Say Cheese

I wish I could say I have a good excuse for why I haven't blogged in so long, but anything I tell you will sound... cheesy.

You know the drill: work, more work, life, blah...

I did make time for a Cubs game at Wrigley with my fam and a Bon Jovi concert at MSG with my best friends. Super funtimes!

But mostly, it was work.

Typical.

Anyway, a few months ago, a little birdie told me that Planter's Cheez Balls were coming back this summer (this Sunday, to be exact). Well, I have eaten them, and I can tell you...

They're perfect! As good you as you remember from those family roadtrips to The Shore when you were a kid.

And I'm pretty sure a whole can is still a single serving, right?  Yes, just like Pringles.

In honor of this snack comeback, here are my cheese, glorious cheese Top 10:

1. CHEEZ BALLS:
   Thanks, Mr. Peanut! These are nothing but crispy, cheezy goodness.  For the record, I also love Nacho Cheese Doritos, Cheddar Cheese Chex Mix, Cheetos, Cheez Waffles and Cheddar Cheese & Sour Cream Ruffles, but these are a hands-down nostalgic fave. Welcome back!
2. CHEEZ-IT:
   The classic kind is a tasty snack. I like them better than Cheese Nips, I wish Big Cheez-Its were bigger, and I don't like any of the new flavors or shapes, except Extra Toasty.  Those are pretty great too.
3. CHEESE & CRACKERS:
   I seriously think I would have starved in grades 4-6 if I couldn't have this for lunch. Every day, my mom would make 6 of them with Wispride spreadable cheddar cheese sandwiched on a Ritz cracker, wrapped in tin foil.  It was perfectly aged by lunchtime, and I washed it down with an iced tea Ssips. In other news, I still eat them today. On Wheat Thins.
4. MAC & CHEESE:
   The homemade kind is pretty awesome, but it takes time. Which I don't have. So, for me, it's Kraft Deluxe or Stouffer's. Both are creamy, comforting and made better with a liberal coating of French's Fried Onions.
5. GRILLED CHEESE:
   This is the only thing I order when I go to a diner. Unless I want breakfast for dinner, then it's pancakes. But otherwise, it's this. Always with bacon, usually with onion rings. Never disappoints.
6. CHEESE FRIES:
   Another diner classic! Disco's not my style, but Cheez Whiz cheese fries can't be beat. Especially late night. Even more so when the fries are tater tots. Tots for the win!
7. CHEESE PIZZA:
   There's literally nothing better on the planet than a NY slice. I could eat one for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Cold or hot. It's all good. When I can't get the real deal, I'll bake up a Stouffer's French Bread, or make English muffin pizzas (Thomas's Sandwich Size + Kraft Mozzarella with a Touch of Philly + Ragu Pizza Sauce = Happiness).
8. CHEESE BURGER:
   A few summers ago, I started grilling, and I make a mean cheese burger! But I don't always feel like cooking, so it's Five Guys for me. I wish they'd put a Shake Shack in Hoboken, then the Guys would have a run for their money. (Are you listening, Danny Meyer? We have a Drybar, a Sephora & a West Elm -- bring your bougie burgers here, stat!)
9. CHEESECAKE:
   It's well-documented that this is my birthday cake of choice, and there's ONLY one kind: New York Style. If I'm feeling fancy, it's Juniors all the way, but for a quick pick me up, Sarah Lee frozen cheesecake with strawberry topping does the trick.
10. ACTUAL CHEESE:
    I'll admit it, I like my American cheese yellow. Tastes better, especially when it's Land O Lakes freshly sliced THIN from the deli counter. It's worth the wait. But I've also never met a Brie, Blue, Feta, Gouda, or Goat cheese I didn't like. The same cannot be said for Cheese Curds. I've eaten them in Wisconsin & even tried them fried. They're squeaky and awful. Like if a cheddar cheese cube and an eraser had a baby. Chewy? You betcha.

So, enough about health foods!

Imagine if I were lactose intolerant? That would suck. Sorry if you are.

I will leave you with a lame joke: What do you call a cheese that's not yours?

Leave your answer in the comments... (if you still read this!).

Me Time

(Note: This is a sponsored post for SheKnows Experts Among Us, but the me time is all my own.)

I'm in serious need of some "me time."

You'd think because I'm single, and I don't have any kids, or a yard to rake, and just the one job, that I'd have sweet, sweet me time coming out my ears. 

But I don't.

What I might REALLY need is a lesson in time management, but that's not the point of this post.  Between work, and travel, and life, and my mildly unhealthy obsession with TV, there simply aren't enough hours in my day. 

I suppose sleeping is the ultimate me time, but I prefer to be conscious when I'm relaxing.

It's going to be a while before I can get lost again in a new Ikea catalogue, so here are 5 more ways I'd like to escape from the everyday: 

Anywhere Me Time: Writing
You might recall, I started this blog in 2008 as a way to get back into writing novels (ok, manuscripts that wish to grow into published novels one day).  But I actually wound up loving blogging for blogging's sake.  A novel is a commitment.  A blog post is a fling.  That's more my speed these days.   

At Home Me Time: Painting My Nails
I should seriously have my head examined for the amount I spend on nail polish.  You might think I was a 13 year old girl, but then you'd quickly realize a 13 year old girl could never earn enough in babysitting money to afford a collection like mine.  It's impossible for me to leave CVS without a new shade (Sally Hansen is my BFF) and don't even get me started about my bi-weekly trips to Sephora (I'm currently cheating on Butter London with Marc Jacobs, shhhhh). I find professional manicures thoroughly uncomfortable, but painting my own fingers and piggies is delightful.

In the Air Me Time: Reading a Magazine
You know what I love about JetBlue, besides the legroom, and the snacks, and the TV?  I love the fact that you can't get wifi.  You know what that means?  Hours of unplugged, uninterrupted time to read my all-time fave, Food Network Magazine, cover to beautiful cover.  It's heaven.  I usually also pick up US and Life & Style (which I hide inside the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly).  While everyone else is busy pretending to turn their electronics off by slipping them into the inexplicably insufficient "airplane mode," I'm lost in a story about the RHONJ because you can't power down a magazine.

Out & About Me Time: Grocery Shopping
I'm an advertiser's dream -- I'm crazy brand loyal and yet can't wait to try all kinds of new products.  If a commercial told me toothpaste was a vegetable, I'd probably believe it.  I prefer to go to the grocery store alone so I can take my time and leave no section unexplored.  It's not as fun here in the city (with the exception of Fairway).  I take my REAL grocery me time in the 'burbs, where the aisles are wide and the prices are low.  Beer, wine, Ensure?  I'll take them all.  You never know...

At Work Me Time: An Afternoon Treat
I'm not a coffee drinker.  Or a smoker (gross).  Or a person with Restless Leg Syndrome who needs to get up every 10 minutes.  So I don't often have an excuse to leave my desk during the day, unless I'm headed to a meeting.  But I actually don't need to get up to get away.  There's a tiny chocolate escape that lives in my desk drawer and calls my name around 4pm.  Can you hear it too?  Right now, I'm pretty partial to Lindt LINDOR Caramel Milk Chocolate Truffles.  They're a smooth and creamy trip for my taste buds.  In fact, I just might have to eat one now.  Ok, two.  Alriiight...maybe three.


So, how do YOU find me time?  List your favorite ways below, and then go do them! 

Unless reading my blog is part of your me time ritual, in which case, please read on.  Who am I to stand between you and sheer literary pleasure?


tags: beauty, food, shopping, travel, writing

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Pinterest

I wish I'd invented Pinterest.

I've always considered myself a pretty creative person.  And for as long as I can remember, I've clipped craft ideas and recipes from magazines, which I dip into periodically for inspiration (or I flat-out copy).

Then, along came this amazing little social network.

I first learned of it about 2 years ago, shortly after it launched, when I worked at Brides -- it's perfect to gather wedding ideas.  But I really embraced it about a year ago as a place to keep favorite recipes.  Next thing I know, I have more than 1,500 saved.

No wonder I can't fit in my pants!

Pinterest's mission is simple: connect people with things they find interesting. 

You pin (or re-pin) photos to virtual bulletin boards that you create around any theme, with a link back to the source so when you want to cook that great recipe or make that cool craft, you know how it's done. 

So, pin + interest = Pinterest.  And with more than 10 million registered members, clearly, they're on to something.

In my mind, there are 3 things that distinguish this site from other social networks:

1. It's primarily female -- when you think of most networks, particularly in their early stages, they are typically dominated by men.
2. You often interact with people you don't know -- most social networks connect you with people you already know.  You can do that here too, but I'm always introduced to new ideas from people I've never met.
3. Your pins have longevity -- the shelf life of a single Facebook post is about a day.  Twitter?  Maybe an hour.  On Pinterest, people regularly re-pin photos that are a month or even a year old.  A good idea is a good idea.

Speaking of ideas, here are a few I've tried -- the image on the left is the original pinspiration, the one on the right is what I actually made.

There were some hits and some misses...

#1 RECYCLED CRYSTAL LIGHT CONTAINERS 

Why this pin?: 

I had a ton of leftover containers from our Crystal Light taste test, and it's that time of year again when I get a card slipped under my door with the names of 18 guys who work in my apt building.  I wish I could give them all cash, but kisses (of the chocolate variety) will have to do.

Materials needed:

Crystal Light containers (I used the large ones here), bags of wrapped candy (I used a Hershey's Kiss medley -- milk chocolate, milk chocolate with almonds, and the festive white chocolate candy cane), small bows, ribbon, and gift tags.  Note: 1 large container holds 57 kisses.

Cost:

If you don't count the containers, it's about $4 each.

Verdict:

A hit.  Unless you are one of the guys who work in my building.  They prob would have preferred cash.

#2: GLITTER ORNAMENT


 

Why this pin?:

It's Christmas!  I've made ornaments before and knew this one would be easy.  The key here is to apply the glitter inside the ornament rather than on the outside.  Much neater that way.

Materials needed:

Clear ornaments (easy to find at Michael's), spray adhesive, and glitter (I used Martha Stewart in turquoise).

Cost:

About $1 per ornament.

Verdict:

A hit.  I love sparkly things. 

#3 S'MORES COOKIE BARS

  

Why this pin?:
My sister-in-law made these for a Superbowl party last year and it took all my energy not to eat the whole tray.  I HAD to try to make them myself (so I could eat the whole tray).  Then I remembered, I'm a horrible baker.

Materials needed:
Pyrex dish, butter, brown sugar, regular sugar, egg, vanilla extract, flour, graham cracker crumbs (you can buy them already crumbly from Honey Maid, you don't have to smash your own), baking powder, salt, large chocolate bars (Hershey's) and marshmallow cream (Fluff).

Cost:
I think the ingredients for this cost me about $25 but that's here in NYC grocery stores with their minibar prices.  Don't let that scare you.

Verdict:
Mixed.  True to s'mores form, they look messy, but they tasted pretty good.  Not as good as when my sister-in-law made them, because she actually can bake!



#4: OMBRE NAILS

Why this pin?:

It looks like such fun to paint all your nails a different shade!  Then you do it.  And you quickly realize you have giant clown hands that you probably can't wear to work.  So you paint all your nails the same color as your pinkie and forget it ever happened.  Or maybe that's just me.

Materials needed:

5 nail polishes ranging from light to dark in the same shade (from thumb to pinkie, I used Essie in Baby's Breath, Essie in Charmeuse, Essie in Splash of Grenadine, Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Back to the Fuchsia, and Essie in Bermuda Shorts).

Cost:
$0.  I have a bazillion nail polishes, so I didn't have to buy these.  If you did, the cost for 5 could range between $10 - $50 depending on what kind of polish you like.  Or you could probably just get a manicure and ask for this to get it out of your system.  Just make sure you don't have any big meetings that week.  (Seriously, clown hands.)

Verdict:
A miss.  This seemed like a better idea than it actually was.  And I just about passed out from the fumes of 5 bottles of polish open simultaneously.
 

#5 MAGNETIC MAKEUP BOARD

Why this pin?:

I have very little counter space in my teeny weeny bathroom.  So I have tons of makeup that I never use. The bag I keep in my purse only holds a couple things -- a blush, mascara, and a bunch of lip glosses.  That's it.  I thought this would get me to use all the other stuff I've bought thanks to my Sephora addiction, because I could actually SEE what I've got.

Materials needed:

A metal board and containers (I got mine at the aptly titled Container Store -- this is a desk set that I converted into a makeup board), and adhesive magnet strips (also from the Container Store) to stick to the back of all your makeup.

Cost:
This was about $45 (not including the cost of all the makeup -- I don't even want to think about how much I've spent on THAT!).  But since it doubles as art for my bathroom wall, I'm ok with it.

Verdict:
A hit.  People who see it think I'm clever.  And, really, isn't that the point of Pinterest in the first place?

While we're on this topic, here's a collection of my most popular pins -- I think I haven't really inspired people so much as I have reminded them how great the 80s were.  

I'm ok with that.

My 5 Most Popular Pins:

Wonder Woman Underoos

Re-pins: 897
Likes: 175
Comments: 32

Why this pin?:
I loved her so much I wore my WW bathing suit as a Halloween costume one year.  My mom even made me tin foil cuffs.  I would have worn these outside too, but... they're underwear and people generally frown on that.

Fraggle Rock

Re-pins: 713

Likes: 111

Comments: 1

Why this pin?:
Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, and Red.  Simple as that.

Dynamite Magazine & Rick Springfield

Re-pins: 284
Likes: 42
Comments: 12

Why this pin?:

I totally had this issue!  I loved this magazine and Rick was my first concert.  Dr. Noah Drake may be showing his age now, but back in the day, he was dreamy.  And destined to marry me.  That worked out well.

Hand Painted Yankees Toy Chest

Re-pins: 215

Likes: 52

Comments: 7

Why this pin?:

I painted this for my nephew when he was born because I wanted to make him something special.  Babe Ruth's number is on one side and Donnie Baseball is on the other, to represent his grandfather's and father's favorite players.  After all, he is a 5th generation Yankee fan (until he becomes a Cubs fan). 

Cabbage Patch Kids

Re-pins: 169

Likes: 18

Comments: 0

Why this pin?:

This chubby gal looks just like my own doll, Gabrielle.  Also someone (who is not my brother) had one (who was definitely NOT named Fletcher). I may have been a touch old for dolls -- I was 9 when I "adopted" her.  Today, I think kids that age are busy stealing their parent's car and driving to keggers and tattoo parlors, but 1982 was a simpler time.






So, are YOU into Pinterest too?  Do you love it?  Think it's a passing fad?  A colossal waste of time?

Inspire me below!


tags: beauty, crafts, pop culture, technology

I Am Not a Wen Girl

I hate being pampered.

There, I said it.

I know.  People looove that stuff.  Probably you do, too! 

YOU are normal.  But I just say no to manicures, pedicures, massages, facials, scrubs, mud baths, waxes, and spray tans.  Don't get me wrong -- I don't roam the Earth looking all raggedy.  I just handle this stuff on my own because being touched by strangers totally stresses me out. 

The ONLY salon treatment I love?  Getting my hair washed. 

Oh, I could sit in that awkward position, staring at the ceiling for hours!  I ignore the wet black towel draped around my neck.  I don't care if they get soap in my ears.  I laugh when they splash me in the eye.  I don't even flinch when the water is too cold or too hot. 

Just scrub-a-dub-dub.

Since I'm not in the salon very often, I try to recreate a hair washing oasis in my own shower.  To this end, I keep a variety of shampoos, conditioners, and 2-in-1s in stock. 

When I saw a late-nite infomercial for Wen, the revolutionary cleansing conditioner by celebrity stylist, Chaz Dean, I was immediately intrigued.  Do I know that dude?  No!  But I'm helpless to resist a good infomercial.  Seriously.  With each flip of Alyssa Milano's bouncy, shiny hair, mine felt more dry, frizzy, and dull.  This 80s teen queen/Wen Girl wouldn't steer me wrong.

They said it works on the first try!  Just one magical bottle was supposed to replace my shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner, detangler, and leave-in conditioner. 

I don't even use half that crap, but who cares?  Was Wen ("new" spelled backwards) the secret to great hair?

I had to find out.

I went directly to their website to order, but it was a recurring charge -- a bottle every 60 days -- like a DVD club for your head.  What if I didn't like it? I am lazy about managing my finances, no doubt I'd have spent $250 on a gallon of the stuff before I ever got around to stopping it.  I know my limits.  That was not for me. 

Then I saw Sephora sold individual kits.  Yet another reason I love that store... 

It arrived a few days later and I was super excited to unlock some gorgeous hair.  I waited for a weekend so I could spend more time than I do on a typical weekday (which is about 7 minutes, including the time I spend washing it). 

I wet my hair thoroughly.  I took 10 pumps of this cleansing conditioner in my hands and rubbed them together.  I worked it deep into my hair, from root to tip.  I left it in for at least 5 minutes to really soak it in there.  Then I rinsed.  I even patted my hair dry to keep it smooth.  Finally, I blow-dried it with a round brush just like they do in the salon.

Now, I know you know what's coming...

I didn't like it. 

Here's why:

1) Bad Smell: I understand they came out with other scents like fig, lavender, and pomegranate, but I went with the original.  Sweet almond mint.  One of the things I love when I use a great shampoo is smelling it all day long as my hair bounces around.  This was a wave of menthol -- like a cough drop a grandpa would keep in his shirt pocket along with a hankie.  Nobody wants to be a Sucrets head.


2) No Lather: THIS IS THE BEST PART OF SHAMPOO!  This thing was like smearing pudding on my head.  Even the commercial got a little foam.  But for me?  No bubbles.  No froth.  Just a gunky lump.  I know it's called a cleansing conditioner, and not shampoo, but I really think they forgot the cleansing part.  Without the lather, you don't feel clean.


3) Limp Locks: I have pretty thick hair but somehow, using Wen made it stringy and kind of oily-looking.  Not the desired effect. 


In short: My hair looked better before. 


I guess it's been a rough year for my mane.  I don't know if it can stand any more experiments, so maybe I should just stick with shampoos I truly love: Frederick Fekkai Glossing, Neutrogena Anti-Residue, Organix Moroccan Oil, Herbal Essences Hello Hydration 2-in-1, and Suave Naturals.

Unless YOU use something better?  (Shhh.  Don't tell my hair, but I'm all ears...)


tags: beauty, commercials, shopping

 

Freebies

Ok, ok, so I didn’t win the lottery. You either? Pfft. But today WAS a lucky day. I earned a free sandwich.

Take THAT, Friday the 13th!

(it’s the little things)

There's a lunch place near my office called Chop't, and every day no matter what time you go, the line is out the door. If you're not familiar, they're like the Cold Stone Creamery of salads. You pick your lettuce and your mix-ins, and a little dude behind the glass dumps it on the counter and dices it all up so there's dressing in every bite. Yum. You can have it in a bowl, or in a wrap.

I go for the Santa Fe. With bacon. And Russian. I'm sure there's a vegetable hidden in there somewhere.

Probably.

Anyway, with every 9 you buy, the 10th is free. Nevermind that you've probably spent $100 bucks to get the free one. It's still a happy day when the Frequent Chop'r Card (no joke, that's the name) pays a dividend.

So Tax Day is almost upon us, and my hand is cramping from writing checks to Uncle Sam, the Big Apple, and Sal my accountant (surely it's not from stuffing free sammies down my gullet). For some reason I cannot explain, every single year I either break even or have to pay. Well, except for the ONE time this century that I got a refund and I stupidly used it on movers.

I would have rather given my $ to the government.

My depleted bank account and this sandwich-induced euphoria got me to thinking of the other loyalty programs I love...

Sephora Beauty Insider
What You Get: Discounts, free samples with every 100 pts, special gifts with 500 pts, and a treat on your bday
Why I Love It: I have earned VIB status, based on the sheer quantity of lip gloss I buy and my irrational desire to smell like Jennifer Aniston at all times.

Best Buy Reward Zone
What You Get: A $5 certificate for every 250 pts, a visit from the Geeks, and free shipping
Why I Love It: I earned Premier Silver status here. You'd be surprised how many points you get for buying the full series of Dawson's Creek on DVD. That's the gift that just keeps on giving.

CVS Extra Care
What You Get: ExtraBucks to spend in the store
Why I Love It: Because you can combine these discounts. So on my last visit, I got Easter cards for the fam, a Reese's Peanut Butter egg (next to Peeps, it is the best Easter candy in all the land), nail polish remover, and a roll of toilet paper for FREE.

American Express Membership Rewards
What You Get: Points for every dollar you spend, which can be used to buy more stuff
Why I Love It: You can use these points on Amazon, just like cash, which made me the world's greatest daughter when I got my Dad a free Kindle for Christmas a few years back. But then they came out with much cooler ones. And now he wants an upgrade to the Fire. Good thing I charge my rent (kidding, they don't take Amex -- just Visa).

Jet Blue True Blue
What You Get: Free flights with no blackout dates and points that never expire
Why I Love It: Since I'm now an honorary retiree with all my trips to Del Boca Vista, I get a free trip at least once a year. You get points for checking in online.  Plus when they screw something up, they give you more points. I'm ok with that, but wonder how many points they doled out to the folks on the flight with Captain Crazypants?


Now, maybe you're thinking... why spend a couple grand to earn a sandwich, a perfume sample, $5 coupons, a lame-ass Kindle, and a ticket to sweaty Florida?

Simple: Because I like free things. Even if I'm paying for them. 

Plus I've recently graduated from extreme couponing to hoarding, so this fits right in.

List YOUR favorite loyalty programs below (fair warning: if Dave & Busters or Hooters makes this list, I will judge you)...


tags: shopping

Stick This in Your Stocking

A few months back on my birthday, I said I'd planned to spend gobs of money on silly things. And spend I did! Mainly at Sephora, my all-time favorite place to shop on my bday because the friendly lady behind the counter (who looks like she's hiding a muffin in her hair) always gives me a present.

I've since made my way through all the products you see here, and there were some clear winners. With Hanukkah upon us and Christmas just days away I thought it might be good to share a few sure-fire last-minute stocking stuffers.

First, full disclosure: Each morning, my beauty regimen consists of showering, brushing my teeth, blow-drying my hair until I start to sweat, and quickly sweeping mascara, lip gloss and blush across my face.  That's it. 

Not exactly a major undertaking.  I realize this gives me zero credibility in the beauty review arena.

But I won't let that stop me.

LIPS
I'm obsessed with lip gloss.  I probably apply it 5x per day.  There are no less than 7 featured in this picture.  If you know someone who is equally interested in maintaining a shiny smile, get them this:
>> NARS Lip Gloss in Belize (for nighttime)
>> Lancome Juicy Tubes in Pure (for daytime)
>> Fresh Sugar Lip Balm (for bedtime)

Do NOT get them this: Crest White Strips. 

HAIR
I'm obsessed with smooth hair.  I never need to check the weather, all I do is look in the mirror -- humidity is the enemy to every follicle on my thick head.  The only hairs that can resist puffing up are the wiry gray ones and I pluck those out so I can maintain my youthful facade.  If you know someone who likes smooth, nice-smelling hair too, get them this:
>> Frederic Fekkai Glossing Shampoo & Conditioner
>> Moroccan Oil Hydrating Styling Cream

Do NOT get them this: a haircut

FRAGRANCE 
I'm obsessed with finding a perfume I don't hate.  You may recall my quest to find a scent.  I've finally found something I like.  No, LOVE.  It's a famous fragrance, but try to forget that and just breathe in the beachy-goodness.  If you know someone who isn't ashamed to smell like a celebrity, get them this: 
>> Jennifer Aniston (I say this with 100% non-irony.  Smell it.  Trust me.) 
 
Do NOT get them this: Snooki for Women by Nicole Polizzi
 
 
 
When you think of splurging on someone special, you might be tempted to give a gift certificate to a spa for a mani-pedi or a massage. This would be the WORST possible gift someone could get me.  The thought of being kneaded like pizza dough by a judgemental stranger gives me hives. 
 
If your loved one is as neurotic as I am (as if that is even in the realm of possibility), she might enjoy one or all of the products above.  No unwanted touching required.
 
And don't forget to treat yourself!  Whoever said it is better to give than to receive was doing it wrong. 
 
Stuff the comments below with YOUR stocking goodies...
 
 
tags: beauty, holidays, shopping

No Scents

I have perfume on the brain.

This past week at work, we were asked to test a bunch of perfumes for a story. Of course, I missed the actual meeting where the selections were made, so I got stuck with a stinker. But it started me thinking: I really can NEVER find a fragrance I can live with, let alone, love.

Generally, I try something in the store, and I think it’s good. Then I get it home, and it mixes with me and I hate it. Or it gives me a headache. Or I hate it AND it gives me a headache.

I wasn’t always so fragrantly-challenged. Years ago I went through bottles of Eternity and Banana Republic’s Classic like they were water. Which, I guess they essentially are. But you know what I mean.

I dream of the day I can find a signature scent. Something I can smell and say, “That’s me!” To this end, I have DKNY's Be Delicious and Michael Kors, two perfectly good perfumes purchased earlier this year, that are now collecting dust on a shelf in my closet. Apparently, they were not up to the task -- once they got to know me.

I really don’t know (or care) what a top note is, and I can’t tell a tuberose from a tomato, so my quest is less about the ingredients (though musk = skunk), and more about finding something clean and fresh-smelling. Well, I thought I liked clean until I smelled one perfume actually called Clean and hated it.

I should be more specific in the future, I want to smell clean, not like Mr. Clean.

Today, I spent a leisurely afternoon Christmas shopping on 5th Ave when I came upon Sephora. I was drawn like a moth to a flame. I’m really not a huge makeup person -- a little blush, mascara and lip gloss and I’m good to go -- but I AM a girl, and this is like, Makeup Mecca. So, I went in. I’m only human.

Determined to play Beat the Nose, I made a bee-line to the Smell Wall (not to be confused with the smelly wall, which was just around the corner on 49th). I was prepared to power through every single scent my colleagues liked, and come out with a winner. I grabbed a handful of white paper test strips, then sprayed and spritzed my way down the aisle. And honestly, after the first three, I’m pretty sure I lost my ability to smell entirely. It was a full-fledged olfactory shut down. A proboscis paralysis. But at that point, I had two sales girls circling me like crows, and I looked like a crazy lady with all the scent strips poking out of my hands so I HAD to plow ahead. Until one critical point, when I accidentally sprayed some rogue scent in my mouth, because the nozzle was facing the wrong way.

I can now officially confirm that perfume tastes far worse than it smells.

Anyway, maybe it was the blinding store lights, or maybe it was the brain damage I most certainly have sustained after sucking down a serving of perfume soup, but I wound up buying two bottles: Marc Jacobs’ Daisy, in part because a card next to the display told me it was their #2 best-seller (and also because I really liked the bottle), and Donna Karan’s Cashmere Mist, mainly because I didn’t want to put all my eggs in Daisy’s basket (and this one wasn’t that expensive).

I can just picture you on the edge of your seat, waiting to see which one doesn’t make me barf. You’ll have to stay tuned...

In the meantime, if all else fails, I heard Burger King came out with a fragrance that smells just like a flame-broiled Whopper. This could be effective in luring stray dogs, and drunk/stoned guys home. Once they invent one called Cheesesteak, I’m totally in.

So, do you have a signature fragrance? (And if you do, mind if I steal it??)

Picture This

I’m sure you NEVER have downtime at work. Ever. Especially as the Suits take off to sun themselves in St. Barts and leave the little people (elves?) behind to wrap up the fun-filled year that was 2008.

But on the rare occasion that you do, you really need to play around with these sites...

MISTLETOE MAKEOVER

Call me a narcissist, but I love putting my face on things. Enter Sephora’s Mistletoe Makeover. It should be called Hoochie Holiday. Upload your photo into 4 (kinda freaky) looks -- Santa’s Little Temptress, Merry Berry, Smokey Sugar Plum, and O Tannen Babe -- then let the merriment begin. If you like your makeup good and cake-y, you can even buy the look! And then wear it. In the dark.

PHO-HO-HOTO BOOTH

Not nearly as animated, but almost more fun is the Pho-ho-hoto Booth from Union Studio. I don’t even know what to make of this. It’s like Glamour Shots for the criminally insane. Take a trip back to 1980 and get your stockings stuffed with bedazzled sweaters and permed mullets. I liked this one because if you knew me in the 8th grade, you'd know I occasionally rocked the side ponytail. And if you’ve yet to get your holiday cards out, this may be your best bet. Your friends will think you are cheap and twisted as a candy cane, but funny.

ELF YOURSELF

Of course, this list wouldn’t be complete without OfficeMax’s famous Elf Yourself that caused a flurry last year. It's back and better than ever. Faster than you can say “Midgets Scare Me,” your inner elf takes center-stage in a Disco, Charleston, Classic, or Country music video and dances better than you do. Honestly, seeing my giant head bounce around really never gets old.

I could do this ALL day (but I won’t, Pam, I promise!).

Anybody have other sites I should be checking out during totally non-working hours??