Germs Make Me Sick

So I’ve been trying to mind my own business with this Swine Flu epidemic (only occasionally staring suspiciously at those who so much as sniffle). And I’m ok with my odds. I mean, how many millions of people live in NYC? Eight maybe? And there’s only been a couple of hundred confirmed cases of the dreaded flu in the whole entire US. I can live with that.

But do you know what stat really makes my skin crawl? The fact that the average desktop computer carries 400x more bacteria than the average toilet seat.

Hold up.

You mean MY keyboard? The same one I’m using to type on RIGHT NOW? Dirtier than a TOILET? Are we talking a public toilet, or the one in my house? And what about my mouse? Or my phone? Or my desk?

Blech. It’s enough to make me call in sick to my stomach.

We just moved offices at work, so I took the opportunity to give my keyboard a good shake shake shake. And it’s true -- it was not clean, but it wasn’t exactly a budding Chia Pet of Filth either.

I freed an inordinate amount of gray fuzz, a bunch of eyelashes (?) that I can only assume were mine, and slightly fewer poppy and sesame seeds than you’d find on an everything bagel.

Nasty gunk? Yes. Worse than a toilet? Not quite.

Of course, the biggest biohazards are what you DON’T see. For instance, it doesn’t matter that you wash your hands after you use the restroom. Chances are, you touch something on your way out -- the faucet, the paper towel rack, the door handle -- that’s just littered with bacteria from people (dirty dogs) who haven’t. That sneaky bacteria is just waiting to come along for the ride back to your desk. Which I’m sure it does.

Wheeee!

Another major culprit is eating lunch at your desk. Wayward crumbs encourage bacteria growth, which IS unfortunate because Dining al Desko is something I do pretty much every day.

Suddenly, my office is a bacteria cafeteria.

Well played, old germ. Well played.

The moral of the story? The 5-Second Rule is now officially off when something falls on your desk. Turns out, you’re much safer licking a toilet.