Spooky Getups to Skip

Does anyone dress up for Halloween anymore?

I don’t know. I probably haven’t in 10 years. At least. In fact, I wasn’t even in town for it last year!

But THIS year, it falls on a Saturday. So just in case you are headed to a party, or a parade, or you still go Trick-or-Treating (at your advanced age), here are some costumes you’ll probably want to avoid:

#1 - Don’t Be: Edward Cullen & Bella Swan
Do Be: Under-exposed, but equally blood-thirsty, Bill Compton & Sookie Stackhouse

#2 - Don’t Be: Bernie Madoff
Do Be: Suze Orman, who I hear also has a teeny weenie

#3 - Don’t Be: Betty & Don Draper
Do Be: Peggy Olson & Duck (don’t forget the post-sex cigarettes!)

#4 - Don’t Be: Billy Mays & a bucket of OxyClean
Do Be: Vince & a life-sized Slap Chop
(Incidentally, Mays’ SON is hosting this contest. I say, “Boo!”)

#5 - Don’t Be: Falcon “Balloon Boy” Heene and his crazy dad
Do Be: Max and any of the Wild Things who want to eat him

#6 - Don’t Be: Kanye West & Taylor Swift
Do Be: Bronson “Balki” Pinchot who recently started picking on Tom Cruise

#7 - Don’t Be: Kate Gosselin, mom of the year
Do Be: The table-flipping Real Housewife of NJ, Teresa Giudice

#8 - Don’t Be: Lady Gaga
Do Be: Amy Winehouse & her "fantastic" new boobs (bonus points for adding her creepy dad)

#9 - Don’t Be: Michael Jackson
Do Be: Weird Al, it’s about time for a comeback and Eat It was classic

#10 - Don’t Be: A Philly cheese steak or a New York cheesecake
Do Be: The last issue of Gourmet magazine, RIP

# 11 - Don’t Be: Sarah Palin
Do Be: Franken-Biden, just paint yourself green and scare the kids

#12 - Don’t Be: Saw, the jigsaw killer
Do Be: Pennywise, the killer clown from It

# 13 - Don’t Be: The Twitter bluebird
Do Be: The Fail Whale


So there you have it! Add your own Do's and Don'ts below...

I’ll accept 20% of all ghoulish prizes (cash and otherwise) that you might win as a result of skipping mainstream pop culture costumes in favor of slightly more creative gear.

And while we’re on the topic of Halloween... did anyone see the Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin promo that ABC was running this week? Or was it just a nightmare? I can't find it online, but I can say with confidence that The Peanuts and Rap go together like chocolate and feet.

Word.