Finger Lickin’ Good

For a while now, tiny food has been the trend. From burger sliders to 100-calorie snack packs, everyday foods have downsized. And I’ve enjoyed the miniature movement (mainly because it makes me feel like a giant).

Slowly, though, big foods are creeping back. Maybe it’s a sign of the times -- get more for less.

The trailblazer was probably Mega M&Ms but they are a mega letdown. Recently, my brother tipped me off to Giant Cheetos and I was skeptical. After all, a Cheeto the size of a small lemon accidentally appeared in someone’s bag a few years back (a spokesperson chalked it up to “Seasoning Accumulation,” calling the orb “beyond dangerously cheesy”).

This time, however, it is intentional. And it IS fun to think about a Giant Cheeto the size of a beach ball, or even a baseball. But if you are expecting that, you will be disappointed. If, however, you always dreamed of eating a cheesy corn snack roughly the size of a golf ball, allow me to submit a Giant Cheeto for your chewing pleasure.

Chester Cheetah and I have always been pretty tight. I am a bit of a doodle connoisseur. I like them crunchy. And I like them puffy. And now… I like them giant. (PS: I do NOT like the Natural Cheeto -- that is what I call, a waste of time-o).

Anyway, I had a mini sleeve of 5 Giant Cheetos, and not once did I have the urge to jam all 5 in my mouth at once just to see if they could fit (yes, I did). In a nutshell, it is a big-ass ball of cheese. It still turns your fingers bright orange, an unfortunate side effect (much like the exploding dye pack on expensive clothing or stolen money) that makes it futile to deny eating the whole bag.

I do feel like if I ate a regular-sized bag, they just might rub the roof of my mouth raw. But in small doses, they are good times.

So I ask, why stop at the humble Cheeto? Here’s my list of junk foods that I’d like to see jumbo size:

1) I’d like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup the size of a manhole cover
2) I’d like a Combo the size of a fireplace log
3) I’d like a strawberry frosted Pop-Tart the size of a pillowcase
4) I’d like a Dorito the size of a boomerang
5) I’d like a vanilla McDonald’s milkshake served in a bucket (complete with a harness for hands-free snack enjoyment)

Anything you’d like to super size?