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11/09/2010

Tinkle Town

I planned to come home tonight and blog. Sorry it’s been a while.

I flew down to FL last week to take my mom to some dr appointments. While watching TV on the plane I saw this ridiculous commercial for something called Pajama Jeans, and I found it hilarious. I didn’t sleep a ton while I was away, so I saw a lot of late night infomercials selling equally ridiculous and unnecessary products. I started thinking about writing another As Seen on TV post.

And I will.

But tonight, I just have to share what I saw on my way home…

When I left work a little after 6, it was cold and dark. I was outside my office building and feeling pretty good for avoiding stepping on a squishy roach in the middle of 45th street. I was flipping through songs on my iPod when I happened to look up and see a middle-aged woman ahead.

She was well-lit because she was standing in the doorway of a pretty posh deli, which was closing up for the night. I noticed the woman was wearing a brown tweed skirt, nude nylons, and white granny panties.

I know the color of her underwear, because they were around her ankles.

Just incase my retinas weren't completely burnt yet, I could also see her skirt was hiked up over her bare ass, which then gave me a clear view of the glass mug she was peeing in. While standing on the sidewalk. In the doorway of a deli. PEEING! 

Something tells me the mug didn’t say “World’s Greatest Mom” on the flipside.

In one swift motion, I saw her dump the mug out, midstream, and start to fill it again. She must not have peed for a week. At this point, I was passing by her, completely HORRIFIED. I couldn’t even hide it. I shouted, “Holy shit!” when my brain finally connected these disgusting dots, but she was unphased by me or by the owner of the deli who was now banging on the window. He was wildly waving a head of lettuce at her – I’m pretty sure that’s the universal symbol for "please stop pissing on my store."

Um, really lady?

I’ve seen many, many, MANY guys pee outside. Sometimes you witness the act itself, and sometimes it’s just the wet spot. And I don’t care if they’re homeless dudes or frat boys, I don't think twice about it. I practically expect it. But it’s not every day you see a woman take a leak on a sidewalk.

We have shattered the porcelain ceiling.  Women have officially become disgusting. 

I need to look no further than the restroom in my own office building to see just how disgusting the fairer sex can be. It’s astonishing to me how many women don’t flush. Is this environmental?  It certainly isn't hygienic.  And you’re lucky, if it’s pee! At least once a week, I walk into a stall clogged with poo – or worse, blood. Ewww. It’s like toilet roulette. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the time I walked in on a woman washing her whole body in our sinks at 9am. Isn’t that something you should do at home?

If this uncivilized behavior happens in an office of professional people, no wonder it’s chaos in the streets!

Watch out for puddles...


tags: city life, gross

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. You didn't label this one gross for nothin. Ewww is right!!!

Anonymous said...

And Jersey has a bad reputation? HA! At least moms don't pee in the streets here! ;-)

Roger said...

I'm amused at the fact that she had the courtesy to use a mug in the first place, but then dumped the mug out. Why not cut out the middle man if you're whizzing in the street anyway?

chris said...

On the topic of toilets, this just in from Gawker:

Signs have been installed in the restrooms of the new City Hall in Chandler, Arizona warning residents not to drink the water from the urinals and the toilets.

http://gawker.com/5687148/arizona-town-warns-its-residents-dont-drink-from-the-toilet

Jenny From The 'Brook said...

Anon #1: I call 'em like I see 'em.

Anon #2: Seriously! Jersey is so misunderstood.

Rog: Ha -- maybe she was concerned about the splash factor. Middle-aged ladies, who may be fine with peeing in public, draw the line at soggy nylons.

Chris: That is just insane. Is this really an issue? Toilet drinking???