To My Future Boyfriend

Everyone in my company got a red rose today, which was SUCH a sweet gesture.

As I was chopping my longstem rose down to put it in water (aka my makeshift Coke cup vase), something occurred to me: It's been a while since I've gotten flowers on V-Day.

Like, a long while.

I'm sure that has NOTHING to do with my superficial dating criteria that you be over 6ft tall and have dark eyes and hair (on your head).

Or, the fact that I almost never go on dates anymore.

But I am thinking about it. For reals.

And when I do meet the right guy (aka YOU), here are ten things you should know...

1. I'm very independent.  Some say too independent.  So the fact is, I'll rarely need your help and I probably won't ever ask for it. Unless I need to open a jar.  Then, I promise I'll come knocking.  I mean, the salsa doesn't serve itself!
2. I may not like to get help, but I LOVE to give it.  I am a fixer, so I'll want to do nice things for you and help you solve your problems. Just let me do it and pretend to take my advice.  It comes from a good place.  
3. I won't ask you to buy me expensive things.  I buy those myself.  In fact, I think we should share most expenses.  Except our first date.  That's on you.
4. I'm an affectionate person, but I probably won't kiss you on our first date. When we do, I wholeheartedly believe in the 90/10 rule.
5. I don't like an overly manscaped man.  I mean, we should both handle our own yardwork, but I'M supposed to be the one without any chest hair, not you.
6. I appreciate the little things -- so open my doors, say "bless you" when I sneeze, and ask me to call or text when I get home.  It's not really about the manners (though I'm glad if you know the bread is on the left and the drink is on the right).  It's about the sentiment behind it that says you care. About me. Not Emily Post. Eff her.
7. I'll do anything for my family and close friends, and generally put their needs above my own. So I'll understand if there are people in your life that you need to prioritize above us.  Same goes for work. After all, we need to pay for the amazing adventures we're about to have.
8. I'm on friendly terms with all my exes but one, and I'm a super loyal open book. I won't give you any reason to question me. That should be mutual.  
9. I don't believe in soulmates. They were invented by Hallmark and the government.  I DO believe that compatible people are put in our path and it's up to us to recognize them and grow together.
10. My endgame isn't marriage. That doesn't mean I won't want to marry you.  I might.  But I might not.  Either way, YOU will definitely want to marry ME.  I'm a serious catch.

Did I mention you also need to think I'm funny?

Until we meet...

love,
jen

PS: While we're at it, I hope you aren't a baby talker, bad speller, sidewalk spitter or terrible tipper.

PPS: Also, I don't like grocery store assorted flower bunches. If you buy them, I will still love them because they came from you. But I will love them more if they are plain yellow roses without baby's breath, ferns or other gross fillers mucking it up. Grocery stores sell those too.  Just sayin.

PPPS: If we ever do meet and you read this, I will be mortified.  Unless you think it's cute, which will secretly make me love you even more.