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Showing posts with label shopping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shopping. Show all posts

5/06/2022

Dear 1800-FLOWERS

Sunday is Mother's Day. But, you already knew that.
 
It's probably a pretty huge holiday for you, right?

After all, not everybody celebrates Christmas.  And birthdays come just once a year.  But everybody has, or had, a mom. And all us kids, no matter how big or small, like to show our love with cards and gifts and brunches and flowers and... berries.

Like millions of others, I went online the other day to order something special for my mom. And I stumbled upon your company, Shari's Berries. 

"Send a smile," they said!

That sounds nice, right? So I ordered a dozen chocolate covered strawberries and 9 strawberry cheesecake bites, pictured here.

Plump, juicy strawberries with creamy cheesecake bites, both covered in chocolate, all for the bargain price of $114.46.  I know you're not taking advantage of this holiday at all.  Besides, mom's worth it.  And it looks so yummy, she's absolutely going to love it, right? 

Wrong.

My gift was scheduled to arrive today.  At 6:30pm I received an email from you that a delivery attempt was made but no one was home.  Huh.  We were, in fact, home and nobody ever knocked on the door.  So I called customer service and spoke to a women who told me to ignore this message, that the driver was in my area and would be here soon.

Hooray!  I was relieved.  But I bet YOU can guess what happened next...

No one ever arrived. 

So, I called you again at about 7:45pm and spoke to another representative.  She told me that my order was now scheduled for delivery tomorrow, and I told her that was an issue.  

I specifically chose delivery TODAY because we were not going to be home tomorrow.  And since this was a perishable order that sat on a delivery van all day, I wasn't sure if it would even be good when it finally was redelivered.  She apologized and told me she would credit my card for the full order and I would receive an email after our call confirming this. 

I never received an email.  Shocker.

Instead, what we got was someone ringing our doorbell at 11:30pm to deliver a warm, crushed box of strawberries and cheesecake.  

Let me repeat that: SOMEONE RINGING OUR DOORBELL AT 11:30PM.

Talk about a shocker!  When I answered the door and told the delivery man that it was REALLY inappropriate to make deliveries at this hour, he told me they were very busy with Mother's Day.  Then he wanted to take a picture! 

I slammed the door in his face.

To say a delivery at this hour, with a beat up box, is unacceptable is an understatement. Who do you hire to deliver these gifts?  It is frightening to have someone standing outside your front door in the dark at almost MIDNIGHT!

And what the hell happened to these puny, melted, smashed up berries on the way to our house?

I don't even care anymore.  Thanks for nothing, except a mild heart attack that almost wiped out my whole family. I will NEVER shop at Shari's Berries -- or any of your brands -- ever again.  

And that's too bad for you, because I don't think twice about buying your grossly overpriced yet totally mediocre flowers and gifts. 

I'll be contacting you at a decent hour for a full and immediate refund and to report this shop for their poor judgement and terrible service.

Please see the photos below and change your name to 1800-FAILURE.
Jen



3/16/2019

Beauty Products I Can't Live Without

I'm often told that I look younger than I am (45 and a half -- barf).

Honestly, I think everyone looks about a decade younger than our parents did when they were our age.

But I will share my #1 beauty secret...

It's Snapchat filters!

Okaaaay. I kid! Mostly. I mean, they ARE magical and they do wonders for your self-esteem, amiright?

But seriously, my beauty routine is simple. And I've used many of the same products and brands since college.

And I've kept it pretty real with the whole aging thing. Nothing against anyone who turns back the hands of time with potions and procedures.

You do you!

But for me, what you see is what you get. My lips, lashes, hair, nails and all the rest are all natural. I even accept the lines on my forehead and the tiny wrinkles outside my eyes.

I DO draw the line at gray hairs, though. Those effers got to GO.

So, I pluck them.

Of course, I don't look (or feel) great every day -- but when I do, it's probably due to some combination of the stuff below. And maybe also happiness. And maybe genetics. And maybe the fact that I haven't been in the sun in, like, a decade.

Anyhoo, my go-to beauty products range from the corner drugstore to the fancy department stores. Read on for my faves and why I love them sooo much...

FACE

I don't wear a ton of makeup -- a little color on my cheeks, lips, lashes and I'm good to go.  That doesn't mean that I don't have blotchy skin sometimes, or breakout with hormonal acne on my chin once a month.  I do.  I just don't cover it up because I think it goes away faster if I leave it alone. If you looked inside my makeup bag right now, here's what you'd find:


HAIR

I've tried SO many hair products. But, truth be told, I only do my hair, like, once a week. That's when the blowdryer and the paddle brush get a workout. Most days I leave with a wet head and my hair dries in the car on the way to work. Nevertheless, I swear by these products and I stockpile them like a hoarder...


NAILS


Unpopular opinion: I absolutely hate professional manicures & pedicures, and do not find them relaxing in the slightest. But I love doing my own nails. And I'm SO happy that navy nail polish was invented. What a time to be alive! Here are my top 7 shades...


SKIN


You might be sensing a trend here, but I don't have a whole skin regimen either. In fact, I just use soap, most nights I take my makeup off and occasionally I moisturize. That's about it. I don't mess with serums, night creams, exfoliators, masks, oils or toners. It's not that I don't need them.  I probably do.  It's that I am LAZY. Here's all that I have the energy to use...
  • Child perfume: At least once a week someone tells me I smell good. It's all thanks to this baby. I'm SO picky about fragrance, but this one is a keeper.  It's expensive, so I get the rollerball instead of the spray, that way I don't waste a single drop. 
  • Irish Spring soap: My college boyfriend used this soap and I grew to like it too. It's the only soap I use -- even on my face -- and I go back and forth between original and moisturizing.
  • Vaseline Intensive Care moisturizer in Aloe: I find moisturizing annoying but this one smells good and I think it works fine.
  • Neutrogena makeup wipes: Hands-down my favorite makeup remover.


SMILE


There's nothing better than a genuine smile to make anyone beautiful. I wore braces for 4.5 years as a teenager, and most recently, I had a run-in with a root canal, but still, my smile is my favorite feature. I always just use the toothbrush and floss that my dentist gives me, but there are 2 products my teeth can't live without...


Well, for someone who claims to have a low-maintenance beauty routine, I somehow found 32 products I can't live without.  Typical.

Did I hit on any of your favorites? Any I missed?  Spill YOUR beauty secrets below...

3/17/2018

So Thrifty

We're still a month away from Earth Day, but I've been in a recycling state of mind.

I'm not talking cans, I'm talking clothes.

A few times a year, I dig through my closets & drawers and round up a couple bags of things to donate. It's all nice stuff -- some even brand new -- but in a size that doesn't fit (anymore), or I no longer like the style, or I never liked it in the first place (but was too lazy to return).

Shitty, I know.  But my careless spending is Goodwill's gain.  And I've given some great stuff over the years -- once a pair of Uggs, never worn still in the box, and a JCrew winter coat with the tags still on!

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I'm thisclose to becoming the old woman who lived in her shoes.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I was watching TV (what?!), and I saw a commercial for The RealReal, a luxury consignment shop.  It got me thinking: There are probably others out there who have nice stuff that they don't want or need.

So I gave it a Goog, and it seemed pretty legit.  People who have nice stuff sell it.  People who like nice stuff -- and discounts -- buy it.  And inbetween, somebody checks it out to make sure it really IS nice stuff, and didn't come from a basement in Chinatown.

Now, the sharing economy is nothing new. Think eBay, ZipCar, AirBNB, Rent the Runway or Uber.  Whether it's for a night or forever, it's just peer to peer selling with a tech middleman to handle the transaction.  And consignment is even older -- from Goodwill to used bookstores (which, for the record, are booger books and are totally disgusting.)

Could this be good?

I wasn't sure. So rather than sending my nice stuff into the abyss, I decided to try it out by buying something instead.  Here's how it went...


Item: Stella McCartney Falbella Foldover Tote
Condition: Very Good
Savings: 63% off (!)
Shipping: $11.95

The Verdict: Love it!  I've wanted this bag for ages, but spending $1000 on "vegan suede" seemed nuts -- even to me.  But there were all the high-end brands on this site, and they say everything has been verified for authenticity.  I also liked that they had a store in NYC. Shipping wasn't free, but it came quickly -- just 4 days after I ordered. And it looks new, it feels luxe, it doesn't smell or have anything funky going on in the lining.  It's just a really nice bag. I've got 4 words to sum up my experience: This. Could. Be. Dangerous. Somebody lock up my Amex.


Ok, so after that good experience, my mind was open.  I happened to be on Instagram and I saw a social media influencer promoting a site called thredUP, where she got a pile of secondhand clothes for a steal.  

Let's just say, I was influenced.

So, I browsed around the site, and picked up a thing or two... you know, for Science.


Items: Michael Kors sweater & Rachel Roy shirt
Condition: Brand new with tags
Savings: 75% off (each!!)
Shipping: Free

The Verdict: Really good! There were thousands of things to choose from, and you could filter by clothes with tags. My order took 8 days to arrive, but that was still a day sooner than the estimate. And the box (pictured above) was really adorable.  I'm a sucker for good marketing so the email & letter that I got from James Reinhart, their "Chief Knitwit," was a really cool touch as well. And the clothes are... nice! Really no different than what I would have picked up from Lord & Taylor, Macy's or Nordstrom, but at significant savings.


If you're still reading this -- and you know me well -- you might be shocked to hear I bought ANYTHING used.  I mean, sometimes it even grosses me out to buy clothes at a STORE if they look picked over!  Which is why I never buy clothes at Marshall's or TJ Maxx.

I might be scarred from my days as a 16 year old working the fitting room at The Gap. People are nasty (and they steal).

But this was different!  Everything was refurbished, either like new or it WAS new. And it was crazy cheap. So, my eyes have been opened to a different -- more economical and eco-friendly -- way of shopping. 

Hope yours have been too.  Happy recycling! 

(Oh, and if you've ever sold anything on these sites, let me know how it went.)

7/24/2017

All Lathered Up

Do you remember that Friends when they were in the steamy Caribbean at Ross' dinosaur conference and Monica's hair got bigger in every scene?

That's me.

Now, don't get me wrong.  This Jersey Girl loves big hair.  What I don't love is the fuzzy halo that surrounds it.

I have combination hair.  Is that a thing?  You can see its true identity when I let it air dry.  Somehow I have ringlets underneath, with wavy strands on top, and a few straight chunks in the front.

The frizz is just a bonus.

I guess I could have just gotten a keratin treatment and called it a day, but I feel like that makes your hair sooo flat.  I need volume.

And since I can't do anything a little bit, over the past few months I tried 17 different brands to tame my mane.  Each time, all I did was use these products and blow dry or air dry my hair -- no flat irons or magic hair wands involved.

Here are my findings in the People vs. Frizz...from best to worst.

Or just skip down to the bottom for the top 8 products I can't live without.

(And since it's weird to see my giant head over and over and over again, I'm using Snapchat pics because... filters.)


ALL TIME BEST:

FEKKAI: Brilliant Glossing

Cost: $20.99/ea
Good Smell: YES!
Rich Lather: YES!
Key Ingredient: Olive Oil

Did it Work? Yes -- this is my all-time fave and I've been using it for many years. I buy it for myself every year for my bday.  I always get compliments on my hair when I use it, and people tell me I smell good.  Honestly, what more could a girl (or mouse) want?





BEST BEAUTY STORE BRAND:

LIVING PROOF FRIZZ

Cost: $28-$59/ea depending on the size you buy
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Yes
Key Ingredient: A bunch of chemicals I can't pronounce

Did it Work? Shockingly, yes!  I like it so much I bought the jumbo size.  I think the key is that it makes the texture of my hair better. It's quite a process with the cream & spray, but it helps.  Take THAT humidity!






BEST DRUG STORE BRAND:

AUSSIE: Total Miracle

Cost: $3.99/ea
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Yes
Key Ingredient: Australian Aloe, Jojoba Oil & Sea Kelp

Did it Work? I actually think it does! I let it air dry and my hair was wavy not frizzy. It claims to have 7 miraculous benefits in every bottle.  Cool.  I'll let you know if a genie pops out and grants me 3 hair wishes.






THESE 3 ARE WORTH A TRY:

PANTENE PRO-V: Smooth & Sleek

Cost: $4.99/ea
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Yes
Key Ingredient: Argan Oil

Did it Work? Sure. I've used Pantene forever and it always has a place in my shower.  I just think my hair needs a fling with some other shampoos from time to time.  But I always find my way back home.



TRESEMEE EXPERT SELECTION: Keratin Smooth

Cost: $5.99/ea
Good Smell: Sorta
Rich Lather: Yes
Key Ingredient: Keratin

Did it Work? Actually this one is pretty good, super affordable -- and smooth!  The only weird thing is they say you'll have 7 days of straight hair, but I'm not sure who could put it to the test and go 7 days without washing it.  Certainly not this little piggie!


MOROCCANOIL: Hydration

Cost: $48/kit
Good Smell: No, smells musky like bad cologne
Rich Lather: Sorta
Key Ingredient: Moroccan Oil

Did it Work? Ok the smell is funky to me but I definitely have smoother hair when I use it. So hold your little pink nose and jump in.








THESE 7 ARE SO-SO:

WHOLE BLENDS: Smoothing

Cost: $3.49/ea
Good Smell: Maybe
Rich Lather: Yes
Key Ingredients: Coconut Oil & Cocoa Butter

Did it Work? The fox says no. It does have a super strong smell that really sticks with you.  This is great if you don't mind stinking like suntan lotion while you're sitting in a meeting.



GARNIER FRUCTIS: Sleek & Shine

Cost: $4.49/ea
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather:  Yes
Key Ingredient: Argan Oil & Apricot

Did it Work? In a word, no.  No sleek.  No shine.  No bueno.  It does smell really good though.  And I'm a sucker for good lather.






OGX: Renewing Argan Oil of Morocco

Cost: $7.99/ea
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Sorta
Key Ingredient: Argan Oil

Did it Work?  Ish. This wants so badly to be Moroccan Oil.  But it isn't. So my hair was as fuzzy as this photo.





NOT YOUR MOTHER'S: Curl Defining Shampoo

Cost: $8.99/ea
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Sorta
Key Ingredient: Mango butter

Did it Work? Not really. But to be fair, I wasn't going for curly, just for not frizzy. That might be why my hair looks so stringy. At least it smelled good!



BED HEAD TIGI: Small Talk

Cost: $20.99
Good Smell: No -- smells like a fruity stripper
Rich Lather: No, but it's not supposed to
Key Ingredient: Chemicals

Did it Work? It might but I hate the smell. It's like a blueberry died on my head.  I do love the one with the giant S on it though.  That one smells like papaya heaven and is a good leave in conditioner.



IT'S A 10: Miracle Leave-In

Cost: $33.29
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: No, but it's not supposed to
Key Ingredient: Keratin

Did it Work? Unclear. I used to think this worked to make my hair smooth.  Then I tried all this other stuff.  And I realized, it kinda doesn't. Woof.





DRYBAR: 100 Proof

Cost: $36
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Yes
Key Ingredient: Some Kind of Oil

Did it Work? Not really. It smells a bit incense-y and I think I just don't like hair oils.  They make my hair floppy. The shampoo & conditioner are ok, but for $36 apiece, this bunny needs more.







THESE 4 LEGIT GAVE ME A BAD HAIR DAY:

JOHN FRIEDA FRIZZ EASE: Beyond Smooth Frizz-Immunity

Cost: $6.99/ea
Good Smell: Yes
Rich Lather: Sorta
Key Ingredient: Coconut Oil

Did it Work? No. But they say it works gradually. If they mean decades, then maybe I'm on the right track.  But so far, this brand never works on my hair. Frizzy.  Fuzzy.  Fooey.



BUMBLE AND BUMBLE: BB Straight & Hairdresser's Invisible Oil

Cost: $31/ea
Good Smell: NO
Rich Lather: Sorta
Key Ingredient: A bunch of chemicals I can't pronounce

Did it Work? No. I'm pretty sure the shampoo/conditioner made my hair MORE frizzy and that invisible oil should be called Highly Visible Oil That Gives You Weird Shiny Patches And Does Not Come Off Your Hands.

NEXXUS: City Shield Sheer Frizz Resistance

Cost: $13.99 - $19.99/ea
Good Smell: No
Rich Lather: No
Key Ingredients: Lotus Extract & Wheat Protein

Did it Work? NO! In a catfight between my frizzy hair and the so-called frizz resistant city shield, my hair won.  Grrr.





KERASTASE: Nutritive Masquintense

Cost: $31.99-$51.99 depending on where you get it
Good Smell: NO-- smells like a guest soap at your grandma's house
Rich Lather: No, but it's not supposed to
Key Ingredient: Natural Lipid Conditioning Agent and Emollients with Irisome Complexe

Did it Work? Nope. I think Irisome Complexe is code for super greasy hair.  This dumb jar costs a fortune and it stinks in every sense of the word.





Ok.  Let's end on a high hair note!

Here are 8 hair products I can't live without -- fancy shampoo, daily shampoo, 2-1 for lazy days, dry shampoo for lazier days, hairspray, styling cream, leave in conditioner & sea salt spray.



What can I say?  The hair wants what it wants.

List YOUR go-to hair tips & tricks below...


tags: beauty, shopping, taste tests

7/10/2016

Freedom

Ahem... is this thing still on?

Hard to say.

I'm sorry.  I know it's been ages.

You probably can't tell but I think about writing a lot.  Really, I do!  I compose posts in my head all the time.  They just don't actually make it to any place where people can read them.

I will do better.

So, let's catch up.  In the last 2 months:

  • My hair accidentally got dyed red.  It looked horrible.  Suffice it to say, I won't be going to Becky anymore.  It is now back to brown and all is right with the universe.
  • I produced a huge event, which required me to work for a month straight, including weekends. 
  • I also threw a 50th anniversary party for my parents in FL -- more on that in my next post.
  • I binged on a bunch of new(ish) shows -- Bloodline (Netflix), Roadies (Showtime), American Gothic (CBS), Animal Kingdom (TNT), UnReal (Lifetime) and Casual (Amazon) are worth a spin. The Night Of (HBO) also looks promising.  And for a good old dose of nostalgia, I've been watching Gilmore Girls (Up) reruns on the phone with my mom while we wait for the new one.
  • Speaking of nostalgia, I bought a pack of Fruit Stripe gum,  I used to love that as a kid.  It's terrible as an adult.  Itch scratched.
  • I've developed a mild addiction to Bai antioxidant drinks.  I'm partial to Costa Rica Clementine, Kula Watermelon, and Andes Coconut Lime.
  • I'm FINALLY off the steroids.  So, maybe I can get back to looking like myself.
  • I started driving for Uber.
I'm kidding on that last one. I hate strangers!

But I COULD drive for Uber now if I wanted to, because... I got myself a new car! I figure after 8 loooong years of being car-free, I did my part to help the environment.

Birds, you're welcome.

Now, its a luxury SUV for me. It's fast and shiny and black and perfect.

A car is freedom.

Some people hate driving.  Not me.  I made myself a car playlist that's like a soundtrack to my life.  I got a trunk organizer.  I renewed my EZ Pass and I sit in Lincoln Tunnel traffic every day on the way to and from work.  But I don't even care!  I love every single second.

I leased the same kind of car I used to have but it's gotten quite an upgrade.  It's like a spaceship.  It's keyless and voice-activated.  It has sensors all around that beep when I'm too close to something (or something is too close to me).  I think it parks itself.  It doesn't drive itself but I bet it would call for a pizza if I asked it to.

One thing that thankfully hasn't changed is that Jersey Girls still don't pump gas.  The Garden State says "no thanks" to self-serve stations.  I never even knew that was a thing until I went to college in CT.  Let me go on the record to say it's absolutely barbaric to pump your own gas.  

I'm glad some things stay the same.

Another thing that's still alive and kicking is sexism at the car dealership!  I went in by myself to spend my own money on my own car.  Every other jackass in this very fancy place was just window shopping.  And there I was, checkbook in hand.  But you know the first question they asked after my name?  

Is that Mrs or Miss?  

Pump the brakes, Allen.  This isn't 1956.  And who knows, maybe I am married in a parallel universe where you are also tall, good looking, and smart.

Anyway, back to the good news: I have a car and I can go to Target anytime I want.

So, where else should I visit?  Tell me in the comments below!


10/03/2014

Dear Ikea,

We had some sweet times together, didn't we?

Remember how I frolicked through the long, winding aisles of your stores in Elizabeth and Paramus, leaving no corner or unpronounceable product unexplored?  Recall, those cozy afternoons spent between the pages of your glossy annual catalog?  Think back to the days I lovingly assembled Markor, Hemnes, Billy, Ingolf, Lack, and some other guys I can't remember the names of?

I think I still have the wrenches.

Well, Ikea, it pains me to say it, but I'm through with you!  Our 20-year love affair is O-V-E-R. 

You're dumped. 

It all started innocently enough.  Back in August, I was looking for a few more pieces of furniture for my new apartment, and of course I went straight to you.  Why wouldn't I?  You're economical, stylish, durable (I've moved 6x!), and I take a special pride in building furniture with my own two hands. 

You make me feel like the Swedish lovechild of Michelangelo, IM Pei, and Frank Lloyd Wright!

But since I needed 2 dressers for the bedroom PLUS a console for the foyer AND a desk/decorative cabinet for the living/dining room, I figured a solo trip to the store with a rented van was ill-advised.  So, I decided to order online and go for the convenient home delivery service you promote everywhere.

Mistake #1.

First, no matter how many times I visit your site, you never remember that I'm in the US.  Why?  That's pretty basic info, easily cookied.  Ok, maybe you want me to work for it.  So I clicked around and found about $900 worth of furniture, that I whittled down to $400 (aka a dresser and a desk) in an effort to be sensible.

(You should also know your online shopping experience was a bit clunky and Ask Anna is totally useless.)

I went to checkout, and added another $100 for home delivery bringing my total to roughly $500.  I entered my credit card.  I chose a delivery date (September 2nd, a Tuesday).  I got a confirmation number.  AND an email!  Great, I thought.  My furniture was on the way. 

Then, I waited.

Mistake #2.

The whole week passed and no delivery. So on that Friday morning I phoned you.  I got bounced around from post-sales to pre-sales and back to post only to find out I really needed to speak with the fraud department.  Apparently, my order had been flagged -- though nobody bothered to send an email, or make a call, or fling an ABBA record at my head to let me know. 

How could I have a confirmation number AND delivery date if this order was flagged as fraud?

(And don't even get me STARTED on all these hackers ripping off our credit card numbers. C'mon, gigantic banks and big box stores... get it together.  Some scruffy joker with an Acer he grabbed from a dumpster behind Radio Shack is eating your lunch.  And mine.)

Anyway, this Scooby Doo riddle took 45 minutes, which made me late for work, so I couldn't hop into the Mystery Machine to figure it out.  She offered to call me back.

I said ok.

Mistake #3.

Obviously, nobody called.  Which is baffling to me!  Was that bozo Anna hogging the phone again?  Nobody in your WHOLE company feels like following up on a $500 order?  Is the road to riches SO paved with Swedish meatballs and lingonberry sauce that you don't really NEED my money?

You played hard to get, which is my Achilles heel (you know me so well). A week later, I called customer service.  AGAIN.

Mistake #4.

I went down the automated path and got disconnected.  Twice.

Et tu, Ikea?

Eventually, I spoke to someone, who verified that yes, I had placed an order.  But she was predictably unconcerned that said order was languishing in this Bermuda Triangle between a confirmation number, a delivery date and a fake fraud flag.  And apparently the crack accounting team was once again hard at work because nobody could come to the phone. 

At this point, I told you to keep your furniture where the midnight sun don't shine.

Since then, I went to Amazon.  And Overstock.  And bought all 4 pieces of furniture.  With FREE shipping.  For the price of 81 sacks of frozen Kottbullar (also known as $700).

See ya never, Ingvar Kamprad.  I'm getting my Allen wenches elsewhere.

Signed,
Your Former #1 Furniture Fan


tags: rants, shopping

12/28/2013

Santa Brought Me Lots (and Lots) of Nail Polish

Would you believe me if I told you Santa brought me 194 bottles of nail polish this Christmas?

No?  Hmm...

Well, what's more unbelievable about that statement: that I have one-hundred-ninety-four new bottles of nail polish, or that a fat man in a big red suit slid down my chimney to deposit them under my tree?

(Or that I don't own a salon?  Or that my teeny tiny 550 sqft apt can house a nail polish collection of this size?)

Ok, you're right, it wasn't Santa.  It was ME! 

It all started out innocent enough.  A present for you, a present for me.  But nail polish gift sets are like Lay's potato chips -- no one can buy just one! 

The next thing I knew, one became two, two became four, and four became... fifteen. 

Crazy.  I blame the fumes.

Good thing I have that silly nail polish blog to justify the expense.  I do it -- in the name of Science.

I knew I would be down in Del Boca Vista for Christmas, so I opened my presents (to myself) early.  In just 2 nights, I tried at least one shade from every single one of the sets.  And if you think your fingers get raw and raggedy from painting, and removing, and painting, and removing -- you're right. 

Good thing I don't take close-up shots of my hands.  Oh, wait...

If you're curious what these kits really look like, you can read the post here.  My faves were from Butter London, Ciate, Julep, OPI and Zoya.

I hope you too found lots of bright, sparkly things under your Christmas tree, Hanukkah bush, or Festivus aluminum pole!
xo


tags: beauty, holidays, shopping

10/24/2013

Dear Verizon,

Remember back in 2011 when I wrote an open letter to Steve Jobs wishing he would allow you to carry the supercool  iPhone?  And remember when my wish came true and you totally stuffed it in AT&T's face?

(You're welcome, by the way.)

And recall, if you will, how I was a complete crazyperson who went online at 3am to order the moment it went on sale? 

Well, on Sept 20th, guess who was online once again at 3am to order the much-anticipated, highly-coveted, all-around-super shiny new toy known as the Gold iPhone 5S?

Me.

Well, Verizon, this time you stink.  Like a giant robot skunk. 

Buying the new gold iPhone from your website was a horrible experience.  And I'm not even talking about the fact that I slept on a loveseat next to my laptop and my wallet with the alarm on my original Verizon Wireless iPhone 4 set to wake me up to the sounds of Marimba at 2:55am. 

That sounds nutz. 

Nor, am I referring to the fact that I was still cozy and groggy at 3am so I was blinded by my laptop because I didn't get up to turn on a light.  No.

Here's why:

1. I was lured in with false promises of discounts.
When you called me TWELVE times a day for the last TWO months and neglected to leave a single message, and stalked me on my cell (once again messageless), AND bombed my inbox with lovenotes were you being coy?  You teased me with visions of $50 discounts.  You used the word "eligible."  And yet, not only did I pay full price, I was somehow charged a $30 network UPGRADE fee.  WTF VZW?

2. The ordering process was designed to trick me.
No way, you say?  Ok, then why did I find myself swept into a promotion that promised I would pay a mere $29 instead of $199?  And I could upgrade to a new phone any time I want?  Sounds good!  But the ridiculously small fine print explains if you take that friendly-sounding deal, you actually pay $29/mo for TWO YEARS, also known as SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS.  Why would I spend $700 to save $170?  I might be sleepy, but I'm not stupid.

3. You took away my unlimited data plan.
This was like a poke in the eye.  You hurled all kinds of confusing options at me.  They  had ambiguous names.  And fees.  But you were crystal clear about one thing -- by upgrading I was losing my unlimited data plan.  I guess the $17.1 BILLION you collected on services last quarter alone doesn't cut it. Thanks.

4. You gave me a shipping date, then postponed it.
So I got through all that nonsense and my order was received by 3:18am on 9/20.  I know this because you sent me an email at that exact time, indicating my new phone would ship by 9/24.  I was ok with that.  On 9/24, the only thing I received was another email from you with a delayed shipment notice.  And the new date was THIRTEEN DAYS LATER.  I'm sorry, did you not have enough inventory to fill 18 MINUTES worth of sales?  Who could possibly predict anybody would want this phone?!  Everyone.  This enraged me.

5. Your customer service person laughed when I called to complain.
After several automated prompts, I got to a person.  Somehow with all the technology you have, the account number I entered at the beginning of my call could not make the long journey to the man on the other end of the line.  So I gave it again.  And he pulled up my order.  Then he asked, "Which model did you order, ma'am?" When I told him the gold one, he laughed.  And not a chuckle, or a snort.  It was a belly laugh followed by this, "I call that one Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket.  You're lucky your order even went through.  People ordering now won't get their phones until NOVEMBER."  Comforting that I should feel lucky to spend $250 on a phone that's arriving late.

6. When it finally did come, your installation materials were not helpful.
Somehow it arrived later than scheduled, but earlier than delayed.  Stop playing with my emotions!  Now, here's a tip, marketer to marketer: when you enclose a giant red folder that shouts START HERE on the cover, the top page inside shouldn't be an ad for accessories to go with my new phone.  Maybe next time, follow this urgency with the thing I should actually read -- like the importance of backing up every last speck of my data.

7. THIS ONE'S FOR APPLE: Three words... Not. Gold. Enough.
75% of the back and the edges does not a gold iPhone make.  The minute I pop a case on this baby, it becomes a white phone.  Nobody tells you that.  I hate white phones, which is why I didn't buy one.  Also, it's super annoying that none of my old plugs fit, I dislike iOS7, and my music's all messed up.  But I like the new fingerprint thingy you added.


Ok, I know I'm whining here.  These are high-class problems.  I don't care. 

(Did I mention my diamond shoes are too tight?) 

Seriously, Verizon.  Get it together.

iThank you for not charging my minutes for this time,
Your (Formerly) #1 Verizon iPhone fan


tags: rants, shopping, technology

10/10/2013

Me Time

(Note: This is a sponsored post for SheKnows Experts Among Us, but the me time is all my own.)

I'm in serious need of some "me time."

You'd think because I'm single, and I don't have any kids, or a yard to rake, and just the one job, that I'd have sweet, sweet me time coming out my ears. 

But I don't.

What I might REALLY need is a lesson in time management, but that's not the point of this post.  Between work, and travel, and life, and my mildly unhealthy obsession with TV, there simply aren't enough hours in my day. 

I suppose sleeping is the ultimate me time, but I prefer to be conscious when I'm relaxing.

It's going to be a while before I can get lost again in a new Ikea catalogue, so here are 5 more ways I'd like to escape from the everyday: 

Anywhere Me Time: Writing
You might recall, I started this blog in 2008 as a way to get back into writing novels (ok, manuscripts that wish to grow into published novels one day).  But I actually wound up loving blogging for blogging's sake.  A novel is a commitment.  A blog post is a fling.  That's more my speed these days.   

At Home Me Time: Painting My Nails
I should seriously have my head examined for the amount I spend on nail polish.  You might think I was a 13 year old girl, but then you'd quickly realize a 13 year old girl could never earn enough in babysitting money to afford a collection like mine.  It's impossible for me to leave CVS without a new shade (Sally Hansen is my BFF) and don't even get me started about my bi-weekly trips to Sephora (I'm currently cheating on Butter London with Marc Jacobs, shhhhh). I find professional manicures thoroughly uncomfortable, but painting my own fingers and piggies is delightful.

In the Air Me Time: Reading a Magazine
You know what I love about JetBlue, besides the legroom, and the snacks, and the TV?  I love the fact that you can't get wifi.  You know what that means?  Hours of unplugged, uninterrupted time to read my all-time fave, Food Network Magazine, cover to beautiful cover.  It's heaven.  I usually also pick up US and Life & Style (which I hide inside the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly).  While everyone else is busy pretending to turn their electronics off by slipping them into the inexplicably insufficient "airplane mode," I'm lost in a story about the RHONJ because you can't power down a magazine.

Out & About Me Time: Grocery Shopping
I'm an advertiser's dream -- I'm crazy brand loyal and yet can't wait to try all kinds of new products.  If a commercial told me toothpaste was a vegetable, I'd probably believe it.  I prefer to go to the grocery store alone so I can take my time and leave no section unexplored.  It's not as fun here in the city (with the exception of Fairway).  I take my REAL grocery me time in the 'burbs, where the aisles are wide and the prices are low.  Beer, wine, Ensure?  I'll take them all.  You never know...

At Work Me Time: An Afternoon Treat
I'm not a coffee drinker.  Or a smoker (gross).  Or a person with Restless Leg Syndrome who needs to get up every 10 minutes.  So I don't often have an excuse to leave my desk during the day, unless I'm headed to a meeting.  But I actually don't need to get up to get away.  There's a tiny chocolate escape that lives in my desk drawer and calls my name around 4pm.  Can you hear it too?  Right now, I'm pretty partial to Lindt LINDOR Caramel Milk Chocolate Truffles.  They're a smooth and creamy trip for my taste buds.  In fact, I just might have to eat one now.  Ok, two.  Alriiight...maybe three.


So, how do YOU find me time?  List your favorite ways below, and then go do them! 

Unless reading my blog is part of your me time ritual, in which case, please read on.  Who am I to stand between you and sheer literary pleasure?


tags: beauty, food, shopping, travel, writing

7/30/2013

Woohoo, My Ikea Catolog Is Here!

Guess what was in my mailbox tonight?

The 2014 Ikea catalogue!!

Well, happy early birthday to me.  There's nothing better than snuggling up on my couch for some me-time with my old Swedish pal.

Ok, ok, there are SOME things that are better.  But this is up there.

I read someplace that each year Ikea prints 3x more copies of their catalogue than there are copies of the Bible on the PLANET, so chances are you have one too.

Lucky us!
 
I wish I could crawl into the pages and take a nap.  I can't wait to see what Ektorp, Hemnes, Billy, Ingolf, and Lack have been up to.  I wonder what unpronounceable names Ikea will introduce me to this year? 

Sure, their tiny meatballs freak me out.  But don't think there aren't days when I'm schlepping my groceries home from Fairway that I wouldn't kill for one of Ikea's giant blue & yellow plastic totebags.

I think they get a bad rap (much like my beloved Jersey).  There's this idea that because the furniture is cheap, it's also crappy.  I disagree. 

All my living room furniture is from the (discontinued -- sniff, sniff) Markor collection.  It's super heavy & made of actual wood.  At least I think it's actual wood.  Anyway, I've had it for about 10 years.  It's been through about 5 moves and it's still looking great. 

Plus I like having the satisfaction that I built my own furniture -- like an urban Paul Bunyan.  Or some other pioneer-type lumberjack.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to order a chandelier that looks like Sputnik. 

While you wait for YOUR catalogue, please enjoy this video:


 


Isn't Ikea the best?!  No?  Huh. 

Name ONE thing better below...


tags: city life, shopping

10/07/2012

I Am Not a Wen Girl

I hate being pampered.

There, I said it.

I know.  People looove that stuff.  Probably you do, too! 

YOU are normal.  But I just say no to manicures, pedicures, massages, facials, scrubs, mud baths, waxes, and spray tans.  Don't get me wrong -- I don't roam the Earth looking all raggedy.  I just handle this stuff on my own because being touched by strangers totally stresses me out. 

The ONLY salon treatment I love?  Getting my hair washed. 

Oh, I could sit in that awkward position, staring at the ceiling for hours!  I ignore the wet black towel draped around my neck.  I don't care if they get soap in my ears.  I laugh when they splash me in the eye.  I don't even flinch when the water is too cold or too hot. 

Just scrub-a-dub-dub.

Since I'm not in the salon very often, I try to recreate a hair washing oasis in my own shower.  To this end, I keep a variety of shampoos, conditioners, and 2-in-1s in stock. 

When I saw a late-nite infomercial for Wen, the revolutionary cleansing conditioner by celebrity stylist, Chaz Dean, I was immediately intrigued.  Do I know that dude?  No!  But I'm helpless to resist a good infomercial.  Seriously.  With each flip of Alyssa Milano's bouncy, shiny hair, mine felt more dry, frizzy, and dull.  This 80s teen queen/Wen Girl wouldn't steer me wrong.

They said it works on the first try!  Just one magical bottle was supposed to replace my shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner, detangler, and leave-in conditioner. 

I don't even use half that crap, but who cares?  Was Wen ("new" spelled backwards) the secret to great hair?

I had to find out.

I went directly to their website to order, but it was a recurring charge -- a bottle every 60 days -- like a DVD club for your head.  What if I didn't like it? I am lazy about managing my finances, no doubt I'd have spent $250 on a gallon of the stuff before I ever got around to stopping it.  I know my limits.  That was not for me. 

Then I saw Sephora sold individual kits.  Yet another reason I love that store... 

It arrived a few days later and I was super excited to unlock some gorgeous hair.  I waited for a weekend so I could spend more time than I do on a typical weekday (which is about 7 minutes, including the time I spend washing it). 

I wet my hair thoroughly.  I took 10 pumps of this cleansing conditioner in my hands and rubbed them together.  I worked it deep into my hair, from root to tip.  I left it in for at least 5 minutes to really soak it in there.  Then I rinsed.  I even patted my hair dry to keep it smooth.  Finally, I blow-dried it with a round brush just like they do in the salon.

Now, I know you know what's coming...

I didn't like it. 

Here's why:

1) Bad Smell: I understand they came out with other scents like fig, lavender, and pomegranate, but I went with the original.  Sweet almond mint.  One of the things I love when I use a great shampoo is smelling it all day long as my hair bounces around.  This was a wave of menthol -- like a cough drop a grandpa would keep in his shirt pocket along with a hankie.  Nobody wants to be a Sucrets head.


2) No Lather: THIS IS THE BEST PART OF SHAMPOO!  This thing was like smearing pudding on my head.  Even the commercial got a little foam.  But for me?  No bubbles.  No froth.  Just a gunky lump.  I know it's called a cleansing conditioner, and not shampoo, but I really think they forgot the cleansing part.  Without the lather, you don't feel clean.


3) Limp Locks: I have pretty thick hair but somehow, using Wen made it stringy and kind of oily-looking.  Not the desired effect. 


In short: My hair looked better before. 


I guess it's been a rough year for my mane.  I don't know if it can stand any more experiments, so maybe I should just stick with shampoos I truly love: Frederick Fekkai Glossing, Neutrogena Anti-Residue, Organix Moroccan Oil, Herbal Essences Hello Hydration 2-in-1, and Suave Naturals.

Unless YOU use something better?  (Shhh.  Don't tell my hair, but I'm all ears...)


tags: beauty, commercials, shopping

 

8/17/2012

What Do You Wear to The White House?

So, I'm in DC for an event I'm working on at The White House.

Say what?!?

Not A white house.  THE White House.

I'm beside myself. 

I've worked on some very cool events in my day.  Dennis Rodman signing books in a wedding dress.  American Idol tryouts at Giants Stadium with the Travelocity Roaming Gnome.  Proposals at the ice rink in Rockefeller Center. Valentine's Day weddings atop the Empire State Building.  Love stories in a glass truck in Times Square. 

But this one takes the cake. 

It all started over a year ago when our Editor in Chief had an idea to team up with Let's Move for a healthy recipe contest for kids.  Fast forward to this April, when we launched a nationwide search for the best school lunch recipes from every state.  That's where I came in. 

In July, we announced winners from all 50 states, plus DC and 3 territories.  And this weekend we are bringing 54 Junior Chefs, age 8-12, plus a parent, to our nation's capital for 2 days filled with foodie fun.  The cherry on top is lunch at The White House with the First Lady (and a mini concert from a boy band on Nickelodeon that the young people enjoy, called Big Time Rush). 

Just your normal, run-of-the-mill weekend.

Juggling complex travel itineraries and logistics for these events is nothing compared to the biggest thing weighing on my mind right now.

WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO THE WHITE HOUSE???

Oh, the pressure! 

I want my outfit to convey how honored I feel to be there.  I hope to look feminine but authoritative.  I want to be dressy but appropriate for a daytime lunch with kids.  It should be summery but modest.  I need to have some level of comfort so I could spring into action at any moment. And let's not forget, if there's any time -- ever -- in your life to look patriotic, this is IT!

I had 2 outfits already in my closet.  One I've worn to a wedding, one I wear to work.  Meh. 

So I bought a new dress.  Then I bought 2 more.  PLUS 4 pairs of shoes.  (Way to stimulate the economy, Jen.)  I couldn't stop!  I did a fashion show in my apt.  Twice.  And I STILL can't decide, so I brought them all with me.

I turn to you, Trusted Reader.  Please help!

Take a look at what I'm working with and vote below:






I'll wear whatever you pick for me.  Seriously.  As long as it's one of these outfits.

I hear the lunch will be televised, so tune live in starting at 10am on Monday to watch this super exciting event at The White House. 

And also to see what I wear.  'Cause those 2 things are pretty much on par. 

Wish me luck!!

In the meantime, here's a taste of what's to come:



tags: politics, polls, shopping, travel, work

4/13/2012

Freebies

Ok, ok, so I didn’t win the lottery. You either? Pfft. But today WAS a lucky day. I earned a free sandwich.

Take THAT, Friday the 13th!

(it’s the little things)

There's a lunch place near my office called Chop't, and every day no matter what time you go, the line is out the door. If you're not familiar, they're like the Cold Stone Creamery of salads. You pick your lettuce and your mix-ins, and a little dude behind the glass dumps it on the counter and dices it all up so there's dressing in every bite. Yum. You can have it in a bowl, or in a wrap.

I go for the Santa Fe. With bacon. And Russian. I'm sure there's a vegetable hidden in there somewhere.

Probably.

Anyway, with every 9 you buy, the 10th is free. Nevermind that you've probably spent $100 bucks to get the free one. It's still a happy day when the Frequent Chop'r Card (no joke, that's the name) pays a dividend.

So Tax Day is almost upon us, and my hand is cramping from writing checks to Uncle Sam, the Big Apple, and Sal my accountant (surely it's not from stuffing free sammies down my gullet). For some reason I cannot explain, every single year I either break even or have to pay. Well, except for the ONE time this century that I got a refund and I stupidly used it on movers.

I would have rather given my $ to the government.

My depleted bank account and this sandwich-induced euphoria got me to thinking of the other loyalty programs I love...

Sephora Beauty Insider
What You Get: Discounts, free samples with every 100 pts, special gifts with 500 pts, and a treat on your bday
Why I Love It: I have earned VIB status, based on the sheer quantity of lip gloss I buy and my irrational desire to smell like Jennifer Aniston at all times.

Best Buy Reward Zone
What You Get: A $5 certificate for every 250 pts, a visit from the Geeks, and free shipping
Why I Love It: I earned Premier Silver status here. You'd be surprised how many points you get for buying the full series of Dawson's Creek on DVD. That's the gift that just keeps on giving.

CVS Extra Care
What You Get: ExtraBucks to spend in the store
Why I Love It: Because you can combine these discounts. So on my last visit, I got Easter cards for the fam, a Reese's Peanut Butter egg (next to Peeps, it is the best Easter candy in all the land), nail polish remover, and a roll of toilet paper for FREE.

American Express Membership Rewards
What You Get: Points for every dollar you spend, which can be used to buy more stuff
Why I Love It: You can use these points on Amazon, just like cash, which made me the world's greatest daughter when I got my Dad a free Kindle for Christmas a few years back. But then they came out with much cooler ones. And now he wants an upgrade to the Fire. Good thing I charge my rent (kidding, they don't take Amex -- just Visa).

Jet Blue True Blue
What You Get: Free flights with no blackout dates and points that never expire
Why I Love It: Since I'm now an honorary retiree with all my trips to Del Boca Vista, I get a free trip at least once a year. You get points for checking in online.  Plus when they screw something up, they give you more points. I'm ok with that, but wonder how many points they doled out to the folks on the flight with Captain Crazypants?


Now, maybe you're thinking... why spend a couple grand to earn a sandwich, a perfume sample, $5 coupons, a lame-ass Kindle, and a ticket to sweaty Florida?

Simple: Because I like free things. Even if I'm paying for them. 

Plus I've recently graduated from extreme couponing to hoarding, so this fits right in.

List YOUR favorite loyalty programs below (fair warning: if Dave & Busters or Hooters makes this list, I will judge you)...


tags: shopping