The Twelve Bad Dates of Christmas

On the first bad date of Christmas,
eHarmony gave to me:
A Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the second bad date of Christmas,
eHarmony gave to me:
Two Tiny Men
and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the third bad date of Christmas,
eHarmony gave to me:
Three Gym Rats
Two Tiny Men
and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the fourth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the fifth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the sixth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the seventh bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the eighth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the ninth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the tenth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Ten Drunken Lawyers

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the eleventh bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Eleven Backwashed Olives

Ten Drunken Lawyers

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

On the twelfth bad date of Christmas,

eHarmony gave to me:

Twelve Stamp Collectors

Eleven Backwashed Olives

Ten Drunken Lawyers

Nine Compost Buckets

Eight Guys a-Flossing

Seven Ramen Noodles

Six Creepy Perverts

Five Greasy Riiibs

Four Wrinkled Suits

Three Gym Rats

Two Tiny Men

and a Hockey Fan from New Jersey.

Merry Christmas!!


tags: dating, holidays, music

Enough Is Enough

When a person runs someone over with a car, you don't blame the car, you blame the driver, right?  They were drunk/distracted/texting.  That's because a car isn't intended to be a weapon.  It gets you from Point A to Point B.  It has been misused if it kills someone.

A gun, though?  Yeah, that IS intended to be a weapon. 

Sure, it's used for target practice and skeet shooting.  But ultimately, it's meant to kill an animal/intruder/enemy/attacker.  Oh, and you can pick one up at Walmart or Kmart or any other Mart for as little as a 100 bucks -- along with pork chops and underpants.  Convenient. 

And insane!

You know what's hard to get?  Mental health counseling.  Restraining orders.  Help.

They also say now isn't the time to talk politics. Now is the time to grieve.

I beg to differ.

Of course all our hearts break over the senseless loss of ANY life, but now is EXACTLY the time to talk politics -- before this happens again.  I'm not naïve enough to think that repealing the 2nd Amendment will stop all gun violence.  It will stop law-abiding gun users, criminals will still do whatever they want because guess what?  They're criminals!  

But I do think the 2nd Amendment was written at a time when the "right to bear arms" meant defending yourself with a double-barrel shotgun from poachers stealing your land or grizzlies eating your kids and the nearest sheriff was hours away. 

This is not that time. 

Random gun violence is out of control, and our leaders have done nothing but wring their hands and stick their heads in the sand.  Think about it:  Colombine -- where 21 were wounded and 12 killed -- happened over 13 YEARS ago. What have we learned?  What have we fixed?

Nothing.

• 5 months ago, a man opened fire in a Colorado movie theater showing The Dark Knight -- 58 wounded, 12 killed
• 4 months ago, a man opened fire in a Wisconsin Sikh temple -- 4 wounded, 6 killed
• 3 DAYS AGO, a man opened fire in a crowded Oregon shopping mall -- 1 critically wounded, 2 killed
• And today, a man opened fire in a Connecticut elementary school -- 26 killed, 20 of them kids under the age of 10

Movie theaters?  Temples?  Malls?  Elementary schools?  The world's gone mad.

Massacres have become commonplace.  Enough is enough.

I honestly don't know how to solve this, but something has got to be done.  Quickly.  In 39 years, I have never signed a petition. 

I signed this one today.  Join me?

tags: politics

12

Sure, the apocalypse (as evidenced NOT by the Mayan calendar, but by the lack of Twinkies on my grocery store shelf), Christmas, and the dreaded fiscal cliff are all right around the corner, but I only have my eyes on one date.

12.12.12

A repetitive date like this won't happen again until January 1, 3001 and [um... SPOILER ALERT] none of us will be around to see that. 

So, it's a special day!  And 12 is a special number.  It's everywhere. 

12 months in a year.  12 hours of the day and night.  12 inches in a foot.  12 astrological signs (or is it 13?).  12 days of Christmas.  12 apostles.  12 angry men. 

But more than anything, when I think of the number 12, a funkadelic little ditty from childhood pops to mind. 

Listening to this, I can remember being home from nursery school, in pigtails and Garanimals, sitting in my Jenny chair at my little blue table while munching on a delicious (really?!) cream cheese and grape jelly sandwich. 

And grooving to the sweet, sweet sounds of Sesame Street.  Ah, the 70's.  Enjoy...





What's YOUR favorite 12?  And was today once in a lifetime or just another Wednesday?

Count the ways below...


tags: holidays, music, pop culture

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Pinterest

I wish I'd invented Pinterest.

I've always considered myself a pretty creative person.  And for as long as I can remember, I've clipped craft ideas and recipes from magazines, which I dip into periodically for inspiration (or I flat-out copy).

Then, along came this amazing little social network.

I first learned of it about 2 years ago, shortly after it launched, when I worked at Brides -- it's perfect to gather wedding ideas.  But I really embraced it about a year ago as a place to keep favorite recipes.  Next thing I know, I have more than 1,500 saved.

No wonder I can't fit in my pants!

Pinterest's mission is simple: connect people with things they find interesting. 

You pin (or re-pin) photos to virtual bulletin boards that you create around any theme, with a link back to the source so when you want to cook that great recipe or make that cool craft, you know how it's done. 

So, pin + interest = Pinterest.  And with more than 10 million registered members, clearly, they're on to something.

In my mind, there are 3 things that distinguish this site from other social networks:

1. It's primarily female -- when you think of most networks, particularly in their early stages, they are typically dominated by men.
2. You often interact with people you don't know -- most social networks connect you with people you already know.  You can do that here too, but I'm always introduced to new ideas from people I've never met.
3. Your pins have longevity -- the shelf life of a single Facebook post is about a day.  Twitter?  Maybe an hour.  On Pinterest, people regularly re-pin photos that are a month or even a year old.  A good idea is a good idea.

Speaking of ideas, here are a few I've tried -- the image on the left is the original pinspiration, the one on the right is what I actually made.

There were some hits and some misses...

#1 RECYCLED CRYSTAL LIGHT CONTAINERS 

Why this pin?: 

I had a ton of leftover containers from our Crystal Light taste test, and it's that time of year again when I get a card slipped under my door with the names of 18 guys who work in my apt building.  I wish I could give them all cash, but kisses (of the chocolate variety) will have to do.

Materials needed:

Crystal Light containers (I used the large ones here), bags of wrapped candy (I used a Hershey's Kiss medley -- milk chocolate, milk chocolate with almonds, and the festive white chocolate candy cane), small bows, ribbon, and gift tags.  Note: 1 large container holds 57 kisses.

Cost:

If you don't count the containers, it's about $4 each.

Verdict:

A hit.  Unless you are one of the guys who work in my building.  They prob would have preferred cash.

#2: GLITTER ORNAMENT


 

Why this pin?:

It's Christmas!  I've made ornaments before and knew this one would be easy.  The key here is to apply the glitter inside the ornament rather than on the outside.  Much neater that way.

Materials needed:

Clear ornaments (easy to find at Michael's), spray adhesive, and glitter (I used Martha Stewart in turquoise).

Cost:

About $1 per ornament.

Verdict:

A hit.  I love sparkly things. 

#3 S'MORES COOKIE BARS

  

Why this pin?:
My sister-in-law made these for a Superbowl party last year and it took all my energy not to eat the whole tray.  I HAD to try to make them myself (so I could eat the whole tray).  Then I remembered, I'm a horrible baker.

Materials needed:
Pyrex dish, butter, brown sugar, regular sugar, egg, vanilla extract, flour, graham cracker crumbs (you can buy them already crumbly from Honey Maid, you don't have to smash your own), baking powder, salt, large chocolate bars (Hershey's) and marshmallow cream (Fluff).

Cost:
I think the ingredients for this cost me about $25 but that's here in NYC grocery stores with their minibar prices.  Don't let that scare you.

Verdict:
Mixed.  True to s'mores form, they look messy, but they tasted pretty good.  Not as good as when my sister-in-law made them, because she actually can bake!



#4: OMBRE NAILS

Why this pin?:

It looks like such fun to paint all your nails a different shade!  Then you do it.  And you quickly realize you have giant clown hands that you probably can't wear to work.  So you paint all your nails the same color as your pinkie and forget it ever happened.  Or maybe that's just me.

Materials needed:

5 nail polishes ranging from light to dark in the same shade (from thumb to pinkie, I used Essie in Baby's Breath, Essie in Charmeuse, Essie in Splash of Grenadine, Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Back to the Fuchsia, and Essie in Bermuda Shorts).

Cost:
$0.  I have a bazillion nail polishes, so I didn't have to buy these.  If you did, the cost for 5 could range between $10 - $50 depending on what kind of polish you like.  Or you could probably just get a manicure and ask for this to get it out of your system.  Just make sure you don't have any big meetings that week.  (Seriously, clown hands.)

Verdict:
A miss.  This seemed like a better idea than it actually was.  And I just about passed out from the fumes of 5 bottles of polish open simultaneously.
 

#5 MAGNETIC MAKEUP BOARD

Why this pin?:

I have very little counter space in my teeny weeny bathroom.  So I have tons of makeup that I never use. The bag I keep in my purse only holds a couple things -- a blush, mascara, and a bunch of lip glosses.  That's it.  I thought this would get me to use all the other stuff I've bought thanks to my Sephora addiction, because I could actually SEE what I've got.

Materials needed:

A metal board and containers (I got mine at the aptly titled Container Store -- this is a desk set that I converted into a makeup board), and adhesive magnet strips (also from the Container Store) to stick to the back of all your makeup.

Cost:
This was about $45 (not including the cost of all the makeup -- I don't even want to think about how much I've spent on THAT!).  But since it doubles as art for my bathroom wall, I'm ok with it.

Verdict:
A hit.  People who see it think I'm clever.  And, really, isn't that the point of Pinterest in the first place?

While we're on this topic, here's a collection of my most popular pins -- I think I haven't really inspired people so much as I have reminded them how great the 80s were.  

I'm ok with that.

My 5 Most Popular Pins:

Wonder Woman Underoos

Re-pins: 897
Likes: 175
Comments: 32

Why this pin?:
I loved her so much I wore my WW bathing suit as a Halloween costume one year.  My mom even made me tin foil cuffs.  I would have worn these outside too, but... they're underwear and people generally frown on that.

Fraggle Rock

Re-pins: 713

Likes: 111

Comments: 1

Why this pin?:
Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, and Red.  Simple as that.

Dynamite Magazine & Rick Springfield

Re-pins: 284
Likes: 42
Comments: 12

Why this pin?:

I totally had this issue!  I loved this magazine and Rick was my first concert.  Dr. Noah Drake may be showing his age now, but back in the day, he was dreamy.  And destined to marry me.  That worked out well.

Hand Painted Yankees Toy Chest

Re-pins: 215

Likes: 52

Comments: 7

Why this pin?:

I painted this for my nephew when he was born because I wanted to make him something special.  Babe Ruth's number is on one side and Donnie Baseball is on the other, to represent his grandfather's and father's favorite players.  After all, he is a 5th generation Yankee fan (until he becomes a Cubs fan). 

Cabbage Patch Kids

Re-pins: 169

Likes: 18

Comments: 0

Why this pin?:

This chubby gal looks just like my own doll, Gabrielle.  Also someone (who is not my brother) had one (who was definitely NOT named Fletcher). I may have been a touch old for dolls -- I was 9 when I "adopted" her.  Today, I think kids that age are busy stealing their parent's car and driving to keggers and tattoo parlors, but 1982 was a simpler time.






So, are YOU into Pinterest too?  Do you love it?  Think it's a passing fad?  A colossal waste of time?

Inspire me below!


tags: beauty, crafts, pop culture, technology

Leftovers

This is a Thanksgiving Special -- my homemade homage to The Firehouse Deli in Fairfield, CT. 

Have you had your fill of leftovers yet? 

Perhaps after all the turkey, taters, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and pumpkin pie, you might still have a little room for a hearty helping of bad dates. 

Is there any other kind?


Allow me to introduce Gretzky, Baryshnikov, and The Skipper -- a bunch of eHarmony guys I met over the summer... 

The first guy, Gretzky, was a 47 year old divorced father of 3.  He was 6'2" and appeared to have most of his hair.  He had something odd going on with his teeth.  Veneers maybe?  He had a questionable goatee. 

He was an architect who built his dream home in north Jersey.  The ex-wife got that.  So he bought another place for himself.  In the same town.  And he was really, really, really, REALLY into hockey.  Like, ice rink in his backyard, into hockey.

It was clear to me he hadn't dated in a while.  Or he could have been shy.  Or maybe he was just bad with the computer.  It's hard to type with gloves on.

With every short response he sent, he also sent a pre-written icebreaker.  "I like your smile."  "Your profile made me laugh."  Nice, I guess?  But those typically only come once -- before you start communicating. 

Once the ice is broken, please don't keep hacking away at it unless you're making me a swan.

I don't think we had much in common.  We emailed about nothing.  Weather, mainly.  I think we exchanged about 10 before he gathered up the courage to ask me out. 

The Great One sure was taking his time.

He wrote, "Do you think maybe you'd like to speak or eat with me sometime? :)"  Tempting, right? 

We never did talk.  Or eat.  This is primarily my fault.  Captain Slowpoke didn't really help matters -- I don't have the energy to teach a 47 year old man how to properly ask for a date.  But beyond that, I couldn't picture myself as the girlfriend of a guy with 3 kids and an ice rink.  So I disappeared.

He slid a few more icebreakers my way.  I didn't reply.  Bad Jenny!  To the penalty box I go. 

Puck.

The next guy was into the arts.  Let's call him Baryshnikov. 

He had just turned 40, said he was 6'.  Never married, no kids, no pets.  He was Russian, his family moved to Sarasota, FL when he was a boy.  He went to NYU for his MBA and was an investment banker.  Lived on the UES.  Only child.  Had a full head of hair.  He loved the ballet and played guitar.

We went through the normal communication steps, and after the 2nd or 3rd email, he asked me out for a drink.  Said he'd be in my neighborhood picking up some guitar strings.

Okaaay.

I met him at a pub he picked, called The Ginger Man.  When I arrived, he was already at a table, sitting on a barstool like he was on the toilet.  He didn't get up to say hello. 

He was drinking something dark, and offered to order one for me.  I asked to see the menu instead, which came with his oral history of lagers and pale ales.  I got an Amstel.  He was not impressed.

The beer came quickly and I started to size him up.  He was serious.  He had no accent.  He wore a blazer, which was a bit dressy for a Saturday afternoon, but that was alright.  He had major bags under his eyes.  He sneezed a lot, which was kind of like being on a date with the Nasonex bee.  And he was wearing a pinkie ring.

Yeah.

Misha talked about himself.  Occasionally in the 3rd person.  Much of the conversation surrounded how much he knew about music.  Was this a date or an interview at Guitar Center?

Somewhere along the line, another round of brews and a charcuterie platter appeared on the table.  I started eating in the hopes that my chewing sounds would drown out why Jimmy Page was the greatest guitarist of all time (everybody knows that was Hendrix).

I'm sure he could have jammed forever, but 2 hours was my limit.  So I said something about needing to head out, and I stood up.  So did he.

That's when I realized he wasn't 6'. 

He was MAYBE 5'8".  I think he saw the realization in my eyes because I saw a flicker of horror in his.  Short Stuff and I walked out in silence.  I thanked him for the drinks and the sausage.  He mumbled something I didn't quite hear.

I imagine it was along the lines of, "You're a Sasquatch, I'm a Pygmy.  It won't work.  Have a nice life."

They say third time's the charm, right?  Obviously, they never met The Skipper. 

He was 36.  A younger man!  Said he was 5'11" and a half.  Lived in Jersey, down the shore.  Never married, no kids, no pets.  Glasses.  Hair.  Was a real estate attorney, and also oversaw his parents' charity.  It was clear he never met a meatball sandwich he didn't like. 

And this boy loved his boat.

It was in every photo.  It was part of every conversation.  In fact, he wanted our 1st date to BE on the boat.

Hmmm.  Setting sail with a stranger on a "three hour tour."  Shall I tie the cement block to my OWN ankle and throw myself overboard, or think he'd save me the trouble? 

No thanks.

Cappy said he liked BBQ, so I picked Blue Smoke over a harbor cruise.  I met him outside the restaurant on a sunny Sunday afternoon. 

Now, I'm no Slim Jim -- I know -- but this guy was 300lbs if he was 3.  And he was the sweatiest man alive.  I went to give him a hug hello, but he was like a human Slip 'n Slide, so I skidded off him and shot through the front door instead.

We sat down, and I immediately noticed his booming voice.  Every laugh echoed throughout the dining room.  He also had a pretty foul mouth.  Again, I've been known to let the f-bombs fly, but never on a 1st date.  Needless to say, I wasn't feeling it.

It came time to order.  I got a brisket sandwich, which I ate with a fork.  He got a bucket of ribs, which he ate with his hands. 

For the love of Gilligan, never, ever, EVER order ribs on a date!  It's disgusting to watch somebody you don't know gnaw on a bone and it's awkward to tell them they have sauce on their nose.

Just don't do it.

So, we talked and I avoided looking at his face.  As we were wrapping up, our waiter said they had the world's best chocolate cake.  Thanks, jerk!  Skipper took that as a challenge and ordered it.  It came with a shot of milk and 2 forks.  I picked at the plate, leaving a cakey barrier between my side and his.  Then the check came. 

I offered to pay, but he said, "Babe, I've got it." 

Babe?!  Unless a cute talking pig was sitting over my shoulder with his wallet out too, I'd say it's too soon for that.

We left and walked east together.  I was headed home, and he was headed to the docks in search of the Professor.  At 2nd Ave, we parted ways.  I turned to thank him for lunch, and his arms were open.  So I went to hug him goodbye (forever). 

That's not what he had in mind.

When I saw he was coming at me, greasy lips first, I cut right (starboard?) off his sweaty cheek and he got the hair.  I'm sure there's a joke here about a "little buddy" -- let's pretend I made one.


So, there you have it.  A heaping plate of dating leftovers.  Ignore that fluttering in your chest -- it's heartburn.

What foods would YOU avoid on a first date?  There's plenty more where the ribs came from...


tags: dating

Please Fix Voting (It Is Broken)

See the girl in the middle of this photo? 

That's me, at age 17, in the lobby of Montville Township High School. (Go Mustangs!)

I'm all hopeful and smiley, sitting next to my BFF. Look at my hair! Total Jersey.

Now, look at the signs behind me.

Vote!

That was 1991. And I’ve voted in every presidential, senatorial, gubernatorial, and mayoral race since 1992.

Fast forward to today – Election Day 2012. My hair is flatter and my hope has been replaced by frustration.

But this post isn’t about WHO should be president for the next 4 years. It’s not even about urging citizens to exercise their right to vote (which they totally should). It’s about something bigger than electing the leader of the free world.

It’s about the process itself.

Our voting system is beyond broken. Somebody, please fix it.

This morning, I arrived at PS166 in midtown Manhattan at 8:45, and FINALLY cast my vote sometime around 11:15. For anybody who likes to count, that's two and a half hours later...

I know this year's election had extenuating circumstances from the hurricane.  But the length of time I waited didn't have to do with voter turnout.  It had inefficiency (and chaos) written all over it.  During this time I spent on disorganized lines, which snaked around city blocks, stairways, lunch tables, and a gymnasium, I saw the following:

• A guy that lives in my building who got tired of waiting on line was given a ballot in the middle of the gym. No ID check, no signing the book.  So much for registered voters.
• A guy was confused on how to fill the ballot out. He leaned over to the stranger next to him, who told him just to fill in the circle for Obama. He said ok. So much for no campaigning within 200ft of a polling place.
• A man and a woman sat together on a bench next to the check-in table for my district (#11). While I was showing my ID, he filled out his ballot. Then he filled HERS out while she stared off into space. When I told the volunteer (who sat 3ft from the couple) what I was witnessing, she shrugged. "Nothing I can do," she said. So much for election inspectors keeping things on the up-and-up.
• A volunteer who took my completed ballot reviewed all my choices, before the machine accepted my vote.  So much for privacy.

It should be easier to vote now than at any other time in history, but it’s not. We can do better than this!

Here's my 3-step fix:

1. Privatize:
It needs to be said.  Elections should be run by impartial voting agencies (preferably from the private sector), NOT elected officials. If the majority of the world runs this way, why can’t the USA?

2. Modernize:
I vote in NY, which recently upgraded from giant metal-lever voting machines circa 1950 to Scantron machines circa 1980. I took my SAT with those things! This is 2012, right? Why are we waiting on interminable lines? Why did someone steal the tethered pen in my voting “booth,” leaving me to root around in my purse to find nothing to write with but a tin of Altoids and a tampon? If I can deposit a check into my bank account using my cell phone, why can’t I vote online?  Get with the times!

3. Standardize:
Let's get the whole country on the same page. Primary elections? They should be held twice – once with all candidates, and once with the top 2 – simultaneously across the country, not winding down over months and months like a political game of chicken. Early voting? Every state should have it – or not – and for the same set amount of time. Machines? Everyone should use the same kind. Election Day? Should be a holiday so everyone can get there. And identification? Require it. You can’t get a beer without an ID!

Bonus: While I'm fixing stuff, let's get rid of the Electoral College and go to a popular vote so a handful of swing states aren't given the power to decide the fate of an election for the entire country. And every vote actually counts.

So, what do YOU think?  In pure democratic fashion, here's a poll.  On the internet.  What a concept...

poll by twiigs.com

tags: holidays, politics, polls

The Sandy Six

I just spent 110 hours in my apartment. Alone. From 7pm on Friday to 9am today (Wednesday).

I'm on the 28th floor. During the worst of hurricane Sandy, my walls creaked, the building swayed, and my windows bent. I was glued to Channel 11, WPIX, the entire time.

I stress-ate my weight in mac & cheese.

And I inhaled a whole bag of marshmallows.

I took this pic on my way home from work tonight. It’s 2nd Ave, looking south, from outside my building.


You’ll notice it’s dark in the distance, where 40-story apartment buildings should be. I missed the blackout by a block. The East River also rose over its banks and flowed past 1st Ave. That means I missed the flood by a block too.

I got pretty lucky.

That doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared.

It’s chaos out there. Taxicabs under water. Army trucks in the streets. Flooded subway tunnels. Failed hospital generators. Dangling 7-ton cranes. Boats in living rooms. Houses on fire. Rollercoasters in the Atlantic Ocean.

So many people that we know, that we’ve read about – and that we’ve yet to discover – are struggling. Maybe even you.  My heart and prayers go out to anyone suffering as a result of this storm.

I know I couldn’t have stayed sane the last few days without what I’m calling The Sandy Six (and no, I’m not referring to the weight I gained from eating all that pasta – that’s more like nine).  A big thanks goes out to...

1. Local News Anchors:
I love WPIX. Always have. Every night I go to sleep to Friends and I wake up to their morning "news." It’s the only news I ever watch, mainly because it contains a healthy dose of fluff. And since they’re located just a block away, when they show PIX Plaza, that’s my neighborhood. This week, their tireless anchors worked 8-12 hour shifts, around the clock, to keep us all informed. I felt like we were all in it together with familiar faces like Suki, Tamsen Fadal, Kaity Tong, Howard Thompson, and Larry Mendte. That was immensely comforting.

2. Weather People:
I typically feel like it’s ridiculous to try and predict the weather. Stick your head out a window – that’s the weather. But there was a science to this storm, and the minute-by-minute updates from Linda Church and Mr. G helped curb my anxiety. Bonus: they were right-on.

3. Field Reporters:
Everybody from the President to the Mayor urged people to stay indoors, so I’m sure it was hard for reporters and crew to be tossed about, all wet and cold and hungry, for hours on end. Monica Morales and Dan Mannarino in lower Manhattan, Mary Murphy on Long Island, James Ford and Mario Diaz in Jersey, and so many others did an amazing job. My imagination is always my worst enemy, so I was thankful to have their eyes and ears on the streets.

4. Phone:
Calls, emails, and texts with family and friends were the next best thing to having them with me.  That Alexander Graham Bell was really onto something!

5. Facebook:
I may have complained about a few “friends” last week, but I took your advice and hid them from my newsfeed. This left me with nothing but updates from people whose well-being I actually cared about.

6. Fridge:
Thank God for food. I must’ve eaten 10 times a day. I might not fit in my pants anymore, but it's a small price to pay.  A warm meal is a form of comfort too. Right? Anyone who needs one should come on over. I still have half a tray of homemade mac & cheese left.


I also enjoyed Mayor Bloomberg's Spanglish and the animated woman doing American Sign Language during all his press conferences.  Plus, I'd like to give Chris Christie a hug.

To everyone in NY, CT, and my beloved NJ -- here's hoping your blessings outweigh your losses and you too were able to find some comfort in this storm. 

To donate $10 to relief efforts, text REDCROSS to 90999, or find other ways to help.


tags: city life, jersey

Comfort Food in a Storm

So I'm waiting for a wallop from Sandy, the Frankenstorm. 

Maybe you are too?

The city has pretty much shut down.  This was Second Ave at about 10:30 this morning.  A total ghost town.

But that's ok, I didn't really need to go out and stock up -- my pantry is perpetually prepared for a disaster. 

Now, the garbage is emptied.  The dishwasher's run. I made ice cubes. My cell is charged. I have plenty of water and a flashlight and candles. I took a shower.  I scrubbed the tub.

While I might be prepared, I don't exactly feel... comforted.  There's only one thing that will do.

Mac & cheese.

Ordinarily, I'm a HUGE fan of Kraft Deluxe -- it's quick and creamy and hits the spot.  But I've always wanted a homemade homerun -- a go-to recipe to add to my repertoire.

I found a pretty classic one, which I followed today.  It was just good -- not great.  Here's how I will make it better next time:

CREAMY HOMEMADE MAC & CHEESE

TIME: About 30 mins prep, 20 minutes on the cooktop, less than 5 mins in the oven

SERVES: 8-12 people (or 1 very hungry hurricane homebody)

INGREDIENTS:
For the bechamel:

• 1 quart container of whole milk (don't skimp on the fat here -- you need it)
• 1 whole stick of salted butter 
• Half a cup of all-purpose flour

For the pasta:

• Kosher salt
• 1 box of elbow macaroni (about 1 lb)
• An 8 or 10oz brick of sharp cheddar, freshly shredded (about 3 cups)
• 1 cup of a grated hard Italian cheese, like Parmesan, Asiago or Pecorino Romano
• Dijon mustard to taste (I added this because the original recipe needed a little zing)
• French's French Fried Onions (optional topping, also added by me)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Boil a pot of salted water, then add the macaroni.  If you don't like elbow, use another kind.  I am not the boss of you!  Al dente or mushy -- your choice. Drain the pasta, then set it aside.
2. Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees if you plan to bake this in a casserole dish at the end.  (If not, find the biggest spoon you have and get it ready to scoop straight from the pot to your pie-hole.  No shame in that game.)
3. Grab a saucepan and heat your milk over medium heat until it simmers.  Warm milk gets that gross skin on top, so don't let it sit.
4. If you don't have a dishwasher, buy one now.  I'll wait... 
5. You need a THIRD pot -- preferably large and cast-iron.  In this, melt the stick of butter over medium heat, then add the flour.  Swish that around with a whisk for a few minutes until it turns a light brown and seems cooked, or until your arm gets tired.
6. Slowly add the warm milk to the flour and butter and whisk that around until the lumps dissolve into a creamy white sauce that coats the back of a spoon (or use your whisk if you don't want another thing to wash).  This is your bechamel.
7. Mix in the grated cheese, then add the cheddar cheese a handful/cup at a time.  It should melt nicely because it's freshly grated.  Don't cheat here and buy pre-shredded!  Your sauce will slowly start to turn a pretty yellow.
8. Now's the time to taste this bad boy.  Add salt, pepper, mustard, or whatever you like until its well-seasoned.
9. Dump the drained pasta into the sauce and stir it all around until every piece is coated in cheesy goodness.  Taste it again but this time use a different spoon.  Nobody wants your mouth all over their macaroni.
10. You could just eat it at this point and it would be great.  But don't.
11. The recipe I read called for putting it in a casserole, topping with panko breadcrumbs and baking it for 25 minutes.  The problem?  It made it dry.  Instead, put it in a casserole, and top it with French's French Fried Onions, and pop it in the oven for just a few minutes to crisp.  Keep an eye out because they can burn quickly, but this will keep it creamy inside with a crunchy top.
12. Now... eat it!

It is possible that your macaroni could get lonely.  If that happens, I highly suggest you make this other dish, which I made a few weeks ago.  Just invite some people over -- it is impossible to eat 2 pork loins by yourself.  Trust me.

DR. PEPPER BBQ PULLED PORK

TIME: 6 hours to cook, 30 minutes to shred

SERVES: 8-12 people

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 pork loins (or a big pork shoulder)
• 1 yellow onion
• 3 cans of Dr. Pepper (not diet)
• 1 bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce

 DIRECTIONS:

1. Grab a crockpot or slow cooker and set it for 6 hours/high if you're making the loin.  Set it for 8 hours/low if you're making the shoulder because that meat is tougher.  If you don't have a crockpot, I guess try a cast iron pot.  But really, get a crockpot -- they are cheap and easy to use.
2. Line the bottom of the pot with chunks of the onion.  Keep them big so you can fish them out at the end.
3. Place the pork on top of the onions, then fill with Dr. Pepper until it covers the meat.
4. Put the lid on, and fire it up.  Resist the temptation to open the lid during the first 2 hours of cooking.  Apparently that's when all the heat gets trapped inside, which I learned the hard way...
5. Do stuff.  Live your life.  The meat will be fine. 
6. At the 6 or 8 hour mark, stick a fork in the meat and try to pull it out.  If it comes out whole, stick it back in.  It's not ready. 
7. Once the meat is falling apart, scoop it all out onto a cutting board and use 2 forks to pull/shred the meat.  It will be hot so try not to touch it with your hands.  Discard any fat or anything that looks yucky.  The plain meat should be slightly sweet, if you taste it.  Which you should.
8. Dump the soda and onions, they were just for flavor.  Or dare somebody to drink it. 
9. Put the shredded pork back in the crockpot and add your favorite BBQ sauce.  I used Corky's, a famous spot in Memphis, and a tasty gift that the Tennessee Kids' State Dinner winner gave me. 
10. Let everything heat back up. Taste it to make sure it's saucy, salty, sweet, or spicy enough.  If not, add whatever it's missing.
11. Stick it in a bun, a bowl, or a burrito, and eat!

So, there you have it.  Comfort food in a storm.  Hurry, while your oven still works!

Are YOU cooking today?  Does anyone have any Halloween candy left?  And who thinks Sandy is a silly name for a storm? 

Discuss... and stay safe out there!


tags: food, recipes

The Loveseat Potato

You know this is my favorite time of year.  New TV shows!!

It was slim pickins over the summer when the biggest hit was Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  I'd never watch that.

(Except for all the times that I did -- who can resist Mama June and her "tractor foot"?  Good lord, I'm only human.)

I was SO excited for new TV, that I whipped up a spuddy buddy.  Allow me to introduce, The Loveseat Potato.  She's kept me company through countless hours on the couch. 

Is that sad and creepy?  Nah!

Right?

Anyway, grab a snack -- but skip the chips unless you want The Loveseat Potato to munch on your toes -- then set your DVRs for these smash spuds (and avoid the rotten duds): 


BEST NEW COMEDY

SPUD: The New Normal (NBC, Tuesdays at 9:30pm)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: It makes me laugh!  Good thing, since it's a comedy.  The writing is smart in this story of a gay couple, their surrogate baby mama, her scene-stealing daughter, and her toxic grandma.  Plus, it's from Ryan Murphy, creator of Glee and American Horror Story (more on that later...), with a dash of NeNe Leakes mixed in.  What's not to like?

Honorable mention goes to The Mindy Project (FOX, Tuesdays at 9:30pm).  I heart her.

DUDS: Partners (CBS), Go On (NBC), Guys with Kids (NBC), The Neighbors (ABC), Animal Practice (cancelled), and Ben & Kate (FOX)

BEST NEW TALK SHOW

SPUD: Live with Kelly & Michael (syndicated)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: Michael Strahan!  I didn't pay much attention when he was a Giant, though I do remember his Chunky Soup commercials.  He's charming and funny.  He can sing and dance.  And that gap between his front teeth is downright adorable.  I was 10 when this show started in 1983, and even with spunky Kelly Ripa, it had become cranky, old, and tired (much like Regis).  This reboot is exactly what the show needed.

Honorable mention goes to The Jeff Probst Show (synd). Guys on the couch = enlightening.

DUDS: Ricki Lake (synd), Katie Couric (synd), and Bethenny Frankel (FOX)



BEST NEW REALITY

SPUD: Life After Top Chef (Bravo, Wednesdays at 10pm)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: Fabio Viviani!  He can parla italiano to me anytime. Richard Blais is still neurotic.  Jen Carroll is still... edgy.  And Spike Mendelsohn is still an arrogant goofball.  This is a spicy nut mix of chef-testants from one of my fave shows, and I love this peek into their lives because I am a stalker fan.

Honorable mention goes to My Life Is a Lifetime Movie (Lifetime, Wednesdays at 10pm).  The name says it all.

DUDS: Breaking Amish (TLC), Gallery Girls (Bravo), Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition (TLC), and My Shopping Addiction (Oxygen)


BEST NEW DRAMA

SPUD: Elementary (CBS, Thursdays at 10pm)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: It's clever! Recovering addict Sherlock Holmes assists the NYPD in solving crimes alongside his "sober companion" Watson, who is a former surgeon and a girl.  You really have to pay attention to the fast-paced plot and to Sherlock's accent, but it works.  And that's coming from someone who typically likes her TV like she likes her mashed potatoes.  Fluffy.

Honorable mention goes to Last Resort (ABC, Thursdays at 8pm). Scott Speedman, you'll always be Ben Covington to me.

DUDS: Vegas (CBS), Chicago Fire (NBC), and The Mob Doctor (FOX)

BEST NEW SOAP

SPUD: Nashville (ABC, Wednesdays at 10pm)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: It's catchy!  The songs get your toes tapping.  The catty rivalry between fading and rising country stars is fun to watch.  I loved Connie Britton in Brothers McMullen, Friday Night Lights, and American Horror Story (again, more on that below...).  And the secret romances in Music City are steamy.  Let's just hope it ends better than Country Strong did.  That was depressing! 

Honorable mention goes to... nobody.  Go back and watch old reruns of Felicity to see Scott Speedman in his youthful glory.  I have the whole series on DVD, if you want to borrow.

DUD: Emily Owens, MD (CW) and Beauty and the Beast (CW)




Lastly, it's time to switch gears and roast a couple shows I wanted to love (really, I did!), but I didn't:


WORST NEW SUPERNATURAL

DUD: American Horror Story Asylum (FX)

WHY IT'S A ROTTEN POTATO: It's horrible!  And not in a good way.  I totally loved this show last season.  A gorgeous LA home, dubbed "Murder House," with dreamy Dylan McDermott as a cheating husband was a good time.  Then they killed everybody.  Guess I shoulda seen that coming.  This season, it came back as a totally different story.  Who does that?  I don't want to spend an hour a week in an insane asylum in 1964.  The inmates are ugly.  Did I mention it's horrible?

Dis-honorable mention goes to 666 Park Ave (ABC). How many times does something need to attack/trap/scare the bejeezus out of you in the basement before you stop going down there?  And would it kill you to turn a light on??

Disagree?  See anything I missed?  Put the DVR on pause and comment below...


tags: entertainment

Dislike

You know, I love my social media.  I have Facebook open all day long.  For work.

Mostly.

And I pop on from time to time at home during nights and weekends too.

My favorite thing is seeing all the pics of people's kids (except when they’re on the potty – my eyes!), and their pets (eh…), and the cinnamon bun somebody just ate that looked EXACTLY like Justin Bieber (it was like his twin!!).

But there are a few types of people on Facebook that I kind of loathe.


Maybe you know these people too?

THE POLITICO
I would really like to still be friends with all my friends on Nov 7th. So PLEASE pipe down with the amateur political analysis, lame photo captions, misquoted soundbites, and insulting running commentary. They like their guy. I like my guy. Or maybe we even like the same guy. Just zip it! Binders and Big Bird and the 47%. Birth certificates and liberal media and apology tours. It’s all baloney. Jobs. Debt. Healthcare. Defense. We have some serious issues to vote on, and the guy who gets elected will be everybody’s President, not just the folks who voted for him. So take the passion to the polls and keep it out of my newsfeed. (And get off my lawn!)

THE RELENTLESS PROMOTER
I know a few people who have started small businesses. One friend from an old job launched a t-shirt company in India. Another friend from high school started a cookie company in Jersey. An old boss/dear friend created a magnificent motel in the Catskills. That’s all cool. I like their updates. What isn’t cool is the acquaintance -- also from an old job -- who does nothing but post 200 times/day about her clients. “Princess Sassafrass* (*not a real name) just wrote this charming blog post, read it now and laugh your tutu off!” “Princess Sassafrass is appearing at a bus stop in Boston – all my Beantown peeps, ride the bus and show some luv.” “Princess Sassafrass is walking for a cure, donate today to rid the world of sadness and meanies!” You know what? This clueless bozo has now signed me up for Princess Sassafrass’s email newsletter! That’s where I draw the line. UNSUBSCRIBE!

THE HUMBLE BRAGGART
(This one might seem strange coming from me. After all, this is a personal blog.  I may as well be a 12-year-old with a diary, bacne, and a poster of Edward Cullen over my bed. But stick with me for a sec…)  “Ugh, I hate being inconvenienced by my brownstone reno #guessitstakeoutagain.” “Man, am I jetlagged from the trip to Tahiti #somebodygatorademe.” “Sucks when you don’t look as good as your bookcover #shouldawashedmyhair.” I’m sick to death of all this false modesty. No more: “Waaah, my diamond shoes are too tight.” Don’t be coy! I only want to see: “Eff-yeah! I’m so RICH I wear diamonds on my FEET. Boom.” Sure, I’ll still unfriend you, but I won’t want to give you a wedgie (though I *may* steal a shoe).


Maybe I’m cranky. Hey, did I mention, last week I had a meeting at Facebook’s Madison Ave offices? I was totally overdressed, sipping on free lemonade, contemplating the writing on the wall. It said, “Proceed and Be Bold.” So I stuck my resume in their binder.

Kidding... but annoying, right? Told ya!


Alright, rant over.  Tell me how YOU handle these folks...

poll by twiigs.com

tags: politics, polls, technology

I Am Not a Wen Girl

I hate being pampered.

There, I said it.

I know.  People looove that stuff.  Probably you do, too! 

YOU are normal.  But I just say no to manicures, pedicures, massages, facials, scrubs, mud baths, waxes, and spray tans.  Don't get me wrong -- I don't roam the Earth looking all raggedy.  I just handle this stuff on my own because being touched by strangers totally stresses me out. 

The ONLY salon treatment I love?  Getting my hair washed. 

Oh, I could sit in that awkward position, staring at the ceiling for hours!  I ignore the wet black towel draped around my neck.  I don't care if they get soap in my ears.  I laugh when they splash me in the eye.  I don't even flinch when the water is too cold or too hot. 

Just scrub-a-dub-dub.

Since I'm not in the salon very often, I try to recreate a hair washing oasis in my own shower.  To this end, I keep a variety of shampoos, conditioners, and 2-in-1s in stock. 

When I saw a late-nite infomercial for Wen, the revolutionary cleansing conditioner by celebrity stylist, Chaz Dean, I was immediately intrigued.  Do I know that dude?  No!  But I'm helpless to resist a good infomercial.  Seriously.  With each flip of Alyssa Milano's bouncy, shiny hair, mine felt more dry, frizzy, and dull.  This 80s teen queen/Wen Girl wouldn't steer me wrong.

They said it works on the first try!  Just one magical bottle was supposed to replace my shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner, detangler, and leave-in conditioner. 

I don't even use half that crap, but who cares?  Was Wen ("new" spelled backwards) the secret to great hair?

I had to find out.

I went directly to their website to order, but it was a recurring charge -- a bottle every 60 days -- like a DVD club for your head.  What if I didn't like it? I am lazy about managing my finances, no doubt I'd have spent $250 on a gallon of the stuff before I ever got around to stopping it.  I know my limits.  That was not for me. 

Then I saw Sephora sold individual kits.  Yet another reason I love that store... 

It arrived a few days later and I was super excited to unlock some gorgeous hair.  I waited for a weekend so I could spend more time than I do on a typical weekday (which is about 7 minutes, including the time I spend washing it). 

I wet my hair thoroughly.  I took 10 pumps of this cleansing conditioner in my hands and rubbed them together.  I worked it deep into my hair, from root to tip.  I left it in for at least 5 minutes to really soak it in there.  Then I rinsed.  I even patted my hair dry to keep it smooth.  Finally, I blow-dried it with a round brush just like they do in the salon.

Now, I know you know what's coming...

I didn't like it. 

Here's why:

1) Bad Smell: I understand they came out with other scents like fig, lavender, and pomegranate, but I went with the original.  Sweet almond mint.  One of the things I love when I use a great shampoo is smelling it all day long as my hair bounces around.  This was a wave of menthol -- like a cough drop a grandpa would keep in his shirt pocket along with a hankie.  Nobody wants to be a Sucrets head.


2) No Lather: THIS IS THE BEST PART OF SHAMPOO!  This thing was like smearing pudding on my head.  Even the commercial got a little foam.  But for me?  No bubbles.  No froth.  Just a gunky lump.  I know it's called a cleansing conditioner, and not shampoo, but I really think they forgot the cleansing part.  Without the lather, you don't feel clean.


3) Limp Locks: I have pretty thick hair but somehow, using Wen made it stringy and kind of oily-looking.  Not the desired effect. 


In short: My hair looked better before. 


I guess it's been a rough year for my mane.  I don't know if it can stand any more experiments, so maybe I should just stick with shampoos I truly love: Frederick Fekkai Glossing, Neutrogena Anti-Residue, Organix Moroccan Oil, Herbal Essences Hello Hydration 2-in-1, and Suave Naturals.

Unless YOU use something better?  (Shhh.  Don't tell my hair, but I'm all ears...)


tags: beauty, commercials, shopping

 

Crystal Light Flavor Faceoff

Absurd NYC ban aside, I’m trying to drink less soda -- though someone should really tell that to the 20oz Coke Zero that magically appears in my hand around noon each day.  (I don't have the heart.)

Clearly, at work, I have the willpower of a banana slug. 

But at home, I try not to buy soda because I know if I don’t have it, I won’t drink it. Yes, yes, I’m thisclose to buying a Sodastream – but honestly that’s driven more by my addiction to kitchen gadgets than my love of sugary carbonated beverages that rot my teeth and cause obesity.

So, I bought a pitcher (SEE? Another gadget!) to brew my very own healthy H2O. I went with Zerowater, which I prefer over its more famous cousin, the Britta Water Pitcher Filtration System because that one leaves nasty little charcoal bits floating around in your drink. Ick.

I like my water flat or fizzy, but sometimes I thirst for something… more.

Enter Crystal Light (full disclosure: my awesome brother works on this tasty brand, but this test was MY idea -- as most good things are).

I’ve loved this line of diet lady-drinks for a long time. I have my go-to iced teas that I guzzle by the gallon. Who doesn’t? But I feel like I blinked and the number of flavor varieties in my local dirty Gristedes has quadrupled in the past year. Mocktails, Energy, and Fiber! These newcomers not only keep you hydrated for a raging all-nite sober dance party, they’ll keep you regular too.

Obviously, I needed to try them all.

Fresh off my solo ice cream taste test, with the bellyache to prove it, I decided to recruit a few new members this time – my trusty parents.  Luckily, they humored me.  Thanks Mom & Dad!

Incidentally, if you’re ever hosting a powdered beverage smackdown with your AARP-aged parents, you’ll need: 30 different flavors to keep things interesting, a spoon, a box of disposable bathroom cups, a case of your favorite bottled water, and a trip (or five) to the restroom. Each.

It was a hot night in Del Boca Vista when I commandeered their roomy kitchen island and set up this ridiculous non-alcoholic drinking game. Then we drank, and drank, and DRANK. And something odd happened... 

We 3 people who might not agree on the time of day (it’s 4:45 -- NO it’s quarter to 5 -- NO it’s dinner time!), were all remarkably in sync about the tastes we didn’t care for.  Who knew?

Anyway, enough sweet talk, let's get down to business.  I divvied the flavors into 5 main categories for a faceoff. Here’s how it went down the hatch:

MOCKTAILS:
THE CONTENDERS: Mojito, Peach Bellini, Pomtini, Margarita, and Appletini

SIP: Peach Bellini, Margarita, and Appletini
SKIP: Pomtini

ENERGY:
THE CONTENDERS: Peach Mango, Grape, Citrus, and Wild Strawberry

SIP: Peach Mango and Strawberry
SKIP: Grape

FRUIT:
THE CONTENDERS: Sunrise Ruby Red Grapefruit, Cranberry Apple, Strawberry Kiwi, Cherry Pomegranate, Strawberry Orange Banana, Sunrise Classic Orange, Fruit Punch, Raspberry Peach, White Grape, Raspberry Ice, and Citrus Splash

SIP: Strawberry Kiwi, Cherry Pomegranate, and White Grape
SKIP: Strawberry Orange Banana and Raspberry Peach

LEMONADE:
THE CONTENDERS: Pink Lemonade, Lemonade, Pomegranate Lemonade, and Raspberry Lemonade

SIP: Pink Lemonade, Lemonade, and Raspberry Lemonade
SKIP: Pomegranate Lemonade

ICED TEA:
THE CONTENDERS: Lemon Iced Tea, Peach Mango Green Tea, Raspberry Iced Tea, Peach Iced Tea, Honey Lemon Green Tea, and Raspberry Green Tea

SIP: Lemon Iced Tea and Raspberry Iced Tea
SKIP: Honey Lemon Green Tea





So next time you’re in Stop & Shop or Shoprite, Foodtown or Fairway, Publix or Piggly Wiggly, remember our family taste test and load up on the good stuff.

And Crystal Light Powers That Be -- if you are listening -- here are a few more flavor concoctions I’d like to see ASAP:

• Lemonade + Lemon Iced Tea = Arnold Palmer
• Cherry Pomegranate + Margarita = Cherry Limeade
• White Grape + Raspberry Peach = White Wine Sangria
• Grape + Fruit Punch = Red Wine Sangria
• Wild Strawberry + Pomtini = Strawberry Daiquiri

So, do YOU prefer your water pure, or with a little pizazz? What’s your favorite Crystal Light flavor?

And what the heck do you do with all those empty plastic containers? Mix it up below…


tags:  food, taste tests