Bachelor Boo-Hoo

I’ll admit it: I watch The Bachelor. I’ve even been known to swoon as the Navy Officer/Brit/Actor/Doctor/Tire Heir/Football Player/Prince romances gullible women across the globe.

And I watch The Bachelorette (aka jilted Bachelor contestant who should be viewed as sympathetic, not slutty). I tune in week after week, as dumb-as-rocks guys take a number for a night with her, like they’re standing on line in a deli.

Yes, I’ve seen every single (and I do mean SINGLE – these things never work out) one. Well, all but the one with that fisherman guy Byron, who routinely gets all beat up by his Bachelor babe. That one was a snoozer. Now, I’m not saying I’m particularly proud of my near-perfect Bachelor/ette viewing record. But it is what it is.

So it should come as NO shock that I watched all 3 hours of bachelor-y goodness last night, and will watch another hour tonight. Honestly, I don’t think I blinked once. And how could I?

I love that Crazy DeAnna and her comb-over showed up in New Zealand. I love that Jason set his “America’s Sweetheart Single Dad” title on fire. I love that Mandy Moore lookalike Melissa called him a bastard on national TV. I love that Jason turned into the Waaaa-chelor as he broke down in sobs and proclaimed, “I hate myself for doing this!” I love that Doormat Molly practically leapt out of her polyester dress at the chance to be his #2 (Or is it #3 if you count DeAnna? Or #4 if you count his wife??). And I REALLY love Chris Harrison’s wide-eyed surprised bird face, when he knew how this would shake out all along.

THIS is why I watch the show -- for the drama! Sure, Jason is a TOTAL d-bag. Who cares? I’m not going to date him (too short). Some say it’s scripted. I say, so what?! If I want to watch average people leading ordinary lives, I’ll put a camera in my living room and watch myself eat a Lean Cuisine.

I think I’ll stick with the Bachelor. For once, Chris Harrison had it right. Because this was -- without a doubt -- the MOST shocking rose ceremony EVER (that is, if you didn’t read any of the internet rumors, which all predicted this would happen).

And now Brad “No Thanks” Womack is no longer the most hated Bachelor in the show’s history. A shocking twist, indeed!