Somewhere, my brother is falling on the floor.
Yes, I am blogging about football. No, it’s not my musings on why the Giants sucked big monkey butt ever since Plaxico shot himself in the leg. This is me, we’re talking about, people! The ONLY way I’m even remotely allowed to speak about the game is when it’s related to a TV show.
Well, a birdie told me that Friday Night Lights came back to regular TV tonight as the Dillon Panthers kicked off season 3. So I tuned in. On a Friday night. Just living the NYC dream. But seriously, how have I NOT been watching this show?? Rookie mistake.
While passing the pigskin really does bore me to tears, a TV show about football is totally entertaining! Since I’m SO late to the game, rather than fumble an FNL Top 5, I decided to list my favorite football movies (and their best lines) instead.
(Did I mention I LOVE football movies? I have many layers. Like a spicy guacamole dip.)
Here goes the coin toss… I call tails:
1) The Last Boy Scout: The Los Angeles Stallions
“Six hundred and fifty dollars? They’re pants. You wear them. They don’t, like, have a TV in them or something?”
“I am very old.”
-- Disgruntled former Secret Service agent, Joe Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis), and disgraced former NFL star, Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans), discussing the merits of leather pants
2) Any Given Sunday: The Miami Sharks
“Life's this game of inches, so is football… On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!”
-- Aging head coach, Tony D’Amato (Al Pacino)
3) The Program: Eastern State University
TIE: “Not everybody can play football… we’re the lucky ones.”
-- Juiced up defensive lineman, Steve Lattimer (Andrew Bryniarski)
AND: “Let’s put the women and children to bed and go lookin’ for dinner!”
-- Badass Heisman Trophy candidate, Joe Kane (Craig Sheffer)
4) Lucas: Generic 80's High School Football Team
“Are you interested in wide receivers?”
-- Teenage heartthrob, Cappie (Charlie Sheen)
5) Varsity Blues: The West Canaan Coyotes
“If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?”
-- 2nd string QB, Jonathan “Mox” Moxon (James “Dawson” Van Der Beek)
Ok, I think that’s all I have to say about football. I’m probably good for like, the next 10 years now. So I’ll just leave you with this final nugget of gridiron wisdom:
Play like a champion today.
Are you calling foul on my five? Add your own football faves below!