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Hey, You Never Know

I don’t think I’ve ever bought a lottery ticket. But I got one today!

Actually, I bought 7. One Mega Millions ticket each for me, my parents, my brother and sis-in-law, and the kids. That felt like a lucky number – my mom was born on the 7th day of the 7th month, and our last name starts with G, which happens to be the 7th letter of the alphabet.

I let the machine pick them, and the friendly guy behind the counter even wished me good luck.  Thanks, buddy!

Apparently I have a better chance of being in a car collision with a deer AND getting a hole in one in golf AND drowning then getting revived AND being attacked by a shark and surviving than I do of winning this lottery (176M to 1).  But I’ll take it.

Like the little guy says, “Hey, you never know.”

Until 11pm when the numbers are chosen, anything is possible. I could still win! And if I did snag this $640M jackpot (the biggest EVER), here’s how I would spend the first 7 days:

DAY 1: I’d buy a wig and a fake moustache. Another thing you never know is when you'll need a disguise. 

DAY 2: I’d take the lump sum payout of $462M and give Uncle Sam his 25% taste.  I'll pay my NY taxes too, but only if Bloomberg would personally come pick it up.  I'll be at the original Shake Shack eating my weight in crinkle fries.

DAY 3: I’d fill my 550sqft apartment with $100 bills.  Then I'd invite my family over for a dip in the money pool, while shouting, Oprah-style: “YOU get ten million dollars! And YOU get TEN million dollars! And YOU GET TENNNNN MILLLLLIONNNN DOOOOLLARRRRS!”

DAY 4: I’d get another BMW X3 with its glorious panoramic moonroof, and we'd all cruise on out to Pine Brook to buy our old house back. Just walk up and ring the bell, checkbook in hand. Name your price, lady.

DAY 5: I’d buy every exit on the Garden State Parkway. At each tollbooth, there would be a cardboard-cutout of me, which people could High-5 as they drove through for free.

DAY 6: I’d get myself a man-servant. I may never have a husband, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to throw out the trash and change light bulbs for the rest of my life.  I will call him Jeeves.

DAY 7: On the 7th day, I would rest. And by rest, I mean retire. To my own island.  Aloha.

So before some toothless bozo from Podunk, West Virgina wins and kills all our dreams, what would YOU do with $640M?

tags: pop culture


Chris said...

I WON!!!!!

CHris said...


Anonymous said...

I think I would still keep my job if I won the lottery. I feel like you have to earn your money.

Kevin said...

Did you win and drop off the face of Earth? Blog woman! :)

Jenny From The 'Brook said...

Chris: Congrats! Hope you didn't spend it all in one place.

Anon: I call bullshit.

Kev: I wish! Yes, will try to be a better blogger...