The End of an Era

The ashtrays are empty.  The ice cubes have melted.

Mad Men is over.

I still remember bingeing on the first season. I had a DVD set that was packaged like a metal Zippo flip-top lighter. I lost that in a breakup. How fitting...

For better or worse, this has always been Don Draper's story -- it's his world and everyone else was just living in it. Quick to turn a phrase. A chameleon. Ageless. Timeless. Shameless. Suave. Unpredictable. Addicted. A lady-killer. 

Dangerous. 

I've long thought that they've always told us how this would end.  That free-fall through Madison Ave in the opening credits is symbolic, I think, of how the show started with Don at the ultimate high.  He had it all.  On the surface, anyway.  Then season by season, show by show, they chipped away at his perfect exterior.

His career, relationships, and sanity unraveled amidst the pretty pictures.

Would he kill himself? Or put an end to the larger-than-life Don Draper and become someone new? Or go back to being insignificant Dick Whitman?

Now that I've seen the finale, I think I wasn't totally off base. He's definitely having a massive identity crisis and the Don Draper we've known for 7 seasons ceases to exist.  Though, a big part of me wishes that he was inspired by that hippie retreat, went back to the ad game, and made that iconic multi-culti mountaintop "I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke" commercial for McCann.

I guess the truth lies somewhere inbetween.

But one thing is crystal clear: Tonight proved that the show has been as much about Peggy as it has been about Don. It's his healthiest (only?) relationship.

I loved her getting together with Stan too, but if you think about it, Peggy & Don are the central couple here. They had many special moments together, from the time he visited her in the hospital after she gave her baby away ("It will shock you how much it never happened"), to the day when they slow-danced to Sinatra in the office ("I worry about a lot of things, but I don't worry about you"), to tonight with that heartbreaking collect call ("I messed everything up, I'm not the man you think I am").

He never put the moves on her. He's been a confidant. A mentor. A truth-cannon. She makes him... human.  

Maybe the only other person he ever felt loyal to was Roger Sterling.  He's hands-down my favorite character. He was the coolest. He stole every scene. Roger never disappoints.

John Slattery isn't bad either.

I feel satisfied -- mostly -- with this finale (NOT like the Sopranos, I'm still bitter about that).  Since this has always been a show about the power of words, I'll end with a tribute to the 6 main characters using the lines written for them.

Here are my favorite quotes:

• Roger "Not One For Subtlety" Sterling: "I gotta go learn a bunch of people's names before I fire them." (from: Long Weekend, Season 4)

• Peggy "The Accidental Feminist" Olson: "The University Club said the only way I could eat dinner there is if I arrived in a cake." (from: The Beautiful Girls, Season 4)

• Joan "Smarter Than Her Boobs Look" Holloway Harris: "One minute you're on the top of the world, the next minute some secretary's running you over with a lawnmower." (from: My Old Kentucky Home, Season 3)

• Pete "The Charlie Brown of Madison Ave" Campbell: "Don't act like you had a plan. You're Tarzan, swinging from vine to vine." (from: Basket of Kisses, Season 6)

• Betty "Denial Isn't Just a River in Egypt" Draper Francis: "That poor girl. She doesn't know that loving you is the worst way to get to you." (from: The Better Half, Season 6)

• Don "A Marketer After My Own Heart" Draper: "What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons." (from: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, Season 1) and "People tell you who they are, but we ignore it -- because we want them to be who we want them to be." (from: The Summer Man, Season 4)

Anybody need a hug?

And anybody hope for a spinoff Three's Company-style with Peggy, Stan, and Joan?  I can see the shag carpet now.  Plus, his hair toss is EVERYTHING.

Or maybe that's just me.

What did YOU think of the finale?  Pitch me your ideas below... bonus points if you do it in Pig Latin.


tags: entertainment, pop culture

Mind the Gap

So, a cool thing happened at work today.

See this pic?  It was taken by a colleague as another colleague of ours (who is a pretty inspiring gal herself) moderated a Town Hall discussion on equal pay with the President.

The President of the United States?

Yep.  We go way back...

Why were we there?  Because yesterday was Equal Pay Day.  Did anyone wish you a happy one?

Probably not.

That's because it takes a woman until April 14th of the following year (an 104 extra days "in the red!") to make what her male colleagues make in 365.  Keep in mind, this is for doing the same work.

Put a different way, on average, a woman earns 78 cents to a man's dollar -- for women of color, it only gets worse. So at the current rate, women won't reach parity until 2058.

Will you still be working then?  As much as I love my job, I certainly won't. You'll find me in a yellow mu-mu on a sandy beach under a very large straw hat drinking an ice-cold glass of Ensure.

Ahhhh.  Smooth.

But even if I do slog it out until I'm 100 and climb all the way up to the C-suite, today only 26 Fortune 500 companies have female CEOs.

That can't be right... right?!

To be clear, I don't believe in my heart of hearts that the companies of the world are actively conspiring against us. I doubt a bunch of old, wrinkly, white dudes sit in a sauna every Tuesday at 2 to joke about how little they can pay their women (except maybe at Goodyear).

I'm really not that cynical.

I DO think that women often start out making (accepting?) less.  And then every single cost of living increase, raise or bonus they EVER receive represents a percentage of that number.

My number was $18K.

That's what I made nearly 20 years ago in my very first job in Parsippany, NJ, as an editorial assistant for a children's textbook company.  And everything I've gotten since then has had to pivot off what was essentially less than a year's tuition.  Back when college was still affordable.

And maybe I'm lucky!  Who knows?  But it was a loooong way to dig out.

So, this is the ONE piece of advice I give to every intern I meet: Get the most you can when you graduate, because that starting salary will factor into the rest of your career.

Now, people definitely dispute the 78 cents disparity.  They say it's because women make choices to focus on family or education to achieve that elusive (impossible?) work-life balance.  And that means they work less hours, so it's inherently not equal work and shouldn't be compensated as such.

Is that true?

Well, I can't speak for ALL women, but for THIS woman, who isn't making "choices" and IS betting everything on her career, I can think of no less than 3 companies I've worked for in the past where I was paid less and/or given less opportunity for advancement than my equally non-choosy (yet skilled, educated, and hard-working) male colleagues.

Equal pay SHOULD be for equal work! I'm not entitled to it, I EARN it every day. And I suspect you do, too.

But look at the positioning of the Town Hall today: Obama talks to Mommy Bloggers. Grrrr...

Sidenote: Not sure who decided that a female + a blog = the ultra-patronizing nickname "mommy blogger." Wait, did I have kids and I forgot?  No, seriously. I even looked under the couch cushions.  No kids here!

(And yes, that makes me sad, but that's a whoooole other discussion.)

My point is that woman doesn't always equal mom. (Does anyone call guys "daddy bloggers?" No, we don't, because it's dumb).  And yet, most of the discussion on equal pay centers around how does it impact women and their families?

It's an interesting nuance, I think.

I feel like, as women, we don’t often allow ourselves to ask for things solely because they benefit us – especially at work -- be it equal pay, a raise, a promotion, or a day off.  It needs to be qualified in some way.  Necessary to support your kids, or for some other greater good, rather than because WE went to school and we work hard and we earned it.

For ourselves.

Now, if you're still reading and are unconvinced this is a pretty serious issue, I've saved the best/worst for last.  Go ahead and plunk your age and salary into this lost earnings calculator (and fellas, don't feel left out here -- if your lady makes less, so do you).

Thanks, Gap Inc., for advancing the discussion on equal pay -- how fitting!  I will put my money where your pants are.

Then maybe someday, old bran flakes over here can afford to buy that house on the beach.


So, what say YOU?  Is the pay gap a genuine thing?  Or a gimmick?  Share your 2 cents below...


tags: politics, rants, work

50 Shades of Peeps

I read someplace that each Easter, Americans buy more than 700 million Peeps.

Now, I would like to show you my coffee table.

Oh, you can't see it?  Maybe that's because it's coated in Peeps. I'm pretty sure I now own about 2 million of them.

Before you worry that I've lost my Peepin mind, please know that I bought these for Science.

First, I wrote an extremely important article at work on Peeps and manicures (somebody had to).  And second, I felt it was my duty as a Peep lover to try every last kind and share my findings with you.

Now, as any Peep aficionado will tell you, the ONLY way to eat them is stale -- and head first. Just slice open the package and let those chicks and bunnies breathe like a fine wine. It may be tempting, but eating a fresh, fluffy Peep is like drinking boxed wine.

Cheap thrills.

On to the taste test!  Grab a rack and munch along...

Classic Chicks Taste Test: Pink, Yellow, Blue, Purple, Green & Orange
Winner: YELLOW!
I know these all taste the same, but I am a purist.  Yellow is the only way to go.

Classic Bunnies Taste Test: Pink, Yellow, Purple, Green & Blue
Winner: PINK!
Again, yes, they taste the same but just as chicks are yellow, the best bunnies are pink.

Peeps Minis Taste Test: Vanilla Creme, Strawberry Creme, Sour Watermelon, Chocolate Creme
Winner: VANILLA CREME!
These are all pretty gross (Watermelon, talking to YOU), and they are weirdly deflated, so take the win with a grain of sugar... er... salt.

Peeps Mystery Taste Test: Mystery Bunnies & Mystery Chicks
Winner: MYSTERY CHICKS!
These limited-edition bunnies (sour apple?) and chicks (pineapple?) were more fun to guess than to eat. 

Chocolate-Covered Peep Taste Test: Milk & Dark Chocolate Peepsters & Milk & Dark Chocolate-Covered Peeps
Winner: DARK CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEEP
Dipping these in choc makes them beyond sweet, so while I usually go for milk, dark is the better bet here.

Peeps Delights Taste Test: Orange, Lemon & Lime
Winner: LEMON!
These would be better if they weren't also dipped in tropical chocolate, but lemon is as refreshing as a marshmallow can be.

Chocolate-Dipped Peeps Taste Test: Plain, Strawberry,  Sugar Cookie, Milk & Dark Chocolate
Winner: MILK CHOCOLATE!
I don't love any of these, but if I had to pick, I'm going with this little fella.

Peeps Novelties: Bunnies & Peeps on a Stick, Decorated Eggs & the Jumbo Bunny
Winner: RAINBOW PEEPS ON A STICK!
This is just fun to eat.  Plus mine was already stale, which was ok by me.

Peeps Flavors Taste Test: Blue Raspberry, Sour Watermelon, Sweet Lemonade, Bubble Gum, Party Cake & Orange Creme
Winner: ORANGE CREME!
This was the best part -- the rest of these (minus the Lemonade) are totally inedible (especially Bubble Gum -- blech).
But Orange tastes just like a Creamsicle and is totally delicious.  I wish I had another pack.  Or seven.

To summarize: Go for the yellow chicks, the pink bunnies, and if you find the Orange Creme, give me a call.

Thank God I got to the bottom of this.

Now, this is what happens when you have too much time and too many Peeps on your hands. This is my dining room table -- the coffee table could not possibly contain all this Peep-y goodness.

And yes, there are more than 50 different kinds of Peeps up in here:

Finally, I know today is Easter, and that's cool, but tomorrow is the better holiday.

It's the Day-After-Easter Candy Sale (aka Pink Monday).  Ok okaaay, I just made up that nickname, but the holiday is 100% legit.

Here's how you participate:
1) Go to CVS and clear out a shelf of cheap Easter candy
2) Pay for it (don't forget your mile-long receipt)
3) Eat all the deliciousness knowing every pound you gain is a dollar you saved

But be quick like a bunny -- chubby grandmas get up early!


tags: food, holidays, taste tests

Bunny Treats

I hate eggs.  Actual, from a chicken, eggs.  Can't stand 'em.

All kinds?  Yes.  But what about [insert gag-worthy eggy dish here]?  Nooo thank you.  What?!?  Get over it.

As far as I'm concerned, the MVP of the Easter basket is the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg.  I could eat a whole rack before the ham hits the table.

Now, everyone knows the single wrapped egg is a tease.  Real eggs travel in packs.  Buy the sixer.

But if you haven't noticed, Reese's bunnies have been busy multiplying.  Just in case the bright neon lights of your local drug store, super store, or super market make you woozy and you accidentally pick up a different Reese's Easter candy, do NOT panic.

I am here for you.

I have tried them all, and have the ill-fitting pants to prove it.  Here's what should hop, skip, and jump right into your piehole.

Let's start with the duds.  You'll want to skip these:

Skip Reester Bunnies

Here's why:
They just don't taste very good.  The peanut butter to chocolate ratio is totally off.  The only thing this dude has going for him is that he is not hollow -- THOSE are an abomination.  Still, he's only smiling because he tricked you into buying a sub-par bunny.

Skip Reese's Novelties

Here's why:
These are a flash in the pan.  I think they're supposed to tempt you with their unusual shapes.  And the orange Reese's Pieces carrot is kind of cute.  But the rest of them stink.  The big yellow egg was a hodgepodge that included the white egg (gross). The 8 egg carton was just silly.  And the chicken sitting on top of a stack of mini cups is like a lazy man's Pez dispenser, but no where near as fun.

Skip All Reese's Minis

Here's why:
These are dangerous.  They are small, and it's way too easy to eat 10 without realizing it.  But they taste like sadness because they're inferior to the full-sized Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or Reese's Peanut Butter Egg.  If you like these little nuggets better, you probably also like black jelly beans.  And we can't be friends.

Sorry.





Ok, now for the good stuff.  Hop right on over to these:

Giant Reese's Eggs

Here's why:
These are GIANT eggs.  Loaded with peanut butter.  That you need to cut with a knife.

Do I really need to say more?

Reese's Pieces Eggs

Here's why:
These are actually tasty.  I thought they would be bad.  I was crazy.  Imagine the Cadbury Mini Egg if it was made from peanut butter.  Sounds pretty good, right?  It is.  But avoid the weird Eggbeaters carton package and just buy the sack. Also, get yourself some of those Cadbury Mini Eggs.  They're also quite delicious.

(I'm sure you can guess how I feel about gloopy Cadbury Creme Eggs.  Cluck no.)

Classic Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs

Here's why:
These make life worth living.  Nom nom nom nom nom.











Is there anything better than seasonal chocolate treats?  Well, yes, I can think of about 10 things without even trying.  Still, they're pretty tasty.  List your own faves below...

Thank you, Easter Bunny!


tags: food, holidays, taste tests

Up in the Air

I spent a good chunk of February flying the friendly skies.

I went to Phoenix, Orlando, Chicago, and San Francisco, on US Airways, United, JetBlue, American (first class -- woo hoo), Delta, and just today on Virgin America. I'm pretty sure 6 airlines on 4 trips is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do to rack up miles.

Anyway, it was my first time on Virgin, so I was curious to see how it matched up to my first love, JetBlue.

I can say with confidence that Virgin wins on: cool boarding passes, mood lighting, and the most epic video in the history of safety (see it below -- srsly).

The airlines tie on: newness of planes, niceness of crew, good in-flight entertainment, and paid snacks.

JetBlue wins on: price, seat comfyness, stretchy legroom (by a kneecap), and yummy, unlimited free snacks.

So, JB is still my fave.  But VA was still pretty cool.  Know what wasn't cool?  The jerkoff who sat next to me.

Actually, let me be clear: Nobody was *technically* next to me. I was in my beloved window seat and HE was in the aisle seat.  But he sure made himself at home.

Sack full of his food on the empty seat?  Check.  His big fat carry-on bag on the empty floor?  Yup.  His drinks strewn about the empty tray table?  You bet.  Mind you, this is in addition to is OWN actual seat/floor/table.  He spread his shit out like he was the Oscar Madison of the skies.

An empty middle seat is a gift!  It is not to be taken lightly!  I don't understand how someone could be so arrogant and presumptuous to take up all that neutral shared space. I wanted to say something but I thought, I'm stuck with this fool for 5 hrs, let's not make it miserable.  But my blood boiled with each item that inched my way.

About 3 hours in, gum wrappers were my final straw. I leaned over Garbage Mountain and asked...

"Did you purchase this seat?"
"No," he sneered.
"You're ALL OVER the place!" I said, while waving my hands around. "I'm just in this tiny little spot!"
"Well..." he stammered, "you can use it too."
"WHERE?!?"

Message delivered. He began packing up the junk.  The food bag went inside the carry-on bag, he folded up the spare tray, and miracle of miracles, he found room for his drinks on his table. But the war wasn't over.

This grown man fought back with an "assive" aggressive gas attack that stunk like death and toenails.

Vile human.

We didn't speak again until it was time to de-plane.  We were in row 17, and he sat until the bitter end, blocking me in even though I was actively getting scoliosis because I'm too tall to stand under an overhead bin.

At that time, he turned to me and shouted, "YOU'RE VERY RUDE!!"

My head almost popped off.

Then, he scurried away in a fart cloud.

So, did I overreact?  (maybe.)  Did he deserve it?  (yes.)  Do two rudes make a right?  (I dunno.)

Vote in the poll:


Ok, okaaaay, maybe I need to cool my jets. Or start calling myself Maverick.  I blame the 'roids.

Let's end on a high note with that safety video.  It's worth a watch.  I dare you not to smile and sing along:



tags: polls, travel

Super Bowl Ad Showdown

It's been a while, huh?  Happy 2015!

Sorry I haven't blogged in ages.  I've been busy practicing urban bee-keeping.

Who am I kidding?  I can't even keep a plant alive.  (No, seriously, my aunt gave me a ficus a few weeks ago and already it's on death's door.)

What I've really been busy doing is working.  And watching TV.  And working.

Well, as luck would have it, the Super Bowl is where my love of work and TV collide.  I guess the game was exciting, but as always, I'm in it for the commercials.  And the snacks.

Most brands release their commercials in advance, so on the Friday before the game, we gathered with a great bunch of teenage girls around a Snackadium and asked them to watch a few ads for the way women were depicted in them.  But little did we know this would be the year of the Super Sentimental Bowl.  Paying for hamburgers with hugs?  Check.  Crying dads in cars?  Check.  Cat's in the Cradle?  Check.  Puppies?  Of course!

I didn't know whether to throw a flag or a hankie.  None of those made my list.

Here are my faves from SB49:

Funniest Commercial: "Very Brady" by Snickers



Sexiest Commercial: "Little Blue Pill" by Fiat



Best Use of Celebrities: "Invisible Mindy" by Nationwide



Best Commercial I've Seen Before: "#LikeaGirl" by Always



 Best Commercial That Never Aired: "Angels Play Football" by Victoria's Secret



Most Depressing Commercial Ever In the History of Advertising: "Make Safe Happen" by Nationwide



Best Video of Teens Reviewing Commercials (because I made it)



Agree?  Disagree?  Are you still reading?  Tell me all about it below...


tags: commercials, holidays, sports, work

A Gluten-Free Holiday Feast

Is gluten-free a fad?

I dunno. But I think it is helping me feel better (if only in my mind). Like I said, it's pretty easy to keep to a GF diet during your normal life, but here's 2 places when it's hard: 1) while traveling, and 2) during the holidays.

For instance, I was in San Fran and Park City earlier this month and every food court was filled with nothing but sandwiches, pizza, and burgers. I had no choice but to eat airport sushi to stay on the wagon.

Yep. I like to live dangerously.

The holidays can be even trickier, especially with wheat-y staples like stuffing, gravy, bread, macaroni & cheese, cupcakes and pie tempting your tastebuds. What's a girl to do? Make a totally gluten-free homemade holiday feast!

And guess what?

It was good. Seriously!

Not... not horrible. Not good... all things considered. Just plain good. Tasty, even! So, here's a rundown of what I made, and how you can make it too.

Side note: I don't like to follow recipes, but I'm linking to some recipes I used for inspiration because didn't want this post to be 52 pages long describing exactly how I made each dish.

Side note 2: Food tastes better if you have the proper inspiration while cooking.  I watched a double feature of Julie & Julia and Big Night. Twice. But really, any food-centric movie will do -- Chef and The Hundred Foot Journey, or Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Ratatouille would also be delightful duos.

Bon appetit!

Think I'm kidding? Check out this feast! All. Gluten. Free.
Only keep reading if you like delicious food...

For starters, I made apps that were super easy. Cheese & GF crackers (Breton,
Mediterranean & Glutino), sopersatta, veggies, chips, Snyder's GF pretzels,
and a delightful nut medely made with cashews, pistachios, dried cranberries, and Raisinettes. 

Ok, okaaaay, I cooked ONE app. Brown sugar-coated bacon-wrapped dates.
Because they are delicious.

Then, I made creamy butternut squash soup with apple and sherry.
An immersion blender will make this silky smooth, but you can use a reg blender too,
just be careful if the soup is hot. You don't want to wear it. And don't skip the heavy cream
or the sherry (go for dry, I got a brand called Taylor for $8 from the liquor store downstairs).

I could have made biscuits with GF Bisquick, but instead I picked up Bob's Red Mill GF cornbread mix,
and prepared it according to the package. Plus, I added a can of corn to the mix. And some extra milk
so it was less dry. Also, I served it with orange honey butter and Sarabeth's cranberry relish.
Aaand, I bought this cute cast-iron pan from C&B so I could feel like a pilgrim. Or a cowboy.

Gizzards and bones aren't for me. So I made boneless turkey breasts. Three, to be exact.
Blasphemous? Maybe. I don't care. One thing to note: Turns out chicken broth can have gluten in it!
So, see that box of College Inn in the background? Don't buy it. And definitely don't buy
three of them to go with your three breasts.

Every turkey needs gravy. Unfortunately most aren't GF. I prefer brown beef gravy over
tan turkey gravy and got a mix from McCormick. Then, I realized one packet wasn't enough
so I added more Kitchen Basics GF stock and Cup for Cup GF flour, and baby portobello mushrooms.  

This GF stuffing with sausage, apples, onions, celery, dried cranberries and sage was really, really good.
I didn't follow a recipe here, but I recommend getting Schar GF sandwich bread and
cutting it into cubes. And Jones pork sausage. And more GF stock. The rest takes care of itself.

I could lick the screen right now. This is a sweet potato gratin with sage and smoked gouda.
And it is my new favorite side dish. I also made a heaping pile of buttery masted potatoes,
but you know what that looks like.

This is a roasted veggie dish I made out of guilt from all those starchy sides. It's rainbow
carrots, parsnips, squash and cipollini onions, but you could use anything here. I got tired,
so I didn't mix them with maple, bacon, and pecans. But if I had, it would have looked like this.

Speaking of starchy sides, I made cheesy stovetop mac & cheese, using my own recipe,
but with Barilla GF elbow macaroni and GF flour instead. Side note: This also freezes pretty well.
Put individual portions in Gladware, freeze, then when you want one, microwave for about 6 minutes,
stirring every 2. Add a few splashes of milk along the way to make it super creamy again.

I guess pumpkin or pecan is a more traditional holiday pie, but I love apple. I couldn't find
GF pie crust and I hate to bake so I didn't make my own. Instead, I used these ramekins
to make individual apple pie crisps with Comstock's apple pie filling. I ground up some
Schar graham crackers with butter to make a crust and added brown sugar topping.

Betty Crocker makes GF yellow cake mix so I whipped up a batch of cupcakes too. I'll be honest,
of all the GF goodies, this one has a bizarre texture, but if you add in the vanilla extract like they
recommend, it tastes pretty much the same. And regular frosting works here because
it never had gluten to begin with. Sweet.

Finally, a holiday feast isn't complete without leftovers. Here's a turkey salad I made
with cheddar & gouda cheeses, roasted pecans, pears, and red grapes.

Ok, now I'm hungry.

Do you have any gluten-free go-to recipes? Share them below...


tags: food, holidays, recipes

The Loveseat Potato Is Back

Fall TV is in full swing but I... I mean, the Loveseat Potato... likes to bag a few episodes of each new show before passing judgment.

It's takes a while for this potato to really cook!

Of course, that means that by the time you read this, some of these shows have been cancelled and others are ready for their winter break. It also means that if you aren't already watching the spuds below, you should fire up your on-demand and catch up!

I started these reviews in 2009 and followed up in 2010 with a fascinating (ahem) account of my DVR schedule juggling act. Mrs. Potato Head made a guest appearance in 2011.  The Loveseat Potato was born (picked? harvested?) in 2012.  In 2013, she found a spuddy buddy to watch along.

Now, she's got 7 potato pets that look suspiciously like cats. (This isn't a glimpse into my future...right?)

This year, she watched 35 different shows for you.  So without further delay, chew on this...

BEST NEW COMEDY
SPUD: Jane the Virgin (CW)

WHY IT'S A SMASH:  It's the classic story of a girl (Jane) who's gyno accidentally pops a fertilized egg into her uterus, so she gets knocked up.  That's a bit of a wrinkle because she's still got her V-card, and has been saving it for her marriage to a cop, who, as luck would have it, is investigating the baby daddy & mommy.  If Ugly Betty, Gilmore Girls and Melrose Place had a baby it would be this show.

Honorable mention goes to: Manhattan Love Story (ABC -- CANCELLED), Black-ish (ABC), Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce (Bravo -- premieres on 12/2)

DUDS: Marry Me (NBC -- I want so badly to like this one, but I don't), Selfie (ABC -- CANCELLED -- John Cho: take heart, this was a mercy killing), Bad Judge (NBC -- CANCELLED), A to Z (NBC -- CANCELLED), The McCarthy's (CBS)

BEST NEW DRAMA:
SPUD: The Affair (Showtime)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: A much-needed escape after the intensity of Homeland on Sunday nights.  Sure, it centers on a steamy affair between 2 married cheaters, but what's cool is that each episode tells the same story first from his POV, then from hers. There's also a mystery woven in.  Plus, the theme song from Fiona Apple is pretty great.  Only thing that bugs me is that this is set in Montauk & Brooklyn but there's not a single NY accent to be found.  Then, I remember Pacey is in this too and all is forgiven.

Honorable mention goes to: Gracepoint (FOX), Stalker (CBS  -- Joss Whedon + creepy 80s songs at the end of every episode + Dylan McDermott = good TV), Scorpion (CBS)

DUDS: Madam Secretary (CBS -- nobody can possibly believe this premise and Tea Leoni is woefully mis-cast), Gotham (FOX -- I think I just don't like Batman), Constantine (NBC), Forever (ABC), The Mysteries of Laura (NBC -- Debra Messing is the least believable lady cop in history), How to Get Away With Murder (ABC -- see below for more)

BEST NEW REALITY:
SPUD: My Crazy Love (Oxygen)

WHY IT'S A SMASH: This show is totally ridiculous, and that's why I like it. A seemingly sane person (who may or may not be an actor) speaks to us via a webcam about the crazy things they've done for love while actual bad actors re-enact the story. So far, somebody pretended to be deaf for 7 months, lied about moving to LA to get her boyfriend to propose and instead went to live with her parents, killed a possum on a first date, got a tooth knocked out while pretending to be a basketball star to impress a colleague, and got arrested for stalking (they later married).  How can you not watch this?

Honorable mention goes to: The Jenni Garth Project (HGTV), Love Prison (A&E -- CANCELLED -- it was like an accident, can't look, can't look away), Married at First Sight (FYI)

DUDS: Manzo'd with Children (Bravo -- the whole premise is off because the sons live in my apt building not at home with mama), Slednecks (MTV), Euros of Hollywood (Bravo), Utopia (FOX -- CANCELLED)

BEST NEW COOKING OR COMPETITION:
SPUD: Hungry Games (Food Network)

WHY IT'S A SMASH:
This show is all about the connection your brain has with your tastebuds. Richard Blais is like a hipper Alton Brown.  He's relaxed a bit since his days as a contestant on Top Chef, and is pretty entertaining to watch.  So far, they've investigated and experimented with ice cream, pizza, burgers, diners, bar food, and BBQ.  Plus, the cherry on top is that I feel smarter afterwards because it's chock-filled with fun facts.

Honorable mention goes to: Nail'd It (Oxygen -- for obvious reasons)

DUDS: Food Truck Face Off (Food Network -- I've fallen asleep 3x during this show -- sorry Jesse Palmer, but zzzzzzzz.....), Fix My Choir (Oxygen), Project Runway: Threads (Lifetime), Kitchen Inferno (Food Network), Holiday Baking Championship (Food Network)

MOST DISAPPOINTING SHOW OF THE FALL SEASON:
DUD: How to Get Away with Murder (ABC)

WHY IT'S A ROTTEN POTATO: Of all the new shows, this was the one that looked the best. Shonda Rimes?  Viola Davis?  Murder?  Hellooooo...sign me up!  The premise is simple enough.  A lawyer/law professor's husband is killed -- did she do it and if so, can she get away with it?  Here's the thing: My head must be filled with mashed potatoes because I can't seem to follow this dumb show. It flips around in time with no warning so I never know what day it is or who knows what.  She makes no sense either -- how can someone be a ruthless barracuda in the courtroom and SUCH a complete basketcase in her life? And I'm totally distracted by one of the students who looks exactly like C. Thomas Howell in the ill-conceived 80's embarassment: Soul Man.  Every week I vow I'm going to stop watching and every week the promo for next week's episode pulls me in -- the commercials I understand. But I'm honestly at the point where I don't care who killed her husband.  I hope it was her and she goes to jail.  The End.


Agree?  Disagree?  See something I missed?  Put the DVR on pause and comment below...


tags: entertainment

The Best Pasta Salad I've Ever Eaten

I've gone gluten-free. So anything made with wheat = no bueno.

It's been about 4 months and it's actually going pretty good.  I started because I heard it helps reduce inflammation.  Knowing myself, I needed something like this that could be more of a lifestyle change than a true diet (though I have lost about 20lbs in the process!).  Apparently, going vegan is even better to bring down swelling, but I could never, ever give up dairy. 

My middle name is Cheese.  And also, TV.  And also, Michelle.

Subconsciously, I think it was a way for me to control SOMETHING when my health was on a bottomless downward spiral.  Truth is, though, even now that I've rebounded I don't mind the restrictions.

Mostly.

I never really noticed before, but GF substitutes are everywhere! From grocery stores to restaurants, it's pretty easy to stay on track because everybody who's anybody is swapping wheat for rice. You learn about new brands like Udi's, Van's, and Glutino but even Ronzoni, Bisquick and Betty Crocker have jumped in the ring.

Gluten's kinda sneaky (FACT: it lurks in soy sauce).  You'd be surprised what never had gluten to begin with and is totally ok to eat.  Like, Cheetos (FACT: they are delicious). When I do fall off the gluten wagon, it's usually for fluffy pancakes, crispy pizza, crusty bagels, or a cozy bowl of pasta.

But that's not my fault, that's Science.

Anyway, I've been eating lots of salads.  Do you know what my favorite kind of salad used to be?  Pasta salad!  Let me be clear: not nasty supermarket counter mayonnaise-y elbow macaroni pasta salad.  Fancy pasta salad.

The best I've ever had was at a restaurant in Scottsdale, AZ, called Cowboy Ciao.  They're famous for their Stetson Salad, and for good reason: it's savory and sweet and crunchy and creamy and super addictive. So much so, that when I came home, I HAD to recreate it -- and make it even better with more of the things I like.

Next time I cheat, it will totally be with this here cowboy...


THE STETSON CHOPPED SALAD

TIME: 10 minutes cook time, 30 minutes prep time

SERVES: 4 people once, or a single gal for 4 nights

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 cups of Israeli couscous (if you find a GF kind, let me know!)
• 4oz of smoked salmon
• A handful of grape tomatoes, quartered
• 1 can of corn nibblets, drained
• A few tbsps of sunflower seeds
• A handful of dried cranberries (or Craisins or Plum Amazins)
• Shredded asiago cheese 
• Guacamole ranch dressing (as much as you like)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Go shopping for all this stuff -- and find a more economical way to do it than I did.  It cost me $34.62, and I didn't even care. Yep, this is THAT good.  Also, I mis-manage my money so my tolerance for overspending is quite high.
2. Come home and make the couscous according to whatever the box says.  Make sure you get the Israeli kind that looks like pasta pearls, not the tiny kind that looks like seedy sand.  They will probably tell you to toast the couscous, then boil and drain it.  Feel free to skip the toast part -- I never have the energy for that step and it still tastes just fine.
3. Lay the couscous in a bed at the bottom of deep dish bowl and let it cool off.  Later, you'll be making stripey layers on top of the couscous with each of the ingredients.  This may seem unnecessary, but it is not.  Organized food tastes better.
4. Chop up the smoked salmon.  This is the best part of the salad.  If you don't like salmon, get over it.  It's the bacon of the sea.  If you do, it's up to you how much to spend here, but since you'll be eating it with a whole bunch of other stuff, no one will know if you buy the cheaper packaged kind.
5. Cut all the grape tomatoes into fourths so the pieces are small and will blend in with the rest of the chopped salad.  If you can't find grape, use cherry and cut into eighths, but beware those have more greenish oozy tomato guts inside.
6. Open (and drain) the can of corn, the dried fruit, the cheese, and the sunflower seeds.  Feel free to substitute anything you want here, but you're looking for a mix of sweet (corn), sweet chewy (fruit), salty (cheese), and salty crunchy (seeds).  Also, use these in any amount you like.  I added measurements because this is a recipe, but the truth is I never use them when I cook.  Or assemble pretty salads.
7. Remember those stripey layers I mentioned in Step 3?  Now's the time to make them.  Start with the salmon down the center and build out from there.  You should be able to fit 7 in total, including one for a peek at the couscous that lies underneath.
8. Now bring this to the table and let your friends and family oooh and ahhh.  Take a victory lap. You earned it!  Incidentally, this is how they do it in the restaurant, too.
9. Last step is to mix it all up, tableside. Pour the creamy guacamole ranch dressing on top and go to town.  Yes, I said, "creamy," as in fatty -- skinny cooks can't be trusted.  If you can't find the guacamole kind of ranch, get some guacamole and mix it with some good old-fashioned ranch.  It's really not complicated.
10. Now chow down. Shouting "Yee Haw!" with a mouthful of food is 100% optional. You should probably chew and swallow first.

So, is a salad really a salad if it doesn't contain anything green? 

And can you seriously not wait to make this at home?  Go!  Do it.  Then mosey on over to the comments and tell me how it was.


tags: food

Dear Ikea,

We had some sweet times together, didn't we?

Remember how I frolicked through the long, winding aisles of your stores in Elizabeth and Paramus, leaving no corner or unpronounceable product unexplored?  Recall, those cozy afternoons spent between the pages of your glossy annual catalog?  Think back to the days I lovingly assembled Markor, Hemnes, Billy, Ingolf, Lack, and some other guys I can't remember the names of?

I think I still have the wrenches.

Well, Ikea, it pains me to say it, but I'm through with you!  Our 20-year love affair is O-V-E-R. 

You're dumped. 

It all started innocently enough.  Back in August, I was looking for a few more pieces of furniture for my new apartment, and of course I went straight to you.  Why wouldn't I?  You're economical, stylish, durable (I've moved 6x!), and I take a special pride in building furniture with my own two hands. 

You make me feel like the Swedish lovechild of Michelangelo, IM Pei, and Frank Lloyd Wright!

But since I needed 2 dressers for the bedroom PLUS a console for the foyer AND a desk/decorative cabinet for the living/dining room, I figured a solo trip to the store with a rented van was ill-advised.  So, I decided to order online and go for the convenient home delivery service you promote everywhere.

Mistake #1.

First, no matter how many times I visit your site, you never remember that I'm in the US.  Why?  That's pretty basic info, easily cookied.  Ok, maybe you want me to work for it.  So I clicked around and found about $900 worth of furniture, that I whittled down to $400 (aka a dresser and a desk) in an effort to be sensible.

(You should also know your online shopping experience was a bit clunky and Ask Anna is totally useless.)

I went to checkout, and added another $100 for home delivery bringing my total to roughly $500.  I entered my credit card.  I chose a delivery date (September 2nd, a Tuesday).  I got a confirmation number.  AND an email!  Great, I thought.  My furniture was on the way. 

Then, I waited.

Mistake #2.

The whole week passed and no delivery. So on that Friday morning I phoned you.  I got bounced around from post-sales to pre-sales and back to post only to find out I really needed to speak with the fraud department.  Apparently, my order had been flagged -- though nobody bothered to send an email, or make a call, or fling an ABBA record at my head to let me know. 

How could I have a confirmation number AND delivery date if this order was flagged as fraud?

(And don't even get me STARTED on all these hackers ripping off our credit card numbers. C'mon, gigantic banks and big box stores... get it together.  Some scruffy joker with an Acer he grabbed from a dumpster behind Radio Shack is eating your lunch.  And mine.)

Anyway, this Scooby Doo riddle took 45 minutes, which made me late for work, so I couldn't hop into the Mystery Machine to figure it out.  She offered to call me back.

I said ok.

Mistake #3.

Obviously, nobody called.  Which is baffling to me!  Was that bozo Anna hogging the phone again?  Nobody in your WHOLE company feels like following up on a $500 order?  Is the road to riches SO paved with Swedish meatballs and lingonberry sauce that you don't really NEED my money?

You played hard to get, which is my Achilles heel (you know me so well). A week later, I called customer service.  AGAIN.

Mistake #4.

I went down the automated path and got disconnected.  Twice.

Et tu, Ikea?

Eventually, I spoke to someone, who verified that yes, I had placed an order.  But she was predictably unconcerned that said order was languishing in this Bermuda Triangle between a confirmation number, a delivery date and a fake fraud flag.  And apparently the crack accounting team was once again hard at work because nobody could come to the phone. 

At this point, I told you to keep your furniture where the midnight sun don't shine.

Since then, I went to Amazon.  And Overstock.  And bought all 4 pieces of furniture.  With FREE shipping.  For the price of 81 sacks of frozen Kottbullar (also known as $700).

See ya never, Ingvar Kamprad.  I'm getting my Allen wenches elsewhere.

Signed,
Your Former #1 Furniture Fan


tags: rants, shopping