We're Not In Pine Brook Anymore

new york looks prettiest from new jersey

5/23/2012

Flight Plan

I’ve taken a bunch of trips over the last month – Los Angeles, Atlanta, and of course, Del Boca Vista. That's over 9K miles flown on Delta, American, United, and my beloved Jet Blue.

All this time in the sky has reminded me how much I love to travel. And how I really need to get my 50 state road trip back on track so my buddy, Jodi, and I can explore another new city.

And, how neurotic I can be.

Surely it can’t come as a surprise that the girl who has a pre-date ritual which involves dumping (clean) undies on her couch, might also pack a few quirks in her carryon…

For instance, my bag is ready at least 2 days before every trip so I have at least 1 day to remember the things I forgot. Also, I’d sooner ride in the luggage compartment than check a bag.

Ok, that doesn’t sound too bad. Still within the range of normal, right?

Now, run these through your security scanner:

In the Air:
  • I require a window seat, because I hate getting up for people
  • I am afraid that if I get up and walk around the plane, my weight will throw it off its course and we’ll go down
  • I avoid going to the restroom because I fear a change in cabin pressure will suction my ass to the seat
  • I have been known to pretend I don’t speak English to avoid talking to the person sitting next to me
  • I am incapable of sleeping in public, so I never nap on planes
  • I don’t ever drink alcohol in-flight because I feel I need my wits about me at all times
  • I never touch the tray or the materials in the seat pocket because I’m convinced they are covered in microscopic fecal matter
In the Hotel Room:
  • I immediately strip the bed of blankets, throw pillows, and anything else not regularly washed
  • I inspect every inch of the bed and the shower for stray hairs
  • I order extra towels, as I require a minimum of 3 bath towels and 1 hand towel after I shower
  • I locate the hairdryer and check the accuracy of the clock on the nightstand
  • I grab a glass, but I never drink out of it – I use it to hold my jewelry
  • I disinfect the remote (oh my Lord of the Rings, you do NOT want to know what lurks on those buttons)
  • I check the adjoining room lock(s) and flip the latch on my door so no one can ambush me with turndown service
  • I read the room service menu, even if I’m not ordering, so I know what food I can get in a hunger emergency

These are just the things I'm aware of.  Imagine all the things I don't even know I'm doing! 

So, am I flying solo on this?  Do YOU step off the plane and scrub your skin raw with antibacterial soap and a wire BBQ brush?

Check YOUR travel neuroses below...


tags: travel
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6 comments:

Anonymous said...

:) I do all of these things and thensome. I also don't let my feet touch the carpet in my hotel room. Yuch!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I dont Fly I always travel by Train or Car or Bus or Boat. I'm O.K. with drowing not falling. LOL

Chris said...

Here are mine: ;)

1) I always wear the same outfit when I fly, pilots have a uniform and so should I.
2) I like to take my shoes off on the plane, I do not think my feet smell.
3) I buy postcards that I never send because they are better than the photos I can take.

Anonymous said...

Your are weird.

Anonymous said...

How do you feel about touching the buttons on the armrest of your chair on a plane?

Jenny From The 'Brook said...

Anon #1, #2, and Chris: Love it.

Anon #3: I might be weird, but I am also able to differentiate between "you are," "your," and the non-existent "your are."

Anon #4: I do not feel good about them, and have been known to swab them with a antibacterial wipe.