The Last Time

The pandemic officially started two years ago for me, and I suspect for many of you as well. This was the night we decided to keep our teams home from work for 2 weeks to "flatten the curve." 

Who knew 2 weeks could become 2 years for some?

It's also the night I cancelled a flight to Florida to visit my parents.

Who knew we would be living here together now?

Lots of unexpected things have happened to all of us over the past 2 years -- some tragedies, some triumphs.  I think the history books (websites? holograms?) will look back at this time and people will be in awe of how we made it through.  

Kinda like how we look at The Plague or The Great Depression.

I remember buying this cookie at Kings, the grocery store in my building in Hoboken, on New Year's Day. It's like everything hopeful I was feeling about the dawn of a new decade was written in sugar and wrapped with curly ribbon. 

Placing this colorful cookie in my little green basket, I was blissfully unaware that the world was about to do a 180 -- and that 2020 would go down as one of the worst years ever.

Being home alone for months was awful.  Kevin McAllister made it look way more fun.

Fast forward to today. 

I'm fortunate to be back to work in an office doing a job I love, in a new state with my family. Life is quite different now, but better in many ways.  

There are days that I forget everything that happened these past few years. But on days like today, I find myself thinking about the things I loved to do -- travel, see friends, go to the movies, shop. All things that I haven't done in more than 2 years...

Jan 4, 2020 - My last leisurely trip to Target.
I think I spent an hour wandering around, buying things I really didn't need. Those were the days!

Feb 1, 2020 - My last work trip.
I traveled a lot.  Here we were in LA hosting an outdoor conference on women's health. We had fun.

Feb 21, 2020 - My last dinner with my childhood friends.
We went for Italian in Jersey, we laughed all night and shut the place down. Miss these girls.

Feb 22, 2020 - My last dinner with my college friends.
We were in Connecticut. More food, more laughs, more missing my girls.

Feb 29, 2020 - My last time in Chicago & last movie.
Leap Day! I visited my niece & nephew for his 8th birthday and we went to see Sonic. It was terrible but the company was great. Luckily I've seen these cuties in FL several times since this pic was taken, but dear Lord, let this not be the last movie I ever see in a theater.

Mar 4, 2020 - My last week in my midtown NYC office.

One of my good friends always made funny videos -- this is us in the elevator leaving work for the night, probably after 8pm. I miss her terribly too. I don't miss leaving work at that hour.

Here's hoping we all see the people and places we love again very soon!

Covid, I Hate You

Both figuratively and literally, I am sick and tired.

For TWO YEARS, we masked, and we vaxxed (3X!!), and we distanced, and we washed, and we disinfected, and we stayed home, and we stayed away, and yet...

My parents and I tested positive for Covid last week.

And it's not the asymptomatic kind that you never know you have.  OH NO!  We're coughing and sneezing, there are headaches and dizziness, congestion and tummy troubles, we can't sleep and food tastes weird.  

And the ANXIETY!  What does that ache mean?  Will this get worse?  When will it go away?

I'm told I should be thankful that because we're vaccinated it's not "that bad." Really?? Is that the best we can do?  Yes, we're home and not in a hospital -- and sure, that's obviously good. But it's not enough! Not for all the sacrifices we, and millions of others, have made. 

No!

Get vaccinated to be protected, they said.  Wear a mask to be responsible, they said. It's not safe to travel or gather or shop or eat or laugh or BREATHE outside your house, they said.

We did ALL the things. And yet, here we are.

Covid, I hate you.

I wish we never met.  And I hope we never, ever meet again.

Beat it!
Jen 

Bye Bye Boken

I was born in the Bronx and lived there for the first 6 years of my life.  I've also lived in NYC and CT -- twice.  But I've spent the majority of my life in NJ and I'm a Jersey Girl at heart.

There's nothing I don't love about the Garden State.

(And yes, I know that's a double negative, and no, I don't care.)

It's so pretty -- don't let anyone tell you different. The public school system is terrific -- no joke, we rank #1 in the nation for pre-K-12.  The people have huge hearts -- you just have to earn it.  Every gas station in the whole state is full-service -- pumping your own is simply barbaric.  

And the food is the BEST -- just try getting a decent bagel or pizza or chicken parm outside the Tristate Area.  It can't be done!

So, you might be asking yourself, why I would leave the paradise that is New Jersey (she asked without a trace of sarcasm in her voice)?

Well, as much as I love it -- and it's really all I know -- 2020 was a rough year for many reasons, not the least of which was my parents' health. They saw more doctors and hospitals in the past year than they've seen my whole life.

It became crystal clear to me that we can't be 1000 miles apart anymore.

I considered moving them back up north, or moving all of us to the Chicago area to be near my brother, but truly the best thing for them is for me to fit into their lives, not the other way around.  Deciding to make the move to Florida to help care for them was a tough one, but I know in my heart it's the right thing to do. And lucky for me, I found a great job in their community doing what I love.

I believe things start to align when you're on the right track.

So, this week, my brother flew down to be with my parents, while I drove home from FL to NJ for the first time since last June.  After 9 months away, my apartment had become the world's most expensive storage unit.  I hired a company to pack, move and put all my stuff into an actual storage unit.  And tomorrow, I turn over my apt keys and drive back down to FL.  For good.  

All this, in the span of a week.

So, now I sit here in Hoboken by the glow of my oldest friend -- TV -- surrounded by boxes stacked to the ceiling.  Exhausted, yet unable to sleep.  I'm typing this with a heavy heart for the many people and things I'll dearly miss.  

But I DO have a full belly.

I mean, I really couldn't leave town without ordering ALL my favorite dishes, right?  At emotional times like this, I turn to food for comfort.  Here's a hearty helping...

My go-to from Napolis --
large vodka pizza, arancini & cannoli. Buon appetito!

Del Frisco's Grille serves up a fine steak salad,
but the cheesesteak eggrolls are really where it's at.

You haven't lived until you've had
a prosciutto & mutz hero from Vito's Deli.
(Eating it on top of a moving box is optional.)

NJ is the Diner Capital of the World, so naturally,
I needed a grilled cheese w bacon & crispy o-rings
from Malibu Diner, a Hoboken fixture since the 40s.

Did you even order from Sushi Lounge if you didn't get
crispy rice?  No.  Also, some edamame and spring,
super kani and cali rolls came along for the ride.

A final stop at O'Bagel for a toasted sesame with cream cheese
and a Snapple. My breakfast of champions since high school.

If I had more time, I also would have eaten my way through Charritos, Benny Tudino's, Arthur's, Grimaldi's, Madison's and House of Que too.

SO, smell ya later, Jersey!

Kiiidding.

I find humor helps in these situations.  But seriously, stay #HobokenStrong.  I miss you already...

Dear 2021

Finally, you're here! 

Billions of people have been counting down the days until your arrival.  So, I'll make it simple for you.  

You have ONE job this year...

Be better than 2020.

That's not hard, right?  2020 was a dumpster fire of a year! Just making it to December was an achievement for us all.

And as you're looking for ways to be better, might I suggest starting with any of these 9 totally taken for granted things that 2020 took away?  

I miss them all terribly, and I suspect others might as well:  

1. Hugs
2. Smiling
3. Eating in restaurants
4. Going grocery shopping
5. Trips to Target
6. Working in an office with people you are not related to
7. Flying
8. Professional haircuts
9. Coughing without getting the stinkeye

While we're at it, here's one thing I do NOT miss.  Please don't mess with it:

1. Wearing actual pants

They are binding and uncomfortable and they squeeze my belly.  Thank you.

Your pandemic pal,

Jen

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mom Spent 5 Weeks in ICU

In my 20s, the worst thing that happened to me was 9/11. I worked in downtown NYC at the time and my dad was in the Trade Center  Thankfully, he got out just in time because he came looking for me. 

In my 30s, it was getting dumped by my fiancé a few months before I thought we would marry. It was a devastating and expensive breakup. Oh, and did I mention I worked for Brides magazine at the time? 

Salt, meet wound.

Now in my 40s, I've officially experienced the worst pain of my life -- suddenly and out of the blue, hearing a doctor I just met say if he didn't operate now, my mom wouldn't make it through the night.

It is an out of body experience hearing those words: She. Could. Die. Like a nightmare with your eyes open.  In a flash, you begin making loads of critical decisions -- literally life and death.

And you aren't prepared. 

So, you cry.  And you google.  And you pray.  A lot.  And still, you have a non-stop sick pit in your stomach because you don't know what you don't know.

It was mid-June when this all happened to my family. By sheer luck I had just arrived in Florida two days earlier. A routine trip, or so I thought.  And everything was fine.  Normal.  

Until it wasn't.

We went from a late night trip to the local emergency room -> to an overnight admittance to a hospital 45 minutes away -> to 2 emergency surgeries at 2 different hospitals in 48 hours -> to 2 weeks in trauma ICU -> to getting discharged -> only to wind up BACK in the trauma ICU 2 days later with complications, where my mom remained for 3 more long, frightening weeks.  

And all this during Covid, where the hospital policy changed from just ONE visitor at a time, to ONE visitor total, to NO visitors at all.

Alone when she needed us most.

Thankfully, I had my brother to lean on. And while my mom had good care in the hospital for the most part, NOBODY'S like family -- and everyone underestimates the healing power they bring. So as a family, my dad, brother and I finally brought my mom home 38 days after she was first admitted -- totally traumatized, hooked up to several scary machines, and completely unable to walk or even stand.

Truth be told, she should have gone to a rehab facility, but I believe with every fiber of my being that if we did that (where again she would be alone due to Covid rules), she wouldn't have made it out.

Instead, we turned my parents' home into a rehab -- with registered nurses, physical and occupational therapists, home health aides visiting daily, and every piece of medical equipment you can imagine.  

Did we know what we were doing?  No.  But we were lucky, in a way, to be ABLE to do it.  To find help.  To afford it.  To dedicate the time.  Though, it definitely wasn't easy.

Now fast forward to today, nearly four months later. My mom had her last physical therapy session, and she is walking once again, with the help of a walker and fueled by sheer determination.  The doctors and therapists initially had very low hopes. 

But they don't know my mom.

Her health journey isn't over, but I feel like I can finally breathe again! (While I still pray the worst is behind us.) 

When I look back, there are SO many things I wish we knew that would have made the process smoother, or could have avoided unnecessary setbacks, or would have made my mom more comfortable, or given us all more peace of mind.  I hope you never need it, but incase you do, I've made a list for people with aging parents.

10 Things I Wish I Knew: A Checklist for Caregivers

1. Appoint a Family Medical Advocate: This should be someone who knows the most about a parent's background, who can speak on their behalf when they can't, ask questions when they don't understand, and be with them as much as possible.
2. Find Out What Hospital System Their Local ER Is Affiliated With: Just because the emergency room is nearby, doesn't mean the hospital will be. Or, that it will have a good reputation.  Planning ahead here may help you make a better decision in the heat of the moment.
3. Know Their Doctors' Names and Numbers: This is especially important for their GP, because everyone will ask who this person is, and if you don't know or they don't have one, it really complicates things, especially after they are discharged.
4. Learn Their Social Security Number: Also required for all admitting paperwork, and often hard to remember on the spot.
5. Get a Pic of Their Meds: The older we get the more medicine we take, so take a picture of each bottle so you have it in your camera roll, and make sure you can read the dosage and frequency on the label. While you're at it, ask what their allergies are too.
6. Get a Pic of their Medical Cards: This includes Medicare, any supplement insurance, and any prescription cards.  If you don't have access to their wallet, or even if you do, it's very helpful to have this info on hand.
7. Find Their Checkbook & Find Out When Their Social Security Check Hits: Depending on how long they're hospitalized, and depending on who normally does the bills, you may need to step in and handle their banking. And if they're anything like my parents, we're talking mailing actual paper checks, not online bill paying, so buffer in extra time for them to arrive. And buy stamps.
8. Know Their Phone Password: It might be easy to guess, like a birthday or anniversary, but make sure you know how to get in so you can access their email and their contacts.
9. Keep a Running Log of What Happens: This could be as simple as a text chain with a sibling, because all the doctors and dates and procedures and test results will start to blend together.  Texting updates in real time will help, especially when you are connecting the dots between different health issues or reconciling conflicting advice (because in all likelihood, you will have a better handle on the big picture than the revolving door of medical professionals they will see).
10. Learn Everyone's Names: About that revolving door, you will meet more people than you can keep straight, but you need to remember them for 3 important reasons: Appreciation, Access, and Accountability.  Appreciation because you can call them by name to say thank you, and they deserve that. Access because when you need something or someone, you can give a name that will give your ask legitimacy and urgency. And Accountability, because if someone knows you know their name they are more likely to follow through.
11. BONUS - Find a Local Medical Supply Store or Rental Company: You can get everything you know you need at home, like hospital beds, lift chairs, wheelchairs, walkers, shower chairs, portable bedside commodes, Ensure -- and everything you don't know you need, like portable oxygen concentrators, wound vacs, nebulizers, gait belts, PureWicks, Hoyer lifts, medical transport services and more. Insurance will pay for most of this too.  Just keep talking to people who know more than you, and they'll point you in the right direction.

I wouldn't wish the year I've had on anyone, but I'm so grateful to be going into Thanksgiving with my mom by my side.

I hope you are able to be with your loved ones too.

Day 60

I normally don't post about the same thing twice in a row, but... these are crazy times we're living in.

Soooo... quarantine, huh?

I always thought it would be awesome to spend MORE time in my apt -- I have a great view of the city, every TV channel and streaming service you can imagine, comfy pillows and good snacks.

Um, I was wrong.

Turns out, MORE time in my apt during a pandemic means more time to wait. And worry. And work. All. The. Time.

You too?

Oh, and all this time inside has given me a solid phobia of leaving my apt for any reason at all. That includes getting groceries (so I ate all the expired soup in my pantry) and throwing away the garbage (so my apt resembled a classic episode of Hoarders).

After 30 days in my Fortress of Solitude in Hoboken, I hit the road.

Now, let me preface this by saying, I realize I am lucky that I could do this.  For starters, I still have a job, and it is flexible so that I can do it from anywhere.  And I have a car, so by driving, I could avoid contact with basically everyone and make my own personal Cannonball Run down 95 to my parents' house in Florida.

In total, I spent about 30 days there too, and it was such a welcome change of scenery.  I felt better, mostly because I worried less.  Plus, no more expired groceries for me! My mom's a great cook and she made more meals than I've had in a year.

Fast forward to today, I'm 60 days into quarantine, and I just got back to Hoboken. In total, I logged:

• 4 travel days (2 days each way)
• 32 total hours of driving
• 2,140 miles round-trip
• 455 songs
• 4 stops for gas
• 4 times I cursed every self-serve state (reason 534 why NJ is the best)
• 0 bathroom breaks (I have a bladder of steel)
• 0 snack breaks (I brought all my own food & drinks)
• 15 Cracker Barrels passed
• 2 nights in hotel rooms that I scoured like a forensic detective
• 3 states requiring people from NJ to quarantine for 14-days (thanks, DE, MD & FL)
• 1 close call with a Georgia State Trooper (he got the guy behind me)
• 1 billion dead lovebugs on my windshield

The whole drive was pretty surreal.  I left on Easter weekend and came back on Mother's Day weekend -- both holidays -- and nobody was on the road.  Just me and the truckers.

I know that's good, because it means people are staying home, but it still freaked me out.

Anyway, I couldn't help but take some pics along the way -- so come on a virtual road trip with me...

I travel light, right?

Drink? Check. Snacks? Check. Tunes? Check. Gas? Check.
Gloves & mask? Check...

This is the New Jersey Turnpike at 11AM on a Saturday.

And this is the toll plaza -- not a single car.

This was Delaware's welcome sign.

Nobody's on the road, so nobody's at the gas station either.
It's barbaric to pump your own gas, but here I am. At least the gas was cheap...

This is 95 in North Carolina -- about 6PM on a Saturday.

After 8 hours of not peeing, I made a beeline for my bathroom. 
The swans were a nice touch.

Not sure if you can read this, but it basically says that they were
only offering DoubleTree's famous cookie on request. A sad but necessary step.

A good place to rest your head, and the mid-point in my trip.

You know you're in South Carolina when you see this.

Georgia, on 95 at 4PM on Easter Sunday.

When I got to FL, there was a mandatory checkpoint at the first rest stop on 95.
Anyone from NY/NJ/CT was asked to fill out paperwork and
quarantine for 14 days.  And they weren't fooling around.
Failure to fill out the paperwork was a 2nd degree misdemeanor,
and failure to quarantine could be punished by 60 days in jail and a $500 fine!
I have no idea how they'd know, but I wasn't taking any chances. 

Home sweet home.

This became my new office.

And this little guy became my co-worker.

This was our sassy office manager who tweeted whenever I was on a call.

Eventually, I headed home.
Again, this is Saturday at about noon on 95 in Florida.

And here was my souvenir, a billion dead love bugs smashed on my car.
In other news, they don't come off, no matter how fast your wipers go. 

So, that's the trip. Amidst all the scary stuff going on right now, this was a bright spot for me.  And it was nice to spend some bonus time with my fam, which we'd never be able to do for a month under normal circumstances. Since we're not going back to the office until July, I'll probably do it again.

I hope you all are able to get a change of scenery too to clear your mind.

Be well and keep washing those hands!

My Corona

Sooooo, this is fun, huh?

As the news gets more horrible by the millisecond, we all learn new phrases like "social distancing" and "shelter in place" and we hear how every company we've ever given our email address to is handling COVID-19...

I thought it was a good time to blow the dust off this blog and share a few thoughts.

By now, most of us who are fortunate enough to work from home are doing so. Indefinitely. And we know anyone who still has to work outside the home and put themselves in harm's way are the real heroes of this story.

But while we're all trying to avoid getting the Coronavirus, it's v easy to catch Cabin Fever.

Here are 8 things we can do to stay sane in these uncertain times:

LEARN SOMETHING NEW
For me, I tried washing my hands for 20 seconds.  It's waaaay longer than you think.  Suffice it to say, I've been doing it wrong for 46 years and it's a wonder I don't have trenchmouth and pink eye.  You might set your bar a little higher and learn a language.

KONDO YOUR CLOSET
Use all this time at home to surround yourself with things that spark joy and keep the Boogieman at bay.  It's a great time to get organized!  The inventory will be especially helpful if we all have to start selling our handbags and shoes in order to afford the roof over our heads.

PLAY CHOPPED AT HOME
Gather all the random crap you have in the back of your pantry (hello, cream of mushroom soup!) and in the depths of your freezer (when did I buy chicken patties?).  Suddenly, it's Casserole O'Clock.

GROW A BEARD
I don't have an old lady beard (yet) but for all you dudes out there, now's the time to experiment with the facial hair.  Grow a full beard, then trim it like a bonsai.  Leave the goatee, then decide it's creepy.  Shave it off AND your eyebrows too. Who cares? It will grow back by the time we emerge from this crazy nightmare.

WEAR WHAT YOU WANT
No bra? No problem! PJs all day? Yes, please! Even with video calls, you only need to look presentable from the shoulders up. It's the Golden Age of Athleisure -- make the most of it.

QUARANTINE & CHILL
STOP watching the news -- it's all awwwful.  Our brains need cotton candy -- like Love Is Blind.  Rather watch a comedy? Binge Schitt's Creek or Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Prefer documentaries? Check out McMillions or Cheer.  Watch anything, really.  Just don't watch Contagion.  And don't be surprised in 9 months when a TON of babies are born.

SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES
Many big companies -- chain restaurants, retail stores, etc -- can afford to shut down and pay employees (for now), but most of the mom and pops out there are struggggling.  So, order delivery, buy something from their website, give them a 5-star review, or get a gift card, and help them stay afloat if you can. Good karma will come back to you.

DON'T BE A JERK
Let's not travel when we're sick, like this jerk. Let's stay home when we're asked to, unlike this jerk. Let's not hoard 17,000 hand sanitizers, like this jerk. Basically, let's be decent humans. It's really the best thing any of us can do.


If I know one thing about people, it's that we're resilient. And this too shall pass.  So, hang in there everybody.

As Coach Taylor says.. clean hands, full hearts, can't lose!