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2/15/2012

Stupid Cupid

So Valentine’s Day was yesterday. My Valentine is like Feb 30th.

Doesn’t exist.

But I’m not bitter. Ok, maybe I’m a little bitter. But mostly I’m relieved to avoid obligatory participation in this day of impossible expectations.

You might be saying, that's because I date all the wrong guys.  You won't get any argument from me!  The best gift V-Day I ever got was a Whatchamacallit from my boyfriend Sophmore year.  In college.  I'm not even sure we were officially dating at the time.

Sigh.

Anyway more often than not, it's a letdown. Maybe your roses came from a deli. Or maybe your husband had all the subtlety of a baboon when he gave you a hot pink bag containing Victoria’s skimpiest secret. Or just maybe, your idea of true romance is a night spent alone huffing glue in a black rubber suit.

No matter.

All any of us needs to feel better about ourselves is to look at country music. Regardless of what went south with your Tuesday night, these poor saps ALWAYS have it worse.

Don't believe me?  Saddle up and check out these real song titles:


I’ve Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart
by Johnny Cash



Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
by John Denver



You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty



I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuuk
by the Geezinslaw Bros.



Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
by Roy Clark



Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
by Ruby Wright



I’m Gonna Hire a Wino (To Decorate Our Home)
by David Frizzell




Oh, and here's my favorite. I couldn’t track down the singer, probably because it’s FAR too awesome to be real:


I’m Sorry I Made You Cry, But at Least Your Face Is Clean
by ???




Well, I guess Cupid got it wrong. Again. Nice shot, you big fat baby!

I'm also fairly certain I have some bad Cupid karma floating out there from a recent first (and last) date.  Remind me to tell you about it sometime. 

So has my all-but-certain future of moth balls, couch doilies and 14 cats made me cynical?  Or do you agree that V-Day is more fizzle than sizzle? 

Pour YOUR heart out below...


tags: dating, holidays, music

7 comments:

Jessica said...

Bad Cupid Karma? Do tell!!!

Anonymous said...

funny and agree

Chris said...

Got to love country music. Here is my favorite song title
If My Nose Were Full Of Nickles I’d Blow It All On You

Anonymous said...

BE MY VALENTINE

Chris said...

Did you fall into a well? New Post Woman!!! :)

Jenny From The 'Brook said...

Jess: By now I'm sure you've read it, but it was the London Calling post.

Anon #1 and #2: Thanks!

Chris: That is awesome. And yes, I did fall in a well. Thank God for Lassie.

Jesica m said...

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