When it comes to TV, it's no secret that I have the tastes of a 14 year old girl. Sue me.
So, it should come as no surprise that my DVR is well-acquainted with the CW. I never miss Privileged, the new 90210, or the network’s crown jewel, Gossip Girl.
Last night’s episode -- nay, masterpiece -- was riveting. I don’t think I blinked for an hour. And I’m not the only one swooning over GG -- NY Magazine writes the most delicious weekly recaps and officially declared it the Best. Show. Ever. Truer words have never been spoken.
If you’re not watching this show, you really should be. All the cool kids are doing it. Here’s why:
1. Blair Waldorf & Chuck Bass. I could watch Queen Bee and the Basshole spar forever. Even after their teary, vulnerable moments last night, I hope they never get together. Their angry chemistry leaps off the screen, and they always have the smartest, juiciest, meanest lines on the show. Why ruin all that venom-y goodness with love?
2. Dorota. How can you not adore this pie-faced house frau? She’s at her best when she’s trailing behind Miss Blair, doing all her dirty work. Dorota’s devotion runs deep -- she even joined Facebook! This tireless woman needs her own spin-off. I’d love to get a glimpse at the inner workings of the Waldorf mansion.
3. Spotted: Serena van der Woodsen’s boobs. Lately, they’ve become their own character (characters?). She can’t even put them away at a funeral! I’m certain that any minute, one is going to fall out of her grossly age-inappropriate tops. Do you really want to miss that?
4. Dan “I carried the garment bag” Humphrey. He’s awkward and angsty. Just like a teenager should be. And he’s a chip off the old block. Who can resist when his dad, Rufus, gets all Lincoln Hawk in his rose-embroidered black shirt? He’s awkward and aged. Just like a washed up rocker should be. The van der Woodsen women have cast quite a spell on those melancholy Humphries!
5. Limos and labels and liquor – oh my! Who doesn’t want to look inside the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite? I know I do. Maybe I’ll learn a few tricks…
(While I’m making a list, let me also put out into the universe that Serena’s new distraction, Aaron Rose, must go. I am NOT a fan. He looks like he smells.)
So tune in. It’ll be our secret.