I Heart Andy Cohen

I was in Del Boca Vista last week, which gave me the chance to plow through a new book on the plane, while I was trying to ignore the strange man to my left.  Of course, I turned to housewife porn. 

No, no, not the one you're thinking of!  I only have eyes for Most Talkative, by Bravo network exec/TV host, Andrew "Andy" Cohen. 

I also came to a realization:  When I grow up, I'd like to be a gay, Jewish boy from St. Louis.

Andy's had a pretty amazing career in journalism, but it's his Kingdom of Reality TV that turns me absolutely green with envy.  After all, this is the guy that brought us Project Runway, Top Chef, Flipping Out, and each and every season of The Real Housewives, which I have watched religiously. 

I consider myself a connoisseur of this genre, having seen all the mainstays: Amazing Race, American Idol, Apprentice, Bachelor, Bachelorette, Big Brother, Cake Boss, Dancing with the Stars, Design Star, Extreme Makeover, Hell's Kitchen, House Hunters, Next Food Network Star, Project Greenlight, Project Runway, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Real Housewives, Real World, So You Think You Can Dance, Survivor, Top Chef, Top Model, Trading Spaces, and The Voice.

Hell, I've even watched these trainwrecks gems: Average Joe, the Anna Nicole Show, Bachelor Pad, Beauty and the Geek, Bethenny Getting Married, Blow Out, Boy Meets Boy, Celebrity Rehab, Chopped, Cupcake Wars, Dance Moms, Dogs in the City, Extreme Couponing, Fashion Star, Flipping Out, For Love or Money, Gigolos, Glee Project, Great Food Truck Race, High School Reunion, Hoarders, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, Joe Millionaire, Joe Schmo Show, Laguna Beach, The Hills, The City, Love Cruise, Love in the Wild, Man vs. Food, Masterchef, Million Dollar Listing, Millionaire Matchmaker, Mob Wives, The Mole, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, My Strange Addiction, The Osbournes, Paradise Hotel, Pregnant in Heels, The Restaurant, Road Rules, Rockstar INXS, Shahs of Sunset, Shark Tank, Shear Genius, Simple Life, Skating with Celebrities, Sorority Life, Surreal Life, The Swan, Tabitha's Salon Takeover, Take Me Out, Tardy for the Wedding, Temptation Island, Undercover Boss, Wife Swap, Work Out, Work of Art, and Worst Cooks in America.

I've got a PhD in reality.  Some might say I need a life.  But why, when I can live vicariously through all these crazies?

Anyway, if you don't watch Andy's late-nite talk show, Watch What Happens Live, you're missing out.  It's pure escapist fun.  He's breezy and goofy, but not afraid to stir a steamy gossip pot.  The cocktails Andy and guests guzzle during every episode (especially on Shotski Wednesday) also help lubricate the conversation. 

So in the spirit of the show, here's what 3 things I'm obsessed with:

1. Andy loves pop culture.  Natalie and Tootie from Facts of Life as guests?  I've died and gone to heaven. 
2. Andy loves drama.  Teresa Guidice can shove him.  Tamra Barney can kiss him.  He's unflappable.
3. Andy loves reality TV.  This suit is an actual fan of the shows his network runs.  How refreshing! 

Now, it's MY turn to Plead the Fifth.  Yay!  Imagine dramatic lights and music:

• If I was a Real Housewife, my catch phrase would be: You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can NOT take the Jersey out of me. (said while coyly pointing to my imaginary tramp stamp in the shape of the state)
• If anyone could play me on a made for TV movie, I would choose: Tiffani (hold the Amber) Thiessen.  There simply is no substitute.
• Who will I vote for in the 2012 Presidential election: I plead the fifth!

My mazel of the day goes to: Andy's mom, Evelyn, who was the guest bartender for a week when his book came out, and supplied a myriad of embarrassing photos from his youth.

My Jackhole of the day goes to: Ralph Fiennes who came to a pajama party in the WWHL Clubhouse and beat Andy senseless with a pillow.  That dude has some anger.


So, do YOU love Andy like I do?  Are you a reality fan or foe?  Comment below...


PS: Andy, if you've ever in the market for an unknown guest bartender from Jersey, call me!  But only on Bud Platinum night.  I can't mix a cocktail to save my life, but I can pour a mean beer.

PPS: The secret word of the day was "Andy" -- and if you took a cross-eyed sip of your Sangria every time I wrote it (13)... you'd be barfing in your sombrero.


tags: entertainment, pop culture