We're Not In Pine Brook Anymore

new york looks prettiest from new jersey

10/17/2012

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You know, I love my social media.  I have Facebook open all day long.  For work.

Mostly.

And I pop on from time to time at home during nights and weekends too.

My favorite thing is seeing all the pics of people's kids (except when they’re on the potty – my eyes!), and their pets (eh…), and the cinnamon bun somebody just ate that looked EXACTLY like Justin Bieber (it was like his twin!!).

But there are a few types of people on Facebook that I kind of loathe.


Maybe you know these people too?


THE POLITICO
I would really like to still be friends with all my friends on Nov 7th. So PLEASE pipe down with the amateur political analysis, lame photo captions, misquoted soundbites, and insulting running commentary. They like their guy. I like my guy. Or maybe we even like the same guy. Just zip it! Binders and Big Bird and the 47%. Birth certificates and liberal media and apology tours. It’s all baloney. Jobs. Debt. Healthcare. Defense. We have some serious issues to vote on, and the guy who gets elected will be everybody’s President, not just the folks who voted for him. So take the passion to the polls and keep it out of my newsfeed. (And get off my lawn!)


THE RELENTLESS PROMOTER
I know a few people who have started small businesses. One friend from an old job launched a t-shirt company in India. Another friend from high school started a cookie company in Jersey. An old boss/dear friend created a magnificent motel in the Catskills. That’s all cool. I like their updates. What isn’t cool is the acquaintance -- also from an old job -- who does nothing but post 200 times/day about her clients. “Princess Sassafrass* (*not a real name) just wrote this charming blog post, read it now and laugh your tutu off!” “Princess Sassafrass is appearing at a bus stop in Boston – all my Beantown peeps, ride the bus and show some luv.” “Princess Sassafrass is walking for a cure, donate today to rid the world of sadness and meanies!” You know what? This clueless bozo has now signed me up for Princess Sassafrass’s email newsletter! That’s where I draw the line. UNSUBSCRIBE!


THE HUMBLE BRAGGART
(This one might seem strange coming from me. After all, this is a personal blog.  I may as well be a 12-year-old with a diary, bacne, and a poster of Edward Cullen over my bed. But stick with me for a sec…)  “Ugh, I hate being inconvenienced by my brownstone reno #guessitstakeoutagain.” “Man, am I jetlagged from the trip to Tahiti #somebodygatorademe.” “Sucks when you don’t look as good as your bookcover #shouldawashedmyhair.” I’m sick to death of all this false modesty. No more: “Waaah, my diamond shoes are too tight.” Don’t be coy! I only want to see: “Eff-yeah! I’m so RICH I wear diamonds on my FEET. Boom.” Sure, I’ll still unfriend you, but I won’t want to give you a wedgie (though I *may* steal a shoe).


Maybe I’m cranky. Hey, did I mention, last week I had a meeting at Facebook’s Madison Ave offices? I was totally overdressed, sipping on free lemonade, contemplating the writing on the wall. It said, “Proceed and Be Bold.” So I stuck my resume in their binder.

Annoying, right? Told ya!

(Ok, okaaaay. That’s annoying too.)

Alright, rant over.  Tell me how YOU handle these folks...





tags: politics, polls, technology
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