Up in the Air

I spent a good chunk of February flying the friendly skies.

I went to Phoenix, Orlando, Chicago, and San Francisco, on US Airways, United, JetBlue, American (first class -- woo hoo), Delta, and just today on Virgin America. I'm pretty sure 6 airlines on 4 trips is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do to rack up miles.

Anyway, it was my first time on Virgin, so I was curious to see how it matched up to my first love, JetBlue.

I can say with confidence that Virgin wins on: cool boarding passes, mood lighting, and the most epic video in the history of safety (see it below -- srsly).

The airlines tie on: newness of planes, niceness of crew, good in-flight entertainment, and paid snacks.

JetBlue wins on: price, seat comfyness, stretchy legroom (by a kneecap), and yummy, unlimited free snacks.

So, JB is still my fave.  But VA was still pretty cool.  Know what wasn't cool?  The jerkoff who sat next to me.

Actually, let me be clear: Nobody was *technically* next to me. I was in my beloved window seat and HE was in the aisle seat.  But he sure made himself at home.

Sack full of his food on the empty seat?  Check.  His big fat carry-on bag on the empty floor?  Yup.  His drinks strewn about the empty tray table?  You bet.  Mind you, this is in addition to is OWN actual seat/floor/table.  He spread his shit out like he was the Oscar Madison of the skies.

An empty middle seat is a gift!  It is not to be taken lightly!  I don't understand how someone could be so arrogant and presumptuous to take up all that neutral shared space. I wanted to say something but I thought, I'm stuck with this fool for 5 hrs, let's not make it miserable.  But my blood boiled with each item that inched my way.

About 3 hours in, gum wrappers were my final straw. I leaned over Garbage Mountain and asked...

"Did you purchase this seat?"
"No," he sneered.
"You're ALL OVER the place!" I said, while waving my hands around. "I'm just in this tiny little spot!"
"Well..." he stammered, "you can use it too."
"WHERE?!?"

Message delivered. He began packing up the junk.  The food bag went inside the carry-on bag, he folded up the spare tray, and miracle of miracles, he found room for his drinks on his table. But the war wasn't over.

This grown man fought back with an "assive" aggressive gas attack that stunk like death and toenails.

Vile human.

We didn't speak again until it was time to de-plane.  We were in row 17, and he sat until the bitter end, blocking me in even though I was actively getting scoliosis because I'm too tall to stand under an overhead bin.

At that time, he turned to me and shouted, "YOU'RE VERY RUDE!!"

My head almost popped off.

Then, he scurried away in a fart cloud.

So, did I overreact?  (maybe.)  Did he deserve it?  (yes.)  Do two rudes make a right?  (I dunno.)

Vote in the poll:


Ok, okaaaay, maybe I need to cool my jets. Or start calling myself Maverick.  I blame the 'roids.

Let's end on a high note with that safety video.  It's worth a watch.  I dare you not to smile and sing along:



tags: polls, travel