Cuckoo for Nosferatu

I’m on this vampire kick.

I was helpless to resist the marketing machine behind Twilight. I broke down in March and bought the DVD alongside millions of “young adults,” for whom the series was originally written. Luckily I look younger than my advanced age of 35 (being plump = no wrinkles!). So I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, went to Best Buy, and tried to blend in. (I stopped short of popping in my retainer, mainly because it cracked about 20 years ago, when I actually WAS a young adult.)

Well, the movie was the gateway drug that lead me to the Stephanie Meyer books… which reminded me how much I liked True Blood… which then turned into a quest to find the mysteries by Charlaine Harris that inspired that series… which made me re-watch season 1 on DVD… which now brings me to HBO to watch season 2 that just started on Sunday night.

I think I’ve been glamoured.

Someone recently asked me which I liked better, Twilight or True Blood? It was as if they’d asked me the meaning of life. I really couldn’t answer. It’s not a Coke or Pepsi (Coke, but shhhh don’t tell my bro), Yankees or Mets (Yanks), Blair or Serena (Blair, all the way) kind of a question.

So, here’s my attempt at driving a stake into the heart of the issue -- in the hopes of finding my FF (favorite fang):

Fan Investment:
>> Twilight: 4 hardcover books (2,560 pages), plus a movie franchise
>> True Blood: 7 paperback books (2,179 pages), plus a TV series
>> Winner: Twilight, those fans are lunatics
Score: Twilight – 1, True Blood – 0

Spooky Location:
>> Twilight: stormy Forks, Washington
>> True Blood: swampy Bon Temps, Louisiana
>> Winner: True Blood, what’s better than voodoo in the bayou?
Score: Twilight – 1, True Blood – 1

Moody Theme Song:
>> Twilight: “Decode” by Paramore is haunting and intense
>> True Blood: “Bad Things” by Jace Everett is southern and supernatural
>> Winner: Twilight, but only by a smidge
Score: Twilight – 2, True Blood – 1

Vampire Legends:
>> Twilight: They live among us, but in secret. Can’t be seen in sunlight or else their skin sparkles like diamonds. They don’t sleep, ever. While most drink human blood, more evolved vamps consider themselves to be vegetarians by drinking only from animals. And they join forces with werewolves to fight crimes.
>> True Blood: They are out of the coffin, so to speak, and are a known part of the general population. Can’t be seen in the sunlight or else they burst into flames. They do sleep in coffins. While they prefer human blood, in order to mainstream with society they mainly drink synthetic bottled blood (flavored Type O, A, B, AB) from Japan. And they join forces with shape-shifters to fight crimes.
>> Winner: True Blood, seems more real, in an impossible kind of way
Score: Twilight – 2, True Blood – 2

Lead Vamp:
>> Twilight: Edward Cullen, born in 1901, turned vampire at age 17, looks like he stepped off the pages of GQ
>> True Blood: Bill Compton, born in 1840, turned vampire at age 28, looks like he stepped off the pages of the Farmer’s Almanac
>> Winner: Twilight, I know he’s underage, but I'm all about Edward
Score: Twilight – 3, True Blood – 2

Damsel in Distress:
>> Twilight: Bella Swan, a clumsy 17 year old high school student
>> True Blood: Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic 25 year old waitress
>> Winner: True Blood, Sookie kicks ass
Score: Twilight – 3, True Blood – 3

Most Influential Secondary Character:
>> Twilight: Alice Cullen, Edward’s “sister,” who can see into the future
>> True Blood: Tie between Eric Northman, a vampire sheriff, who owns the local bar, Fangtasia; and Sam Merlotte, Sookie’s shape-shifting boss, who owns the local bar, Merlotte’s
>> Winner: True Blood, those boys are cooler
Score: Twilight – 3, True Blood – 4

Getting Down to Business:
>> Twilight: No sex until marriage
>> True Blood: All sex all the time
>> Winner: True Blood, for obvious reasons
Score: Twilight – 3, True Blood – 5

Getting Lost in the Story:
>> Twilight: When I wasn’t reading these books, I was thinking about reading them. I’m pretty sure I got thru 2500 pages in about 3 weeks.
>> True Blood: While the books are good, the show is better. I tried stockpiling a few episodes at a time, but I just couldn’t wait to watch.
>> Winner: Twilight, I could not put them down
Score: Twilight – 4, True Blood – 5

Staying True to the Story:
>> Twilight: Incredibly faithful retelling of book 1 by Catherine Hardwicke
>> True Blood: Incredibly creative retelling of book 1 by Alan Ball
>> Winner: Tie, they’re both true in their own ways. No points here.
Score: Twilight – 4, True Blood – 5

Feeling When it Ended:
>> Twilight: Totally sad
>> True Blood: Totally hungry (it was lunchtime)
>> Winner: Twilight, I really didn’t want it to end
Score: Twilight – 5, True Blood – 5


So sue me. I can’t decide. I love them both equally. Like two (blood-thirsty) children.

Anyone else having a Dracula moment? Or is it just me?