And no, I wasn’t drinking. And thankfully, neither was he.
I was on my way home from dinner with my aunt and uncle. I was crossing 46th Street, and Santa was crossing 2nd Avenue. There was no sleigh in sight. But he had the wavy white hair, and a real beard, and the horn-rimmed glasses, and the belly full of jelly. He was trying to lay low in a gray wool overcoat, but he wore a bright red scarf, which I assume was Mrs. Claus’ handiwork.
He winked at me. And not in a dirty old man kind of way. It was more of a I-know-you-want-a-Verizon-iPhone-under-the-tree-Jenny-but-please-hang-tight-because-it’s-coming-soon-hopefully-in-January-or-maybe-February-but-definitely-by-June-at-the-latest-according-to-the-Wall-Street-Journal-and-they-oughta-know kind of way.
I might actually have missed the big guy, if some schmuck wasn’t leaning out the window of a Prius shouting, “Hey, Santa! Rudolph tastes grrrrreat with ketchup!”
I have no idea what that means.
Anyway, I bet jolly old Saint Nick was in town shopping for Jingle Jammies. They don’t have Old Navy at the North Pole.
But regardless of WHY he was here, I saw it as a sign that I should fill my Grinchy heart with the Christmas spirit. I also breathed a sigh of relief that I bought normal Christmas cards at Target last weekend and didn’t go with the homemade cards I’d originally planned to send. I’m pretty sure they would have landed me on the naughty list.
What would YOU think if you got either of these cards in the mail?
Yeah, I know. It’s probably for the best that I went the traditional route. Otherwise, my next blog post might have begun, “I’m pretty sure I had an intervention tonight...”
Oh and on a semi-relevant note, if you’re tired of listening to the same old Christmas carols year after year, you should totally download Target’s 14 fresh holiday songs for free. I’m particularly fond of Toy Jackpot by Blackalicious.
(I swear I haven’t been drinking. I HAVE been snorting mistletoe, but that’s really just to take the edge off. I mean, it’s not every day you see Santa Claus!)
Tell me about YOUR inappropriate holiday cards below…
tags: holidays, music