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Roseland Ballroom. Primus. Floor Seats. Mosh Pit. Me.

Which one of these things doesn’t belong?  If you said, ME, you really couldn’t be more wrong.

Don't believe me?  Have we met?  I'm not all pearls and sensible shoes, you know (yes I am).  My concert history isn't ALL Bon Jovi and Dave Matthews and Hootie & the Blowfish and Celine Dion (she really does put on a helluva show). 


I almost saw Radiohead and the White Stripes once.  I HAVE seen Tool and Nine Inch Nails.  On purpose, even! 

So when my brother invited me to see Primus with him on Friday night because his buddy bailed out, I was, of course, down for an adventure.  How could I resist? Me and Primus are like peanut butter & jelly.

Ok, okaaaay, more like peanut butter and onions. But whatevs.  I'll always jump at the chance to hang out with my (not so little) brother, and we had a total blast. 

It was an illuminating evening in Primusville... here's 5 life lessons I learned at the show:

1. The band I thought was Primus… wasn’t.
All day long, I had an angry metal song stuck in my head, I'm doing the best I ever did.  I'm doing the best that I can.  When I told my brother that Whatever was the only Primus song I knew, his eyes just about popped out of his head.  Turns out, that's Godsmack.  Huh.  Oops?  Then he played, Jerry Was a Racecar Driver, and I realized THAT was the only Primus song I knew.

2. My idea of edgy… isn’t.
See that shiny silver-ish foot sticking out from a very wide pant leg?  That's me.  I thought this getup would help me blend in with the natives.  Unfortunately, my fashion sense is a step past Amish and I don’t own the appropriate clothes/footwear to swim in this pool.

3. My thought that I can go beer for beer with a guy… can’t.
First, there was the 6-pack we split at my apt.  Nothing but the finest (Bud Light).  Then, there were the beers at dinner.  Next, came the giant bar at Roseland.  By the time I nearly cut my thumb off while whipping up late-nite snacks for us back at my apt, I remembered a lesson hard-learned in college: I do NOT have a hollow leg.  Luckily, homemade BBQ chicken quesadillas eaten at 1am soak up quite a lot of alcohol.

4. My worry that I’m too old and no longer cute… shouldn’t.
It's amazing what hanging out in a room loaded with stinky, hairy dudes does for your self-esteem.  Suddenly, you're a supermodel!  It was literally 200 to 1 in there, so flashing my pearly whites just after the intermission equaled a 1-way-ticket to the VIP balcony.  Always a quick thinker, my first question (to the bouncer) was, can my brother come?  My second question (to my brother) was, do you have a $20?  Ahhh.  Worth every penny.

5. The concert I was afraid might suck… didn’t.
See that big red thing behind us?  That's the bar.  That helped.  And sure, I didn't REALLY understand the giant inflatable astronauts that flanked the stage.  Or the screen behind the stage that showed film of car crashes and albino flying squirrels and kids playing Ring Around the Rosie.  Or the fact that the fans chant, "Primus Sucks," and that's a good thing.  Or the exceptionally long Popeye cartoon that ran during intermission.  OR the Willy Wonka theme song that played while we exited the ballroom.  But the concert was awesome, nevertheless. 

I'm pretty sure that had more to do with the company I was with than anything else.  Plus the beer.  But mostly... the company.  Good times!

So, what's the strangest concert YOU've ever been to?  (Bonus points if you could actually identify their hit songs.)

tags: city life, music


chris said...

I saw Glee in oncert and felt like a pedophile. I cant imagine u at Primus!

Kevin said...

Can we please go drinking so you can cook for me??? I didn't realize the F.U. tradition of midnight chicken cutlets and salad lived on. My least proud concert moment was Van Halen circa 1998 with Gary Cherone. Awful.

Anonymous said...

NKOTBSB (please don't tell my husband I told him I was at a charity benefit for the Museum of Modern Art)

Anonymous said...

Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana Best of Both World Concert in 3D. Ohh the things you do for your kids. :)

chris said...

Hi. Do you know what else Primus fans chant?????? NEW POST!!! NEW POST!!! NEW POOOSSSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!!

Jenny From The 'Brook said...

Chris: Funny guy.

Kev: Yes!

Anon #1: Wow. I'd take that one to the grave.

Anon #2: That's devotion!