Lately I’ve been feeling dizzy, feverish, and nauseous. Is it the flu? Allergies? A bad tuna fish sandwich?
I have a crush. Well, if I’m being honest, it’s more like 6 crushes. I know! It’s still kinda early, so I don’t know where they will lead. But I’m hopeful…
We've moved pretty quickly. I met them all this year, and already we get together about once a week (not all at the same time, of course, I’m not that kind of girl!). And the beauty is, we never have to ruin the romance. Why?
Because they’re not real.
They’re in my TV! Oh, that’s the BEST kind of crush there is! Please, allow me to introduce:
Blaine, aka Darren Criss
This little Warbler has singlehandedly saved Glee for me. Even if he doesn’t play for my team, he’s my hands-down favorite part of the show. If you haven’t seen him belt out When I Get You Alone in the middle of a Gap in Ohio, you simply haven’t lived. I’m being dead serious. You need to watch it now. Right. Now. Yep, I’ll wait…. (sigh...). Now watch it again. See?! Amazing. Nobody rocks a navy blue blazer with red piping like Blaine. And before you get all crazy, he’s not actually IN high school. He’s like 24. Which makes me a cougar, not a criminal.
Parks & Rec
Ben, aka Adam Scott
Pawnee’s newest resident may be a financially responsible auditor now, but he got his start in local government as a boy mayor who was ousted for blowing the budget on a tourist attraction called, Ice Town. You have to love that. I’ve always been a fan of Adam Scott’s geekish charm, and while it’s cooler to say I fell for him in Party Down, the truth is, I realllly first remember him from Boy Meets World. My television repertoire is vast and varied.
Matt LeBlanc, aka Matt LeBlanc
This is not Joey “How YOU doin’?” Tribbiani, even if they both smell like cinnamon. Matt’s actually playing himself, or a version of himself, on this hilarious show about an American remake of a British show. Follow that? He’s all kinds of adorable here, even with gray hair. I’m only slightly weirded out by the fact that it looks like he’s gotten an eye job (either that, or he’s just really, really, REALLY surprised all the time), and the fact that we've been repeatedly told Matt has a giant package (a trait that Matt may or may not share with his character). The biggest tease here is that there were only 7 episodes in this mini-season. But the pilot they were filming on this show-within-a-show got picked up, so… see you in September!
Damon, aka Ian Somerhalder
This crush has actually been smoldering for a while. But it’s only recently I’ve discovered that I tend to fast forward through most of this Twilight-inspired tween drama, just to focus on the parts he’s in. He’s evil and good looking. I’m helpless to resist. Besides, pretty much every episode goes like this: Elena puts herself in danger, Stefan takes a break from brooding to rescue her, Elena resists getting them both in a jam, random sub-plot with werewolf and/or witchy hijinks ensue, Damon somehow rescues BOTH Stefan and Elena, then looks longingly at her. As you can see, I’m not really missing much.
Lip, aka Jeremy Allen White
Ok, ok, I think this one actually IS a kid. Like under 18. So I won’t say anything here except that you should be watching Shameless, 10pm Sunday nights on Showtime.
(And Lip steals the show.)
Crystal, aka Allison Janney
Admittedly, this is an odd choice. After all, she is… a she. But I cannot get enough of Crystal the clueless, heartless, clown-fearing owner of the Sunshine Center. Last week, she was figure skating with Papa Smurf, the week before the humidity in San Diego did something so bad to her hair that by the time the episode was over, she looked like Peter Brady. It’s so great to see the funny side of CJ. I heart her.
So those are my crushes. Swoon. Is it love? I’m going to go with no. Crushes are fleeting. And apparently, so is love. I mean who can really say, “I will always love you”? AL-WAYS. As in forever. Nobody. Except maybe Whitney Houston, and she’s high on crack.
Ok, so I may be a bit damaged. Like a dented soup can. But for now, I have my TV crushes to keep me company.
Anyone else in a 2-dimensional, 1-sided affair?