get you dancing.

Fave Member: Barry Gibb
Fave Album: Saturday Night Fever (1977)
Fave Song: Tragedy

RICK SPRINGFIELD
I Became a Fan in: 1982, I was 9

Fave Memory: Fun fact -- this was my very first concert!  Til Tuesday opened. Seeing Dr. Noah Drake for my 12th birthday with floor seats at Brendan Byrne Arena (now the Izod Center) was a dream come true.  I know he was singing just for me and my mom.  I'm pretty sure my poor brother (who was 7 at the time) had to wear earplugs.  This was HIS first concert too.  You're welcome.

Fave Member: That's easy.
Fave Album: Working Class Dog (1981)
Fave Song: Jessie's Girl (did you honestly think it would be anything else?)

DURAN DURAN
I Became a Fan in: 1983, I was 10

Fave Memory: This band reminds me of my childhood best friend and the co-ed birthday parties we would go to in the 5th and 6th grades.  It was usually in someone's basement, and Duran Duran music videos were on the TV. Looking back, I can't believe anyone's parents let us watch them.  They were scandalous!  But then again, so was Judy Blume.

Fave Member: John Taylor
Fave Album: Duran Duran (1981)
Fave Song: Rio

BON JOVI
I Became a Fan in: 1986, I was 13

Fave Memory: This was the first concert I was allowed to go to with just friends -- no parents.  Well, except for my friend's dad who was a NJ State Trooper and worked security at the arena. Anyway, I remember bleaching a pair of Guess jeans, ripping a few holes in them, teasing my hair way up to the sky and rocking out.  Skid Row opened.  Then they made an announcement that they were filming some of the crowd scenes for an upcoming video.  It was Livin' on a Prayer!

Fave Member: C'mon, you know it's JBJ
Fave Album: Slippery When Wet (1986)
Fave Song: Tie -- Livin' on a Prayer & Runaway

U2
I Became a Fan in: 1987, I was 14

Fave Memory: I really have 3 here, but I think I'll go with my 1st. Seeing Rattle & Hum in the movies.  It was Thanksgiving weekend and we went in a huge group to the Willowbrook Mall. I was a sophomore and I think my whole high school was at the theater.  It was part documentary, part concert, and part a chance to flirt with cute boys.  A fun night.

Fave Member: Bono's cool as shit, but I do love The Edge
Fave Album: Joshua Tree (1987)
Fave Song: I CAN'T PICK. Where The Streets Have No Name. Electrical Storm. Vertigo.

THE CURE
I Became a Fan in: 1988, I was 15

Fave Memory: While all my friends were sneaking out to go to the Limelight, I was home watching 120 Minutes on MTV and drawing in my sketchpad until the wee hours of the morning.  It's funny that I loved such moody, melancholy music when I looked like an extra from Valley Girl. But it really spoke to me.  I'm a riddle wrapped in an enigma.

Fave Member: Robert Smith
Fave Album: Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me (1987)
Fave Song: Just Like Heaven

DEPECHE MODE
I Became a Fan in: 1988, still 15

Fave Memory: There were a ton of concert movies being made around this time, and I remember when we got 101.  It was on 2 video tapes and I think we watched it 101 times, like a concert in the living room. The band filmed it on a tour that ended at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, all in black & white.  Those VCR tapes make me laugh too, because my brother and I invented an older brother named Jimmy so that we could get Columbia House/BMG to send us more CDs or movies for 1 penny.  Getting one over on the man.  Super rock & roll.

Fave Member: Dave Gahan, the beauty (and shout out to Martin Gore, the brains)
Fave Album: Violator (1990)
Fave Song: Behind the Wheel

NINE INCH NAILS
I Became a Fan in: 1989, I was 16

Fave Memory: This reminds me of when I first got my license.  I was 17 and got a white Jetta for my bday (lucky girl). There was always a mixtape playing. One of the first times I drove without my parents, I took my brother to 7-11 for Coke Slurpees. NIN was on the radio when we pulled into the garage, and I proceeded to scrape the whole left side of my car along the wall.  No bueno.  Luckily, my dad buffed the scratch out and it was good as new.

Fave Member: Trent Reznor (honestly, I don't know the name of the other dude)
Fave Album: Pretty Hate Machine (1989)
Fave Song: Head Like a Hole (Sin is a v close 2nd)

PEARL JAM
I Became a Fan in: 1991, I was 18

Fave Memory: I think these guys may have recorded the best debut album in the history of music. There's not a bad song on Ten (except maybe Oceans, that's a bit of a clunker). The best was seeing them at MSG with my bro -- maybe in 2003?  Not totally sure about the year, but what I do remember is that they put on 2 encores.  Eddie just decided he wanted to keep playing, and he said they were going to charge them a ton of money but he didn't care. It was epic.

Fave Member: Eddie Vedder, but I like Stone Gossard too
Fave Album: Ten (1991)
Fave Song: THIS IS SO HARD. Can't pick one.  Alive.  Black.  Better Man.  Rearviewmirror. Porch. State of Love and Trust.

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
I Became a Fan in: 1995, I was 21

Fave Memory: This one is bittersweet, I'll be honest.  I had probably the best date of my life at a DMB concert at Jones Beach in 2009.  But that all went to shit.  So a close second is summers I spent in Newport, RI. For years after college, my friends, my brother and I would rent houses there.  Every weekend was filled with beach, beer, and this band. His early stuff reminds me of suntan lotion and day drinking. A carefree time.

Fave Member: Dave's great and all, but I like Boyd Tinsley best
Fave Album: Under the Table and Dreaming (1994)
Fave Song: Dancing Nancies (next is Two Step)

MAROON 5
I Became a Fan in: 2002, I was 29

Fave Memory: It was 2008 and I'd just back moved into the city after a couple of tough years.  I was still living with boxes, but one of my best friends came in to celebrate and we went out to eat, drink, and dance.  I remember Michael Phelps was raking in the gold medals at the Olympics in Beijing on TV and while the bar was cheering, we were dancing to Maroon 5 -- then the 80's tunes kicked in and we really got down.  We wound up with hoarse voices, sore feet, and a late night trip to a diner for grilled cheese.  But that wasn't the beer talking, I'm pretty sure it's the law.

Fave Member: It's got to be Adam Levine, I'm a sucker for an arrogant jerk
Fave Album: Songs About Jane (2002)
Fave Song: Harder to Breathe

FALL OUT BOY
I Became a Fan in: 2005, I was 32

Fave Memory:  These guys know how to crank out a catchy tune!  I remember Uma Thurman was the first song that came on when I drove my new car off the lot last summer -- and I turned it up loud.  It was torture not having wheels for 8 years when I lived in the city.  A car is freedom!  There's honestly nothing I like more than driving.  Fast.  To great music. Oh, hell yes.

Fave Member: Patrick Stump
Fave Album: From Under the Cork Tree
Fave Song: Centuries & My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark




So that's my list.  And don't think I haven't fallen in love with any new bands in the past decade.  I have!

To name a few: Bruno Mars, Ed Sheeran, The Chainsmokers, Shawn Mendes (I freaking love this kid -- you need I Know What You Did Last Summer in your life).  They're all great future members of my Hall of Fame.

Congrats to the REAL class of 2017: ELO, Joan Baez, Tupac Shakur, Yes, Journey, Nile Rogers & Pearl Jam.

The show was great -- Lenny Kravitz's tribute to Prince was awesome.  Pearl Jam killed it, per usual.  But the big shock of the night was with Journey.  I had NO idea Steve Perry was mindblowingly replaced by a small, young Filipino guy in a pink suit.

But man, can he sing!

Like my bands?  Think they're lame?  Give YOUR faves a shout out below...


tags: music, pop culture

My 5 Favorite Beatles Songs

I just got back from a whirlwind tour for the last 3 weeks.

I hit Del Boca Vista, then Scottsdale, then back to Del Boca.  As I was walking through JFK yesterday on my way home, I saw a news bulletin about a few famous fellows who arrived at JFK exactly 50 years earlier.

The Beatles!

There was similar fanfare when I arrived. 

Beatlemania was before my time (I'm old but I'm not THAT old). From what I gather, they were bigger than Jesus.

Paul has always been my fave of the Fab Four. Ringo was too goofy, George was too serious, and John was too trippy for me. Paul seemed like a sensible choice.

What do you know? Most of the Beatles songs I like best were sung (sang? singed?) by Sir Paul. Here's my top 5:

Eleanor Rigby from Revolver (1966)
Why I like it: In 8th grade music class we learned to play this tragic song on a guitar.  Beatles, both alive and dead, rolled over in their graves that day but I bet Eleanor liked it.
Lead vocals: Paul McCartney
Fun fact: She was originally called Miss Daisy Hawkins.

All You Need Is Love from Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
Why I like it: It's used in one of the best scenes of one of my favorite movies of all time, Love Actually. Plus it came out on my mom's bday.
Lead vocals: John Lennon
Fun fact: The song starts with the French national anthem, La Marseillaise.

Yesterday from Help! (1965)
Why I like it: If this song doesn't choke you up, just a little bit, you are dead inside.
Lead vocals: Paul McCartney
Fun fact: McCartney composed the whole melody in a dream at his girlfriend's house, and it was called Scrambled Eggs before it had a title.

Helter Skelter from The White Album (1968)
Why I like it: This one makes the list because of U2's cover on Rattle & Hum -- they're MY fab 4.
Lead vocals: Paul McCartney
Fun fact: The Who was the inspiration for Paul writing this rowdy song, it was later adopted as an anthem by Charles Manson

Get Back from Let it Be (1970)
Why I like it: When I was a kid I thought Jojo was a man who thought he was a woman, not a loner. Still makes me laugh when I hear this song.
Lead vocals: Paul McCartney
Fun fact: Paul looked at Yoko Ono in the studio when he sang, "Get back to where you once belonged."

poll by twiigs.com

The Beatles released 217 songs -- list YOUR favorites below!


tags: music, polls, pop culture

Jingle All the Way

Last Friday, I finally awoke from a triptophan coma (gobble, gobble) to attend Jingle Ball, a 4-hour Christmas concert sponsored by I Heart Radio and Z-100.

If you ever want to feel old, go to a radio station concert meant for tweens.  If you ever want to feel young, buy a beer at MSG -- they still card, even at my advanced age.

Bless their hearts.

I was there with one of my best buds, we can have fun anyplace.  The evening was a smorgasbord of celebrities (Katie Holmes, Anna Kendrick, Ryan Seacrest), random rockstars (Enrique Iglesias, Fall Out Boy, Selena Gomez, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis), and desperate attention seekers (Lindsay Lohan).

Plus, the tix were free.  What's not to love?

Here are the highlights:

Happiest to Be Alive: Pitbull

This guy loves life.  And why shouldn't he?  Looking all dapper in a black suit and dress shirt that didn't show any of the sweat that was beading up on his bald head, he hosted a hottie hoedown with dancing girls in denim cutoffs and cowboy boots.  His set was a total party -- def my fave act of the night.
Best Song: Timber

Biggest Realization: Robin Thicke

I was psyched to hear Blurred Lines.  And it was good!  Then I realized I don't care about any of his other songs (except When I Get You Alone).  It was nice that he played the piano.  And he actually sang.  And I appreciated that he dressed up in a leopard jacket.  But one fact remained: I don't care about any of his other songs.
Best Song: what do you think?

Worst Lip Syncher: Austin Mahone

I knew I was out of my element when Jordin Sparks called all the "Mahomeys in the house."  I'm sorry... the WHO?  A man-child bounced out with an iridescent silver suit and Bieber's hairdo.  Then he began to sing.  And by sing, I mean forget to move his mouth because he was too busy looking like a dancing teenage Tin Man.  And so, we started taking selfies to pass the time until the next act came on.
Best Song: Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Stinky poo-poo.

Coolest Band: Paramore

Lead singer, Hayley Williams, just seems awesome.  But during Misery Business, she plucked a fan from the audience (Brian), brought him up onstage, and handed him the mic to sing the chorus.  She totally made his life -- and a great moment in the show.
Best Song: Still Into You

Most Criminal Remake: Ariana Grande

Apparently this doe-eyed Disney princess has been dubbed "Little Mariah."  But the Supreme Queen of All Christmas Songs must be weeping over the aggravated assault committed against Wham!  Ariana gave Last Christmas a whiny beat-down.  Geez, what did George Michael ever do to YOU?
Best Song: I have no clue what any of her songs are called.

Hardest Act to Follow: Miley Cyrus

The star of the show was Miley "Hanna Montana Is Dead" Cyrus.  Good thing she went last.  Let's start with the outfit: I'm pretty sure Mrs Claus bedazzled Jane Fonda's aerobics suit from 1982 and Miley bought it in a yard sale.  Then she spent her time onstage grinding on a drunk hobo Santa, a sexy little person, and a drag queen dressed like a Christmas tree.  She's a mess.  But boy, can that girl sing!
Best Song: Wrecking Ball



What songs put YOU in the holiday spirit?  Serenade me below...


tags: holidays, music, pop culture

Guilty Pleasures

My family teases me that my iPhone is filled with ringtones because I only download songs that are popular -- never, ever a full CD.

It's true.

I might have horrible taste in music.

But what makes a song respectable?  I mean, if loving Xanadu is wrong, I don't want to be right. 

I leave no genre unexplored, a good song is a good song.  I walk to work each day -- my office is about 5 songs away -- and I mostly look for something fast-paced so I can step to the beat. 

You might find me on 42nd Street rocking out to one of these beauties:

1. Love Shack - B-52s
2. Hazy Shade of Winter - The Bangles
3. Copacabana - Barry Manilow
4. Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
5. Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big & Rich
6. You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
7. More Than a Feeling - Boston
8. Motown Philly - Boyz II Men
9. Toxic - Britney Spears
10. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
11. The Devil Went Down to Georgia - The Charlie Daniels Band
12. Genie in a Bottle - Christina Aguilera
13. (I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew
14. Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode
15. Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
16. Last Dance - Donna Summer
17. Rio - Duran Duran
18. Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry
19. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
20. Jenny From the Block - Jennifer Lopez
21. S.O.S. - Jonas Brothers
22. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
23. See You Again - Miley Cyrus
24. Bye Bye Bye - *NSYNC
25. Xanadu - Olivia Newton John
26. Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
27. Rock You Like a Hurricane - Scorpions
28. Youth Gone Wild - Skid Row
29. I Knew You Were Trouble - Taylor Swift
30. 867-5309 (Jenny) - Tommy Tutone
31. It's Raining Men - The Weather Girls
32. Careless Whisper - Wham
33. Bust a Move - Young MC

Ok, so it might be a shorter list if I named all the songs I like that AREN'T embarrassing.  Still, should I be ashamed to love these tunes? 

Nope.  That's why Bose invented headphones.

I can't be the only one!  Share YOUR questionable musical tastes below...


tags: music

The Twelve Bad Dates of Christmas

On the first bad date of Christmas,
eHarmony gave to me:
A Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the second bad date of Christmas,
eHarmony gave to me:
Two Tiny Men
and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the third bad date of Christmas,
eHarmony gave to me:
Three Gym Rats
Two Tiny Men
and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the fourth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the fifth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the sixth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the seventh bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the eighth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the ninth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the tenth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Ten Drunken Lawyers

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the eleventh bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Eleven Backwashed Olives

Ten Drunken Lawyers

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the twelfth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Twelve Stamp Collectors

Eleven Backwashed Olives

Ten Drunken Lawyers

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

Merry Christmas!!


tags: dating, holidays, music

12

Sure, the apocalypse (as evidenced NOT by the Mayan calendar, but by the lack of Twinkies on my grocery store shelf), Christmas, and the dreaded fiscal cliff are all right around the corner, but I only have my eyes on one date.

12.12.12

A repetitive date like this won't happen again until January 1, 3001 and [um... SPOILER ALERT] none of us will be around to see that. 

So, it's a special day!  And 12 is a special number.  It's everywhere. 

12 months in a year.  12 hours of the day and night.  12 inches in a foot.  12 astrological signs (or is it 13?).  12 days of Christmas.  12 apostles.  12 angry men. 

But more than anything, when I think of the number 12, a funkadelic little ditty from childhood pops to mind. 

Listening to this, I can remember being home from nursery school, in pigtails and Garanimals, sitting in my Jenny chair at my little blue table while munching on a delicious (really?!) cream cheese and grape jelly sandwich. 

And grooving to the sweet, sweet sounds of Sesame Street.  Ah, the 70's.  Enjoy...





What's YOUR favorite 12?  And was today once in a lifetime or just another Wednesday?

Count the ways below...


tags: holidays, music, pop culture

Stupid Cupid

So Valentine’s Day was yesterday. My Valentine is like Feb 30th.

Doesn’t exist.

But I’m not bitter. Ok, maybe I’m a little bitter. But mostly I’m relieved to avoid obligatory participation in this day of impossible expectations.

You might be saying, that's because I date all the wrong guys.  You won't get any argument from me!  The best gift V-Day I ever got was a Whatchamacallit from my boyfriend Sophmore year.  In college.  I'm not even sure we were officially dating at the time.

Sigh.

Anyway more often than not, it's a letdown. Maybe your roses came from a deli. Or maybe your husband had all the subtlety of a baboon when he gave you a hot pink bag containing Victoria’s skimpiest secret. Or just maybe, your idea of true romance is a night spent alone huffing glue in a black rubber suit.

No matter.

All any of us needs to feel better about ourselves is to look at country music. Regardless of what went south with your Tuesday night, these sad saps ALWAYS have it worse.

Don't believe me?  Saddle up and check out these real song titles:

I’ve Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart
by Johnny Cash

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
by John Denver

You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty

I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuuk
by the Geezinslaw Bros.

Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
by Roy Clark

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
by Ruby Wright

I’m Gonna Hire a Wino (To Decorate Our Home)
by David Frizzell




Oh, and here's my favorite. I couldn’t track down the singer, probably because it’s FAR too awesome to be real:

I’m Sorry I Made You Cry, But at Least Your Face Is Clean
by ???




Well, I guess Cupid got it wrong. Again. Nice shot, you big fat baby!

I'm also fairly certain I have some bad Cupid karma floating out there from a recent first (and last) date.  Remind me to tell you about it sometime. 

So has my all-but-certain future of moth balls, couch doilies and 14 cats made me cynical?  Or do you agree that V-Day is more fizzle than sizzle? 

Pour YOUR heart out below...


tags: dating, holidays, music

Primus

Roseland Ballroom. Primus. Floor Seats. Mosh Pit. Me.

Which one of these things doesn’t belong?  If you said, ME, you really couldn’t be more wrong.

Don't believe me?  Have we met?  I'm not all pearls and sensible shoes, you know (yes I am).  My concert history isn't ALL Bon Jovi and Dave Matthews and Hootie & the Blowfish and Celine Dion (she really does put on a helluva show). 

No! 

I almost saw Radiohead and the White Stripes once.  I HAVE seen Tool and Nine Inch Nails.  On purpose, even! 

So when my brother invited me to see Primus with him on Friday night because his buddy bailed out, I was, of course, down for an adventure.  How could I resist? Me and Primus are like peanut butter & jelly.

Ok, okaaaay, more like peanut butter and onions. But whatevs.  I'll always jump at the chance to hang out with my (not so little) brother, and we had a total blast. 

It was an illuminating evening in Primusville... here's 5 life lessons I learned at the show:

1. The band I thought was Primus… wasn’t.
All day long, I had an angry metal song stuck in my head, I'm doing the best I ever did.  I'm doing the best that I can.  When I told my brother that Whatever was the only Primus song I knew, his eyes just about popped out of his head.  Turns out, that's Godsmack.  Huh.  Oops?  Then he played, Jerry Was a Racecar Driver, and I realized THAT was the only Primus song I knew.

2. My idea of edgy… isn’t.
See that shiny silver-ish foot sticking out from a very wide pant leg?  That's me.  I thought this getup would help me blend in with the natives.  Unfortunately, my fashion sense is a step past Amish and I don’t own the appropriate clothes/footwear to swim in this pool.

3. My thought that I can go beer for beer with a guy… can’t.
First, there was the 6-pack we split at my apt.  Nothing but the finest (Bud Light).  Then, there were the beers at dinner.  Next, came the giant bar at Roseland.  By the time I nearly cut my thumb off while whipping up late-nite snacks for us back at my apt, I remembered a lesson hard-learned in college: I do NOT have a hollow leg.  Luckily, homemade BBQ chicken quesadillas eaten at 1am soak up quite a lot of alcohol.

4. My worry that I’m too old and no longer cute… shouldn’t.
It's amazing what hanging out in a room loaded with stinky, hairy dudes does for your self-esteem.  Suddenly, you're a supermodel!  It was literally 200 to 1 in there, so flashing my pearly whites just after the intermission equaled a 1-way-ticket to the VIP balcony.  Always a quick thinker, my first question (to the bouncer) was, can my brother come?  My second question (to my brother) was, do you have a $20?  Ahhh.  Worth every penny.

5. The concert I was afraid might suck… didn’t.
See that big red thing behind us?  That's the bar.  That helped.  And sure, I didn't REALLY understand the giant inflatable astronauts that flanked the stage.  Or the screen behind the stage that showed film of car crashes and albino flying squirrels and kids playing Ring Around the Rosie.  Or the fact that the fans chant, "Primus Sucks," and that's a good thing.  Or the exceptionally long Popeye cartoon that ran during intermission.  OR the Willy Wonka theme song that played while we exited the ballroom.  But the concert was awesome, nevertheless. 



I'm pretty sure that had more to do with the company I was with than anything else.  Plus the beer.  But mostly... the company.  Good times!


So, what's the strangest concert YOU've ever been to?  (Bonus points if you could actually identify their hit songs.)


tags: city life, music