Dear Stores That Close on Thanksgiving,

We all have 80 bazillion Black Friday emails clogging up our inboxes. It's now an official holiday, so named for the day companies go "in the black" and start turning a profit for the year.

To make the most of it, stores once opened at 6am. Then, midnight. A few years ago Walmart upped the ante and said, "Pie is for jerks! WE open the night before!"

And now, that's become the norm.

Let's call it Gray Thursday.

So, today, instead of sitting down to turkey with the fam, lunatics will camp out in parking lots so they can stampede through store doors in desperate search of deals. And stores will staff up to handle the mobs they create.

Old Navy is even giving A MILLION DOLLARS to someone standing on line today when they open at 4pm.

On Thanksgiving.

This is abysmal.

There is one retail trend I actually like. This year, I see lots of stores advertising that they AREN'T open today.  That's as refreshing as the Alka Seltzer you'll surely need after you eat your weight in Stove Top.

I've gotten emails from DSW (see above), Crate & Barrel and Sur la Table all saying, "See you Friday. On Thursday, we feast!"  I've seen commercials for HomeGoods/TJ Maxx/Marshalls with a great message: Bring Back the Holidays.

If I was remotely outdoorsy, I also would have heard from REI.  They have decided they're closed on FRIDAY TOO so people can #optoutside and trade florescent lights and cash registers for sunshine and streams. Or something like that.

And why not?!

After all, there's a little thing called the Internet, which makes it possible to sit at your dining room table and shop in your underwear while gnawing on a turkey leg if that's what your greasy little heart desires.

Seriously, though, who needs to stand in line to elbow grannies out of the way for a "doorbuster" deal on a $5 crockpot, or clothesline a dude to save 80% on a super humongous big screen HDTV from a brand you've never heard?

I love a good sale as much as the next gal, but why would a retailer want me in their store, anyway?

In store I only buy what I can carry. Online, it's what the UPS and FedEx guys can carry. And that's limitless. Well, okaaay, maybe there are SOME limits...

But that's between me and my boyfriend, Amex.

Cyber Monday doesn't even make sense to me anymore.  It all started on a weekday because they thought people's internet connections were faster at work than at home. That's not true anymore. Plus, these deals run all month long. There will ALWAYS be another sale. And they'll keep on running thru Christmas. Until New Years.

We all get whipped up in these artificial demand frenzies. Because let's face it: Retailers are just scared of Amazon.

And they should be.

You might say these stores that can afford to close on Thanksgiving do so because they were never in the game to begin with.  On Black Friday, electronics, clothes, and toys take the cake (and the pumpkin pie).  Last time I checked, these guys sell shoes, and housewares, and canoes. Or whatever REI sells.

But I don't care.

I plan to go online this holiday weekend and throw an extra (wish)bone to the stores that are closed today.  Because they have their wallets AND their hearts in the right place.

Happy Turkey Day to you and yours.  May you eat your taters at a table and not on a line outside Target.

Gobble, gobble!


tags: commercials, holidays, rants