Miracle on 46th Street

I’m pretty sure I saw Santa Claus tonight. I’m talking actual, legit, Kris Kringle.

And no, I wasn’t drinking.  And thankfully, neither was he.

I was on my way home from dinner with my aunt and uncle. I was crossing 46th Street, and Santa was crossing 2nd Avenue. There was no sleigh in sight. But he had the wavy white hair, and a real beard, and the horn-rimmed glasses, and the belly full of jelly. He was trying to lay low in a gray wool overcoat, but he wore a bright red scarf, which I assume was Mrs. Claus’ handiwork.

He winked at me.  And not in a dirty old man kind of way. It was more of a I-know-you-want-a-Verizon-iPhone-under-the-tree-Jenny-but-please-hang-tight-because-it’s-coming-soon-hopefully-in-January-or-maybe-February-but-definitely-by-June-at-the-latest-according-to-the-Wall-Street-Journal-and-they-oughta-know kind of way.

I might actually have missed the big guy, if some schmuck wasn’t leaning out the window of a Prius shouting, “Hey, Santa! Rudolph tastes grrrrreat with ketchup!”

I have no idea what that means.

Anyway, I bet jolly old Saint Nick was in town shopping for Jingle Jammies. They don’t have Old Navy at the North Pole.

But regardless of WHY he was here, I saw it as a sign that I should fill my Grinchy heart with the Christmas spirit. I also breathed a sigh of relief that I bought normal Christmas cards at Target last weekend and didn’t go with the homemade cards I’d originally planned to send. I’m pretty sure they would have landed me on the naughty list.

What would YOU think if you got either of these cards in the mail?

Yeah, I know.  It’s probably for the best that I went the traditional route. Otherwise, my next blog post might have begun, “I’m pretty sure I had an intervention tonight...”

Oh and on a semi-relevant note, if you’re tired of listening to the same old Christmas carols year after year, you should totally download Target’s 14 fresh holiday songs for free. I’m particularly fond of Toy Jackpot by Blackalicious.

Seriously!

(I swear I haven’t been drinking. I HAVE been snorting mistletoe, but that’s really just to take the edge off. I mean, it’s not every day you see Santa Claus!)

Tell me about YOUR inappropriate holiday cards below…


tags: holidays, music

Why Has Glee Forsaken Me?

What I’m about to tell you won’t be popular:

Glee’s official season 2 has not been good.  They're 0 for 2.

There, I said it. But I’m not happy about it.

I love Glee! And whether or not you watch the show (and if you don’t, really, what’s wrong with you? Do you also hate rainbows and chocolate bunnies?), you can’t escape the hype. Or the praise, which has been 100% well-deserved.

SUPER talented cast, awesome 1-liners, and just an all-around entertaining hour of television. The bar is, admittedly, set quite high.

So it was with great anticipation that I tuned in last week -- eager to go back to school with the crazy kids from McKinley High. And while Empire State of Mind out in the courtyard and the Telephone showdown in the bathroom were both great, there were 3 things that missed the mark for me, big-time:

1. Replacing Coach Ken Tanaka. The jury is still out the new female football coach named Beiste, but I hope she's not a joke. That would be just plain mean.
2. Speaking of mean, having good guy Mr. Schuester join forces with awesomely evil Sue Sylvester to torment the new coach was ridiculously out of character.
3. Making Kurt and Puck practically invisible was a mistake. Kurt is hilarious, and Puck is just plain hot. A miss on both counts.

The whole thing left me feeling… unsatisfied. But what kept me hanging on was knowing an episode devoted to Britney Spears was right around the corner. I was SUPER psyched for it.

And yes, I’m aware of all the things that are wrong with that statement.

So I watched. And I listened. And I waited. And, ugh! Not good. Again! Here’s why:

1. Totally bizarre choice of songs (exception being Artie’s Stronger, which was all kinds of terrific), with the horror of all horrors -- an awkward Baby One More Time by the never-disappointing Rachel.
2. Stupid premise of anesthesia-induced Britney hallucinations. We get it. She’s a guilty pleasure. But is that the best they could do?
3. Too many video reenactments, not enough weaving the songs into the storyline. It worked so well with Madonna/Vogue from last season, and even Olivia Newton John/Physical, but here it was overkill. Forced.

I hate to hate on a show I totally adore. So I should point out the 2 things from last night’s episode that were standouts. First, it showed everyone what a fierce dancer Brittany S. Pierce could be. I had an idea, but wow! And second, it reminded me you can never have enough Uncle Jesse. Ever. John Stamos is like human bacon. He makes everything better. And he’s probably just as tasty…

Hmm. Did that cross the line? Eh. It’s been a long, lonely summer.

Anyhoo, if it were up to me, I would keep Stronger and Toxic (but with a better premise, that pep rally was lame). Then I’d add these 3 numbers that would have been more up to Glee’s standards:

1. Suppose Puck’s had a busy summer, bouncing between all his season 1 love interests, then school’s back in session and the girls compare notes (or sexts, as the case may be). Surely Santana, Quinn, Mercedes, and Rachel could do a killer rendition of Womanizer, with Noah Puckerman in their cross-hairs.
2. Imagine Kurt, still pining football hero Finn, doing an acapella (You Drive Me) Crazy, while looking all mooney-eyed at his locker.
3. Playing off this new Miss Pillsbury love triangle, you could see a Will Schuester and dreamy Doc Stamos duet -- vying for her attention in a pop/easy listening mash-up.  They'd sing Gimme More and she'd sing Arthur's Theme and obsessively pump hand santitizer.
4. BONUS: Let’s say Sue Sylvester was named Coach of the Decade in Splits Magazine. Again. No doubt this would inspire her to belt out Piece of Me while shoving unsuspecting students in the hallway like they were paparazzi.

Either way we should all thank our lucky stars nobody sang, I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman, featured in Miss Britney’s addictively awful cinematic debut, Crossroads.

So in my next life, when I’m a television writer, I’ll set things straight. Until then, if Glee keeps on this downward trend, it’s only a matter of time before an ill-conceived FOX cross-over episode airs that puts the kids at American Idol tryouts. Think Puck singing Daughtry singing Nickelback. Or Kurt singing Adam Lambert singing Queen.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

So, fellow Gleeks, what do you think? Do I deserve a grape slushie facial for this blasphemy? Or one of Rachel’s gold stars? Has all this TV finally fried my brain? Tell me why or why not below…

(PS: John Stamos… call me. Seriously.)


tags: entertainment, music

The Perfect Storm

This morning I received an automated email reminding me about a concert I'm going to tonight. Cool. Except one thing...

I'm not going to a concert tonight.

In February, my then fiance told me how much he wanted to see Dave Matthews again this summer. I knew he couldn't afford the tickets at the time, so I bought 4 -- 2 for us, and 2 for his sister and brother-in-law, as a thank you for some tickets they'd given us.

This was the second set of tix I bought that month. The first was to Peter Gabriel, who played with a 54-piece orchestra. We saw him together at Radio City back in May. It was an incredible show (save an excruciating appearance by Lou Reed, who butchered Solsbury Hill beyond recognition). I only wish we were getting along that night, or it would be a good memory. In hindsight, it was the beginning of the end.

At the time, I would have rather put all that concert money -- about $600 total -- towards something for our wedding. A dress. Our rings. Save-the-dates.  Only we didn't HAVE a date, not officially, anyway.  And I wanted to make him happy. Besides, Dave Matthews and summertime go together like chocolate and peanut butter, and this was a Saturday night concert at Citi Field. He didn't exactly have to twist my arm -- it sounded like fun.

It also would have been an anniversary of sorts: last July, we saw DMB together for the 1st time.

I still remember sitting at my desk a year ago when the text came in, "Are U free on July 21?" He booked this date with me a few weeks in advance of the show. I don't even think it was July 4th yet. I took that as a good sign that we would still be together by month's end. (Remember, we'd only started emailing last May, and didn't meet until June -- who knows what can happen in the early stages of a relationship.)

My butterflies and I had a quick conference and agreed I should say YES. So I did.

On July 21, 2009, I rented a car after work and drove out to Jones Beach. "I'm in red shorts," he said. "You can't miss me." When I arrived, I called him from the parking lot and he found me over by a fence, totally lost. He looked adorable and hopped in the car. We made our way over to where his sister and brother-in-law were. He'd already saved a parking spot for me.

I remember being SO nervous to meet his family, praying they would like me. But there was really nothing to be concerned about -- they were just lovely. There was an easiness to our relationship which started that night and lasted through many double dates to come.

He poured me a Bud Light in a red plastic cup, and we chatted away.  We had chemistry to spare. It began to rain while we were in the parking lot, and he handed me a navy blue windbreaker so I wouldn't get wet. I was charmed by how thoughtful he was.

On the walk over to the stadium, through parked cars, over sandy hills and winding roads, he reached for my hand. I remember thinking it was the first time we'd ever really held hands. He and I were slowly becoming "we."

It felt right.

Once inside, our date reached a new level. In a packed stadium, we were in our own little world.  It seemed as though the rain showers were set in time with the music. A deluge during Don't Drink the Water was epic. While #41 played, it was a soft, romantic drizzle. We were soggy, but smitten.

It was the perfect storm in the best possible way.

Later that night, I was in the car driving back to the city when I received a text. "BEST DATE EVER!!! Can't stop smiling :)" it said.

He had tickets at Jones Beach the next night too, that time with his youngest brother. During the show, while I was sitting at home on my couch watching TV, in came another text -- with a picture of a stage glowing with red lights. "U should be here with me," it said...


When I left last month, after gathering my belongings from a home we were supposed to share, the new tickets flashed through my mind. But I'd handed them to him when they arrived, and wasn't about to ransack his room now looking for 4 tickets. Besides, what would I do with them? I can't even bear to listen to DMB's music anymore, let alone go see them live. Too many memories. Too much sadness.

I don't know for certain, but I imagine he will be at the show tonight. And whether the seat next to him is empty or not, I hope each song brings back a flood of memories -- and regret -- if not regret for the breakup itself, then for how he handled it.

We deserved better. I deserved better.

More Cowbell

Today I heard a new song. It was first announced by Plastic Ryan Seacrest. And it’s a duet between a Gossip Girl and Robyn Thicke (who makes me Kynda Sicke).

Not a good pedigree.

But my love of Gossip Girl has been well-documented. So I decided to throw caution to the wind and listen to Blair Waldorf’s (aka Leighton Meester’s) new pop single, “Somebody to Love.”

The verdict? It’s… bad. And not in a good way.

Not sure what was worse, the actual singing in the duet, or the battle of the vapid lyrics. HER: “It’s hard to find a man, when you’re gone before he wakes. They say it’s hard to achieve, but can’t a girl believe?” HIM: “Baby girl, there you at. Looking at me like a putty cat… Do your hair, I bought you shoes. We can hit the town like superstars do.”

Stick to your day job, B. And while I'm on the topic, here are 5 other starlets-turned-songstresses who really need to learn which side of their bread is buttered and -- for the love of all that is good and holy -- STOP SINGING.

Starlet: Heidi Montag
Claim to Fame: Married to Spencer “Flesh-Colored Beard” Pratt on the un-reality series, The Hills (full disclosure: I have a sick addiction to this show -- don't judge).
Song: “Body Language”
Deep Thoughts: “I am looking for a boss type, someone to fulfill all my needs. So, give me a piece of your guidance.”

Starlet: Paris Hilton
Claim to Fame: Famous for being famous, this overrated socialite is best known for her homemade sex tape.
Song: “Stars Are Blind”
Deep Thoughts: “Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride, but when I walk they talk of suicide. Some people never get beyond their stupid pride. But you see the real me inside.”

Starlet: Jennifer Love Hewitt
Claim to Fame: Currently, this buxom babe whispers to ghosts and inexplicably dates Jamie Kennedy.
Song: “Let’s Go Bang”
Deep Thoughts: “Before the groove hits the move you want to. And Uncle Funk wants it over tonight. Just dance along to wherever they take you tonight. You just bang it all up and out, bang it all on time.” (UM… WHAT??)

Starlet: Lindsay Lohan
Claim to Fame: Forgetting to wear underwear, crashing cars, and pretending to be a lesbian are just a few of the hobbies LiLo enjoys when not in rehab.
Song: “Rumors”
Deep Thoughts: “I can tell that you’re watching me and you’re probably gonna write what you didn’t see. Well I just need a little space to breathe. Can you please respect my privacy?”

Starlet: Kim Zolciak
Claim to Fame: One of the artificial Real Housewives of Atlanta, this cougar is on again/off again with a sugar daddy known as “Big Poppa.”
Song: “Tardy for the Party”
Deep Thoughts: “I’ll be feelin’ good by nine. After my third glass of wine. On the dance floor lookin' fine. All the boys tryin’ to get in line.”


Sooo.... any other celebrities you’d like to silence? Add them below and I’ll read them after I finish flying over Colorado in a giant Jiffy Pop weather balloon!

One and Done

I don’t know where my head was on Friday.

It was One Hit Wonder Day! I already missed International Bacon Day (September 8th). And National Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th). I simply cannot overlook ANOTHER September holiday, even if I am 3 days late.

So here’s my list of one-hit faves from the past 3 decades. And these aren’t remakes (sorry The Ataris and your “The Boys of Summer”), or celebs turned musicians (that means YOU, Eddie Murphy, AND your girl who wants to “Party All the Time”). These are actual songs from artists who hit Billboard’s Top 40 once, and that was it.

One and done.

Oh, and I decided to cut the 2000’s off at 2002, figuring if they haven’t recorded a second hit in the last 7 years, they probably don’t have another one left in them…

1970: The Five Stairsteps, “O-o-h Child”
1971: Jean Knight, “Mr. Big Stuff”
1972: Looking Glass, “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)”
1973: King Harvest, “Dancin’ in the Moonlight”
1974: Blue Swede, “Hooked on a Feeling”
1975: Morris Albert, “Feelings” (totally kidding, 1975, it seems was TOTAL crap for OHWs)
1976: Vicki Sue Robinson, “Turn the Beat Around”
1977: Thelma Houston, “Don’t Leave Me this Way”
1978: Alicia Bridges, “I Love the Nightlife (Disco ‘Round)"
1979: TIE -- The Knack, “My Sharona” and Kermit the Frog, “Rainbow Connection”

1980: The Sugarhill Gang, “Rapper’s Delight”
1981: Tommy Tutone, “867-5309/Jenny” (for obvious reasons)
1982: Soft Cell, “Tainted Love”
1983: TIE -- Dexy’s Midnight Runners, “Come on Eileen” and Taco, “Puttin’ on the Ritz”
1984: TIE -- Nena, “99 Luftballons” and Shannon, “Let the Music Play”
1985: TIE -- Falco, “Rock Me Amadeus” and Murray Head, “One Night in Bangkok”
1986: Timbuk 3, “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades”
1987: TIE -- Breakfast Club, “Right on Track” and Bill Medley, “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”
1988: TIE -- The Church, “Under the Milky Way” and Midnight Oil, “Beds Are Burning”
1989: Jeff Healey Band, “Angel Eyes”

1990: Michael Penn, “No Myth”
1991: Divinyls, “I Touch Myself”
1992: Sir Mix-a-Lot, “Baby Got Back”
1993: 4 Non Blondes, “What’s Up?”
1994: Nothing good happened in '94, unless you count the Crash Test Dummies (which I do not)
1995: Edwin Collins, “A Girl Like You”
1996: Seven Mary Three, “Cumbersome”
1997: Chumbawamba, “Tubthumping”
1998: TIE -- The Verve, “Bittersweet Symphony” and Semisonic, “Closing Time”
1999: TIE -- Eagle Eye Cherry, “Save Tonight” and Shawn Mullins, “Lullaby”

2000: Nine Days, “Absolutely (Story of a Girl)”
2001: TIE – Fuel, “Hemorrhage (In My Hands)” and Willa Ford, “I Wanna Be Bad”
2002: Jimmy Eat World, "The Middle"


So that's my list, for better or worse. Am I missing YOUR favorite ditty? Too bad.

Jokes, jokes... add them below.

All Points West

This past Saturday, my brother and I trekked back to the Mother Land. Yes, we went home to the Jerz.

You gotta get back to your roots every now and again.

We originally had tickets last summer to the first All Points West music & arts festival at Liberty State Park. We were hoping to see Radiohead. But as luck would have it, our tix were for the same weekend that we wound up helping our parents move down to Florida. I think we were somewhere in Georgia by the time Radiohead took the stage in Jersey City.

So we couldn’t hear them very well.

This year, I promised my brother we’d get to the festival for reals. And get there we did! Here are the highlights…

BEST BAND: Gogol Bordello
While we came to see Tool, (and the Arctic Monkeys were pretty great too), this crazy little band stands out to me above all the rest. They had an amazing energy, you could not stand still when they were playing, and they used a trippy smorgasbord of instruments (banjo, accordion, electric guitar, violin, PLUS a bongo-playing man in a wrestling mask and two tambourine-playing dancing nymphs -- oh my!). It sounded unexpectedly awesome. I didn’t even realize until the end that the songs weren’t all in English. Whatever. I’m a fan.
Download this: Tribal Connection and Mala Vida

WORST BAND: My Bloody Valentine
This band should be called My Bloody Ears. The guitars were so loud and distorted, it was just screechy noise. A sonic assault. Apparently their POINT is to be loud and all the Kool Kidz totally get it, but never have I seen so many people standing totally still during a concert. Everyone was just dumbfounded, I guess. Or deaf. And while I swore I saw the band’s lips moving, there was not one discernable lyric in their entire set until they said, “Goodnight.” I say, “Good riddance.”
Download this: Don’t Bother (no, seriously, don’t bother)


BEST FOOD I ATE: Funnel Cake
I love funnel cake. It’s really just as simple as that.

WORST FOOD I ATE: Tiny Meatballs
Tiny meatballs freak me out. Actually, don’t love the big ones either. Especially when they have giant chunks of bread in them, or weird ingredients like nuts and raisins. Blech. But, I do like meatballs on my pizza… go figure. I am a riddle wrapped in an enigma.


BEST FOOD I DIDN’T EAT: PB&J
I sprung for VIP tix because that’s how I roll. Ok, that’s how I LIKE to roll. Ok, ok… it was a treat for my brother. But regardless, the first thing I saw when we entered the tres chic VIP tent was a make your own PB&J sandwich station. I kinda loved that.

WORST FOOD I DIDN’T EAT: Burritos
From the APW message board: “By any chance did you have the burritos?? My friends ate burritos. I didn't luckily, and my stomach is acting kind of weird but not as bad as my friends who both have explosive diarrhea. Maybe some parasite from the feces we were all submerged in might have contaminated the burrito stand, and maybe the fact that we were submerged in it for three days may be why we are all sick. I hope its not some bird parasite.” I think that speaks for itself.


BEST DECISION: Taking the Ferry
This was a great way to get to the festival -- out on the open sea. I felt like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, minus the shoulder pads. Just ignore the ridiculous price ($25?!), and the fact that the walk to the dock was a good mile away from the main stage, AND the fact that the ferry tix weren’t transferrable from one day to the next (an expensive lesson I accidentally learned when a robust woman named Chantal informed me that I’d purchased tix for the wrong day). But… it sure was pretty!

WORST DECISION: Wearing Flip Flops
Rain + Grassy Knoll = Mud. Sure, Saturday was gorgeous, but the damage had already been done. Not sure what I was thinking when I decided to don a cute pair of flippers. The stench coming off the wet mulch was also something special. I can only hope it was poo. Incidentally, I did hear that APW was letting Friday's soggy ticket holders into the Saturday and Sunday shows for free, so that’s a pretty cool gesture (as long as you push aside the greedy motive of just hoping to sell even more $7 beers and $5 slices). If only they were offering a foot decontamination service. Then they’d truly be golden.


BEST ATTRACTION: Twix Misting Tent
While it wasn’t super hot out, the mist was cool and refreshing, and they served free Twix. I kept waiting for something awkward to happen so I could chew it over with Twix.

WORST ATTRACTION: Beer Gardens
Forget the 7 beer limit for the whole entire day -- you could only consume them in designated drinking zones (and yes, I GET it, we were in a state park). So I felt like we had to pound every beer in order to get back to the show. Hmmm. Maybe that was the point? Or maybe I’m just too old for that. Not sure. But I wound up being so full on yummy festival snacks (see above), that I only drank 4 of my 7 beer rations. Yes, it’s official, I am getting old.


BEST CELEB SIGHTING: Adrian Grenier
In the beer garden.

WORST CELEB SIGHTING: Courtney Love
At the falafel stand.


All in all, it was a blast. And a mess. It was a messy blast. Can’t WAIT to go again next year! (Seriously… wanna come??)

King of Pop

Right now, as I type this, I am sucked into a marathon Michael Jackson music video retrospective on VH-1.

I am on hour #4. I am officially middle aged. And I am helpless to resist the lure of Billie Jean.

Honestly, I didn’t think that much about his passing on Thursday. On the one hand I was totally shocked to get the series of breaking news alerts in quick succession -- first cardiac arrest, then coma, then dead -- and on the other hand, I wasn’t surprised at all.

Over the years, he certainly taught us to expect the unexpected.

His life had been… questionable. Actually, that’s an understatement. He passed quirky and eccentric miles ago. Jacko was bat-shit crazy. But his musical talent is undeniable. Does that excuse his behavior, alleged or observed? I don’t think so. But hopefully his songs will be his legacy.

Here are my 10 faves:
1979 - Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
1979 - Rock With You
1983 - Beat It (also love Fall Out Boy’s version featuring John Mayer)
1983 - Billie Jean
1983 - Human Nature
1983 - PYT (Pretty Young Thing)
1983 - Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’
1984 - Thriller
1988 - Man in the Mirror
1988 - Smooth Criminal (also love Alien Ant Farm’s version)

Each one of these songs has some great memory tied to it, and instantly takes me back to growing up in NJ. It was the ‘80s, I had (really) big hair, my beloved Ronnie was in office, and all was good in my world.

Watching these videos that span a 40-year career, particularly The Jackson Five with 10-year-old Michael performing “I Want You Back” and “ABC” on American Bandstand, makes me so sad. It’s probably how my parents felt when they heard about Elvis. One of my college roommates used to call MJ “magic.” And I guess he was. While he WAS the King of Pop, he was very clearly also the King of Pain.

I hope he rests in peace.

10 Songs I’m Embarrassed to Admit Are on My iPod

There are a few schools of thought when it comes to downloading music.

Some, like my brother, download entire CDs so they can listen to every song by a band they like. Doesn’t matter if the song was popular, or if you can sing along. Yeah, I guess there’s something nice about having the full catalogue at your fingertips.

But me?

I prefer a more edited-down list. Hand-selected favorites. So even though my iPod has 1,905 songs on it, they are all there for a reason. Because I like ‘em. From metal to Motown, classical to country, and reggae to rock, you could say it’s an eclectic mix. A musical smorgasbord.

You never know what will pop up next.

It’s a fun game of roulette. Until I’m in a quiet, crowded place -- like, say, an elevator -- where other people can hear the songs I’m listening to. These are the moments that I pray I’m not standing next to a cute boy in a suit, while I’m holding a grocery bag full of tampons and toilet paper.

So, I ask you, what’s more embarrassing? Getting caught holding The Bag, or rocking out to these 10 beauties:

Careless Whisper by George Michael
(Play Count: 6)
I used to think he liked girls. Sometimes, I like to pretend he still does. Don’t judge.

Daydream Believer by The Monkees
(Play Count: 8)
I had a crush on Davy Jones when I was about 4. Then, I realized he was short and I was all about Big Bird.

Don’t Cha by The Pussycat Dolls
(Play Count: 9)
This one will come in real handy when I finally install that stripper pole.

The Final Countdown by Europe
(Play Count: 13)
Reminds me of the days when I had a poodle perm, just like the lead singer.

Laid by James
(Play Count: 15)
It's probably best not to let this one accidentally slip into the playlist at a family bbq like I once did. You know the lyric -- yeah THAT one. Comfy.

La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin
(Play Count: 6)
I dare you to sit still during this one. You can’t do it! It can’t be done.

Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) by Big & Rich
(Play Count: 17)
I’m not sure what’s worse, how much I love this song, or that I downloaded it because of a particularly amazing Dancing with the Stars performance involving Drew Lachey.

S.O.S. by Jonas Brothers
(Play Count: 3)
I swear I don’t think Joe Jonas is adorable (yes I do). This one is really just a cry for help. Even my iPod’s upset about it.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone? by Paula Cole
(Play Count: 6)
Yes, I went through a Lillith phase (musically, that is, I still shaved my armpits). You should see the other man-hating melodies I have from this era.

Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John
(Play Count: 27 – I know, I couldn’t believe it either)
Does it get any better than ONJ + disco + roller skates? I think not.


Looking at this list, you’d think my musical tastes are total crap. They’re not, I swear. At least… I think they’re not…

What embarassing songs would I find on YOUR iPod?

Green Day

They say everyone’s Irish on March 17th.

So, when I was a kid, I looked forward to the (futile) hope that my mom would let us eat Lucky Charms. In my teens, it was all about the green cupcakes. My twenties brought the acquired taste that is green beer. In my old age (thirties), I just really want ice cream.

Since Shamrock Shakes are mysteriously unavailable in NYC, I guess I’ll try to get lucky with Cookie O’Puss (which sounds much nastier than I intended).

I toyed with writing a limerick here, but I thought a more PG-approach to this very green day would be to share my take on one of many notes zipping around Facebook right now. It’s all about answering simple questions with song titles.

So, grab a four-leaf clover and slide down the rainbow into this pot o’musical gold…

Pick a band/artist: U2

Q: Describe yourself.
A: Sweetest Thing

Q: How do you feel today?
A: Beautiful Day

Q: What is the weather like?
A: Staring at the Sun

Q: Describe your current location.
A: Where the Streets Have No Name

Q: Where were you born?
A: Angel of Harlem (Bronx, actually, but close enough!)

Q: What is your (least) favorite day of the week?
A: Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Q: Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
A: Mysterious Ways

Q: Describe your current boy/girl situation
A: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

Q: What is your biggest relationship flaw?
A: Pride (In the Name of Love)

Q: When you get in a fight, what do you do?
A: Get On Your Boots

Q: Describe your best friend.
A: Numb (kidding!)

Q: How do you feel at work?
A: Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of (more jokes!)

Q: What is life to you?
A: Running to Stand Still

Q: What are you looking for?
A: Everlasting Love

Q: What is the best advice you have to give?
A: Walk On

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A: Desire

Q: If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
A: Even Better Than the Real Thing

Now if that doesn’t make you want to get up and Riverdance, I really don’t know what will.

Want to play along? Pick a band and post yours below!

Traveling Music

Today, I got up early without hitting snooze once. Why? Because I’m getting ready to board a bird headed south for the holidays!

I don’t think I’ve ever spent Christmas in 80 degree weather, so I’m totally psyched, but since my idea of Santa isn’t a fat old dude in Bermuda shorts, I may need a little musical inspiration as the mercury rises.

As such, I give you my favorite Christmas songs, guaranteed to put the spirit in your holiday:

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – U2
No other version will do. Sing it to me, Bono. I’ll come home to you any day – and twice on Christmas!

Mele Kalikimaka – Jimmy Buffet
If it’s good enough for Clark W. Griswold, it’s good enough for me.

Christmas Eve/Sarajevo – Trans-Siberian Orchestra
I don’t know why they call it this instead of Carol of the Bells. But I like it anyway. Nice and loud.

Baby It’s Cold Outside – Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer
It’s cold outside is as good an excuse as any other to fool around. Maybe just a half a drink more…

All I Want for Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey
You are dead inside if you don’t like this song. It’s that simple.

Honorable mention goes to Dominick the Donkey, the Italian Christmas donkey. Apparently the singer, Lou Monte, began his illustrious career serenading the ladies with Pepino the Italian Mouse. Sensing a trend? Chingedy-ching (hee-haw, hee-haw).

Buon Natale -- Merry Christmas!