We're Not In Pine Brook Anymore

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4/02/2017

Choose Your Words

This weekend I've been getting shit done.

Errands mostly.  Some important.  Some annoying.  But it just feels good to check these things off a list!

So, I went for blood work and I got my teeth cleaned (the dentist also told me I need a root canal -- crap).  I got my taxes done.  I stopped the cable box inside my closet from beeping (no thanks to Verizon).  And I returned a leather jacket, a rain jacket, wedges and a pair of sneakers because apparently, I am the Goldilocks of late night online shopping.

My to-do list is to-done.

Another thing that's been nagging at me is writing a new blog post.  I guess I just haven't felt super creative lately. But I'm jumping back in right now with a post on... words.

Words?  Yes, words.

Stick with me for a sec.

Whenever I write a post, it generally takes me about 20 mins to bang out whatever I want to say.  But then, I spend another hour or so choosing my words.  I read it, and reread it, tightening it up as I go.  Looking for a better way to turn a phrase.  Finding the best lines to emphasize.  Spellchecking.

In honor of this process, I've come up with a list of words I hate and why they stink so bad.  Here are the 6 cringeworthiest words in the English language:
  1. MOIST. This one is universally hated -- that's not me, that's science.
  2. SOIL. Ick.  Just say shit or crap or dirt.  Much less offensive.
  3. YOLK.  This one is personal.  I despise eggs and everything about them.
  4. PHLEGM. Fun to spell, disgusting to say.  And every time I see this goopy spit on a sidewalk, it makes me want to cover it in vomit. 
  5. PANTIES. I feel like a pervert even typing it. Just ew.
  6. OINTMENT. Nothing good can come from needing to use this. I want no part of it.

While we're at it, here are 6 words I find just plain annoying:
  1. LITERALLY. Using this word is literally the worst because it's never followed by something literal. As such, it is also a clear signal someone is lying.
  2. ARTISINAL. I believe it is Latin for pretentious asshole.
  3. WHILST. An email I received last week used this ridiculous word. Then I saw they were British. And I was like... ok.
  4. VAJAYJAY. This nonsense is actually in the DICTIONARY.  Make it stop before my head explodes.
  5. IRREGARDLESS. Not really a word.
  6. SUPPOSIBLY. Definitely not a word. If you say this, we can't be friends anymore.  Literally.

Ah, that's better.  Let's end on a high note with 6 words I love:
  1. KERFUFFLE. My favorite word for a fuss or a disagreement.
  2. DEBACLE. When kerfuffle isn't enough to do justice to the disaster at hand.
  3. SHITSHOW.  The perfect storm of everything gone wrong.  A situation that's so chaotic and insane it's practically entertainment.
  4. NUGGET. My favorite way to describe something small and adorable.
  5. WONKY or JANKY. My favorite way to describe something effed up without offending anyone.
  6. TCHOTCHKE. While I have no need for cheap trinkets, this one is fun to say AND fun to blow people's minds when they realize it's not spelled chachki.


So, what are YOUR favorite words?  Choose your own below.

And don't say fuck.  That's obvious.


tags: rants, writing
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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Anonymous said...

Grossest words ever:
Ooze
Secrete
Fester
Discharge
Mucus
Belly
Clot
Queef
Loaf
Bunion

Anonymous said...

MOIST IS THE WORST

chris said...

Your back!!! This list made me laugh but you forgot a few......
fester, maggot, mucus, slurp, snot, dingleberry

Jessica said...

This made me laugh, thanks I needed that! I have a new category for you: words that have letters we ignore when we say aloud.

1. February
2. Often.

Nobody pronounces the R or the T!

JOE S said...

CREVICE

Krissy said...

Here's one...... BLUMPKIN. Grossssss.

Anonymous said...

Hate people who say Lit-tra-lee, like they are British, but they are not.